Yesterday at noon, Hans whisked his girlfriend Angie away from work for a surprise trip.
Yesterday at 6:30, they took off for Prague.
BFD, you may think, particularly if you've gleaned any sense of Hans's travel habits over the last few years.†
This time, thought, he's taking his girlfriend on a trip and bringing home a fiancée.‡
He spent the last month planning, agonising over diamonds and settings, wondering how much his bonus would actually be, asking advice. He found an American photographer in Prague§ and hired him to take pictures of the proposal on the Charles Bridge.¶
At 4:30 yesterday, my boss and one of the other leads asked me if I'd heard from Hans.#
"No. I don't really expect to..." I trailed off as I saw the consternation mixed with disbelief in their eyes.
"I'll text him right now."
And we sat around, Craig Ferguson-style awkward pause in the air.
"Well..." I said, jingling my keys to indicate I really was on my way out the door.
"You'll tell us tomorrow morning."
About 6:15, Hans texted:
"She was shocked, it was awesome."
Keep in mind, that was just because he picked her up to go to the airport.
When I got in this morning, Avis% asked, "Did you hear from Hans?"
"He says she was shocked and it was awesome."
"Where are they now? What time is it in Prague? Has he asked her yet?"
I Googled to find out it was 5:45 in Prague.
"Right about now. He should be asking her any second now."
"Oh, I hope the weather is nice. Did you see what the weather was?"
"Just the time. Here, let me Google... it's raining. It's 39 degrees and it's raining."
"Oh, no! I hope it doesn't ruin their pictures!"
"Well, overcast skies are better for photography anyway..."††
From around the corner, Carla@ chimed in from her desk, "Look at you, looking on the bright side!"
People keep dropping in to find out what we know, speculate on what happened, wonder if Hans has Internet access so he can send us pictures RIGHT NOW.
Gail‡‡ came down a few minutes ago and we were chatting about it.
"I can't believe how excited I am about something that really has nothing to do with me," I said.
"I know!"
"It's like reality TV or something."§§
"It's like we're living in reality."
We both contemplated the sobering idea for a moment, then went on to daydream about wonderful, romantic, surprise proposals in exotic foreign lands.
Hey, maybe I can be Hans's best man...¶¶
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Like how he went to Thailand when we were in crunch time for the Legacy sale... or how he went to Cancun when we were in crunch time for the Albrecht sale... or how he went to Austin when we were in crunch time for the Sequel sale... not that I'm bitter.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Yep! He's trading Angie in on a new model! Haha! Just kidding!
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Google.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): When he was about 20, he was stumbling around Prague in a drunken stupour with some of his college buddies - absinthe may have been involved - and he says that even in his drunken, juvenile state, he stopped on the St. Charles bridge and decided it was the most romantic place in the world and he wanted to come back to it when he wanted to propose to someone. I can hear you "Awwwwwww" from here.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): This is a distinctly female trait. I'm, like, 70% guy, having been trained through many of my formative years by some of the guyest of the guys. It always takes me a little aback when someone asks something like, "Has Hans, who is not your boyfriend, relative or parole officer, taken time out of his very personal journey to one of the most important moments of his life to give you minute-by-minute updates, much like the newscrawl on CNN?"
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Avis is my boss, head of the Lease Records part of the Land Administration department, which consists of two branches - Lease Records and Division Orders - and is overseen by Sandy. You're welcome.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I learned this in a real photography class. I wasn't just shooting platitudes to the masses to make the masses feel better.
@FOOTNOTE (atted): Carla is the another Lead in Lease Records and oversees the Gulf/Shreveport (basically Texas and Louisiana) region. I oversee the Rockies (Colorado, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota and Utah... but mostly North Dakota). Again, you're welcome.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Who fielded the girly questions from Hans (who knows I'm 70% guy and maybe not the best person to ask for how Ange would feel about something). She says he'd come in and say, "If you were packing for a surprise trip, how much time would you need?" "Hans," she'd say, "why don't you just ask the question you want to ask: how much time will Angie need to pack? I'm not packing. I'm not going anywhere. Two hours, but you better be packed and on call to pick up pantyhose or mascara or whatever last-minute thing she thinks she needs."
§§FOOTNOTE (my girly little head is just all a-swirl!): I've heard it's like that on reality TiVi. *ahem*
¶¶FOOTNOTE (reality knocks twice): *ZING!* That was the sound of reality going right out the window.
Showing posts with label TiVi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TiVi. Show all posts
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Friday, December 4, 2009
You're No Gypsy, Fredo
I thought of a chicken thing!†
[SUMMARY: You are so excited!]
I flipped on the TiVi Monday night and it warmed up‡ to the beginning of Wheel of Fortune. Pat was asking the contestants to tell us a little bit about themselves. The first guy wanted to say, "Hi!" to his four dogs and his wife§ and Pat asked him a couple of leading questions about the dogs.
The next contestant was a woman who mentioned her husband and kids, and Pat, tongue-in-cheek, asked if she had any pets she wanted to say, "Hi!" to.
"We have seven chickens, Pat."
"Seven chickens? What are their name? Do they have names?"
"They do, Pat. There's Kung Pao, Fricassee, Alfredo¶..."
I thought it was pretty funny.
[SUMMARY: You are so laughing!]
What's more, I thought, "Chickens! I have to remember to share that with all my blogfriends! 'Cause it's *chickens*!"
Then four hours passed and I lost it, but trying to remember where I put my Chase credit card this morning, I remembered the chicken story.#
[SUMMARY: You are so lucky!]
In other chicken news, Red, most-favoured pirate chicken of Marybeth, may be a rooster. Which would make him ineligible for city living. And Marybeth would have to send him to live on a farm.
Just like your dad did with your dog when you were four.
[SUMMARY: Euphemism?&]
And guess what? I got a lovely perfume sample in the mail from Ineke††, so perfume too!%
It's Friday. It's a good day. Keep your fingers crossed for Red.
*************
Field Notes from Paris - Ineke
Marin says: Love may not be too strong a word.
It's funny because this evolves in my head as something maybe I shouldn't like and I don't know why -- like a guilty pleasure, only I can't even tell you why I'd be sheepish about it.‡‡
There's a splash of sweet lime in the beginning. Like almost all citrus, it levels out quickly and leads to the most intoxicating, elusive blend of... what? I would swear there's a touch of patchouli in there, but I can't quite catch it. It's not as earthy as some patchouli, not as dark as some patchouli and definitely not as strong as most patchouli. A patchouli of song and light?§§
Something woody, but I can't put my finger on what breed of wood. Tobacco flower, definitely -- it's one of my best scents and I can usually pick it out of a crowd. Maybe the wood is tobacco leaf. It has a sweetish tang I associate with tobacco.
The more it settles in, the more it reminds me of some of the exotic pipe tobaccos I've sniffed in my years of trying to find gifts for my father.
Then the sweeter, rounder elements mellow back in the mix and an oil slick of... leather? Salt? Clean sweat?¶¶ settles on top.
I think this smells the way I want a man to smell, but I find it not unfeminine. Maybe there's a white flower floating around, keeping it from being all horses and testosterone. In any case, it may be the perfect unisex fragrance.
Ineke says: Field notes from Paris is inspired by Ineke's halcyon days studying perfumery in Paris and Versailles. It captures the romantic, nostalgic feeling of sitting at a cafe and writing in a journal while lingering for hours over a cafe creme.
This "woody oriental" structure combines the warmth of tobacco flower and leaf$ with the vintage perfumery notes of coriander seed@, patchouli$ and tonka bean. Field Notes from Paris is an enigmatic scent with a warm, comforting presence.##
Top notes: Coriander Seed, Orange Flower, Bergamot
Middle: Tobacco Flower & Leaf, Patchouli, Cedar
Base: Tonka Bean, leather, Beeswax, Vanilla
Hans says:
Marin: "I really like this one. I probably shouldn't tell you that."
Hans: "Oh, great. Now I'm not objective. Ooooh. I like it too. It's got some spice@, like... cinnamon and... spice. And everything nice.
"You can quote me on that."
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Which sounds like the tawdry confession of a dirty little fetish.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Remember back in the day when the TiVi had to warm up -- and cool down? It kinda tickles me that my state-of-the-2006-art HDTV has to warm up like when I was a kid.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): In that order.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Hence, the Fredo blogtitle.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And tomorrow, when I'm trying to find my cookie scooper or my size 9 Addy Turbos, I'll probably run across my Chase credit card.
&FOOTNOTE (ampersanded): Actually, Marybeth does have a friend with extraurban farm space who could take Red. So not entirely a euphemism. Then again, said friend said she couldn't guarantee Red wouldn't end up as Sunday dinner. The suspense continues...
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): From whom I got the lovely A-E scent collection last year, only I can't find the blogpost to link to to remind you because they made me go to IE 2, the stone age version, at work and the search function doesn't work anymore.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): I saw the headline for this on Nathan's blog and I couldn't read it because I didn't want his review to influence me, so I've been cold and lonely and Nathanless for *weeks*.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Sheep! Like knitting! WOOT for the KNITBLOG!
§§FOOTNOTE (spin goths! SPIN!): Did you hear that? That's the sound of a thousand goths spinning in their graves.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (nod with me): These scents are TOTALLY related.
$FOOTNOTE (on the money!): I'm giving myself a little leeway on mixing up sweet lime with orange blossom and bergamot, but deducting points for not recognising tonka bean. It's a wash.
@FOOTNOTE (atted): Two important notes (ha! pun!) on coriander: 1) I don't have the slightest idea what coriander seed smells like, as it turns out, and 2) Hans now claims that the "spice" he was talking about was coriander seed.
##FOOTNOTE (holiday pounds): That's what I said! Not as succinctly, but surely that's what I was talking about when I said it smelled the way I'd like a man to smell.
†††FOOTNOTE ():
[SUMMARY: You are so excited!]
I flipped on the TiVi Monday night and it warmed up‡ to the beginning of Wheel of Fortune. Pat was asking the contestants to tell us a little bit about themselves. The first guy wanted to say, "Hi!" to his four dogs and his wife§ and Pat asked him a couple of leading questions about the dogs.
The next contestant was a woman who mentioned her husband and kids, and Pat, tongue-in-cheek, asked if she had any pets she wanted to say, "Hi!" to.
"We have seven chickens, Pat."
"Seven chickens? What are their name? Do they have names?"
"They do, Pat. There's Kung Pao, Fricassee, Alfredo¶..."
I thought it was pretty funny.
[SUMMARY: You are so laughing!]
What's more, I thought, "Chickens! I have to remember to share that with all my blogfriends! 'Cause it's *chickens*!"
Then four hours passed and I lost it, but trying to remember where I put my Chase credit card this morning, I remembered the chicken story.#
[SUMMARY: You are so lucky!]
In other chicken news, Red, most-favoured pirate chicken of Marybeth, may be a rooster. Which would make him ineligible for city living. And Marybeth would have to send him to live on a farm.
Just like your dad did with your dog when you were four.
[SUMMARY: Euphemism?&]
And guess what? I got a lovely perfume sample in the mail from Ineke††, so perfume too!%
It's Friday. It's a good day. Keep your fingers crossed for Red.
*************
Field Notes from Paris - Ineke
Marin says: Love may not be too strong a word.
It's funny because this evolves in my head as something maybe I shouldn't like and I don't know why -- like a guilty pleasure, only I can't even tell you why I'd be sheepish about it.‡‡
There's a splash of sweet lime in the beginning. Like almost all citrus, it levels out quickly and leads to the most intoxicating, elusive blend of... what? I would swear there's a touch of patchouli in there, but I can't quite catch it. It's not as earthy as some patchouli, not as dark as some patchouli and definitely not as strong as most patchouli. A patchouli of song and light?§§
Something woody, but I can't put my finger on what breed of wood. Tobacco flower, definitely -- it's one of my best scents and I can usually pick it out of a crowd. Maybe the wood is tobacco leaf. It has a sweetish tang I associate with tobacco.
The more it settles in, the more it reminds me of some of the exotic pipe tobaccos I've sniffed in my years of trying to find gifts for my father.
Then the sweeter, rounder elements mellow back in the mix and an oil slick of... leather? Salt? Clean sweat?¶¶ settles on top.
I think this smells the way I want a man to smell, but I find it not unfeminine. Maybe there's a white flower floating around, keeping it from being all horses and testosterone. In any case, it may be the perfect unisex fragrance.
Ineke says: Field notes from Paris is inspired by Ineke's halcyon days studying perfumery in Paris and Versailles. It captures the romantic, nostalgic feeling of sitting at a cafe and writing in a journal while lingering for hours over a cafe creme.
This "woody oriental" structure combines the warmth of tobacco flower and leaf$ with the vintage perfumery notes of coriander seed@, patchouli$ and tonka bean. Field Notes from Paris is an enigmatic scent with a warm, comforting presence.##
Top notes: Coriander Seed, Orange Flower, Bergamot
Middle: Tobacco Flower & Leaf, Patchouli, Cedar
Base: Tonka Bean, leather, Beeswax, Vanilla
Hans says:
Marin: "I really like this one. I probably shouldn't tell you that."
Hans: "Oh, great. Now I'm not objective. Ooooh. I like it too. It's got some spice@, like... cinnamon and... spice. And everything nice.
"You can quote me on that."
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Which sounds like the tawdry confession of a dirty little fetish.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Remember back in the day when the TiVi had to warm up -- and cool down? It kinda tickles me that my state-of-the-2006-art HDTV has to warm up like when I was a kid.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): In that order.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Hence, the Fredo blogtitle.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And tomorrow, when I'm trying to find my cookie scooper or my size 9 Addy Turbos, I'll probably run across my Chase credit card.
&FOOTNOTE (ampersanded): Actually, Marybeth does have a friend with extraurban farm space who could take Red. So not entirely a euphemism. Then again, said friend said she couldn't guarantee Red wouldn't end up as Sunday dinner. The suspense continues...
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): From whom I got the lovely A-E scent collection last year, only I can't find the blogpost to link to to remind you because they made me go to IE 2, the stone age version, at work and the search function doesn't work anymore.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): I saw the headline for this on Nathan's blog and I couldn't read it because I didn't want his review to influence me, so I've been cold and lonely and Nathanless for *weeks*.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Sheep! Like knitting! WOOT for the KNITBLOG!
§§FOOTNOTE (spin goths! SPIN!): Did you hear that? That's the sound of a thousand goths spinning in their graves.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (nod with me): These scents are TOTALLY related.
$FOOTNOTE (on the money!): I'm giving myself a little leeway on mixing up sweet lime with orange blossom and bergamot, but deducting points for not recognising tonka bean. It's a wash.
@FOOTNOTE (atted): Two important notes (ha! pun!) on coriander: 1) I don't have the slightest idea what coriander seed smells like, as it turns out, and 2) Hans now claims that the "spice" he was talking about was coriander seed.
##FOOTNOTE (holiday pounds): That's what I said! Not as succinctly, but surely that's what I was talking about when I said it smelled the way I'd like a man to smell.
†††FOOTNOTE ():
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
DNC - Reduce, Re-use, Recycle
I took about 106 pictures.
This is a little less than half.† If you click on them, they'll get big.
They weave their way through the odd maintenance of the downtown fire hydrants‡ and the poorly-conceived parking lot price gouging.§
They tour the media blitz, the tourists and the fervent political pamphlet passers.¶
They skip across the political spectrum from scary to scary on the infrared and ultra-violet ends and a whole lot of in between.
We learned to look at motorcades as our daily due. We watched people hail taxis on street corners.# We watched the blossoming and fading of a whole new world of entrepreneurship.††
Pedicabs came from all over the country. Cops came from all over the state. Helicopters came from... well, presumably from hell and Channel 9.
Downtown was lousy with twinkle lights, bikes, bunting, celebrities,@ senators, balloons, buttons, hybrids, red carpets, pedicabs, riot gear, TiVi cameras, personal cameras, propaganda, flags, signs and just plain people.
Despite all previous apprehension,‡‡ it was a fantastic experience.
My icy, cynical heart is all warm and gooey about the way my city handled this. I was amazed at how polite and cheerful and civilised everybody was.§§ I was grateful the disruptive rioters didn't put up much of a front.¶¶ I was delighted with the energy.##
As dumb as it is, the fact that our very own 'hood, the walking villa with the great restaurants and friendly bars, the mecca of boutique shopping, made national news at more than one outlet for being a "can't miss" slice of Denverana%... well, I'm proud.^
I wanna do it again.†††
*************
Fetish - Neil Morris (Vault) - (edp)
Marin says: This is another one that feels a little like I shouldn't like it -- maybe a little too head shop, maybe a little too amber-and-vanilla. But I *do* like it.
I get a strong undercurrent of patchouli (the dirty kind). The waft is pure amber/incense, but it gets more complex if you get closer. There's a lot going on... copper? Vanilla? Something astringent?
Ooooh, an hour in, there's a good, solid dry wood -- not as sharp and tangy as fresh-cut pine, but maybe a weathered pine log.
Neil Morris says: A warm blend of Myrrh,$ Ambergris, Rosewood, Musk, Oud, Leather,$ Benzoin$ and Patchouli.$
The Perfumed Court says: ...Fetish has notes of Carnation, Benzoin Absolute, Rosewood, Musk, Ambergris, Leather and is a great dark scent.
Hans says: I definitely get a whiff of baby powder, but there's something else. Like... air. Rain air.
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): You're welcome.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): A few weeks ago, it was the new locking tops. Then on Monday, they opened them up then went out into the street to do something underground. I think it was very nice of them to test the system before the riots.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Usually $9 a day, the lot jumped to $25 a day. Nobody parked there except a couple of monthly parkers. It was $25 when Hans and I went to lunch. It was $25 when we came back from lunch. By the time we got up to our offices, it was down to $9 again. Lesson apparently learned.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I collected a LOT of pamphlets. I made a point of it. In fact, some of the pamphleteers were suspicious of my enthusiasm for their products.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): *Nobody* hails a cab in Denver. You call for cabs in Denver. It shocked the hell out of some of the cabbies. By the end of the week, they were responding like pros.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): And more Barack-rock puns than you can shake a donkey at.
@FOOTNOTE (atted): Alicia from the office was stalking celebrities. She had binoculars in the empty office that looks over to the Brown Palace. That's her celebrity sighting board in the pictures.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Read: bitching. Or, as we like to say, "Breezing."
§§FOOTNOTE (whirlwind political tour): People mostly watched where they were going, and when they didn't, they said, "Excuse me." I can't even get that at my local grocery store. It was totally impressive. I'm not a big fan of Obama, but I did feel a twinge of hope all my own.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (fists raised in triumph): More tear gas would have sucked.
##FOOTNOTE (Give us a pound! Make it 'splode!): Like NYC, only actively friendly. And sunny.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Pertaining to America = Americana. Pertaining to Denver = Denverana.
^FOOTNOTE (careted): The fact that it will probably boost housing values is just icing on the pride cake.
†††FOOTNOTE (not as cross as I look): Like a small child on her first merry-go-round ride: "Again! Do it again!"
$FOOTNOTE (on the money): I'm giving myself a lot of credit here. I'm saying the benzoin is the astringent part, the myrrh is a classic incense component and every time I think copper there's leather involved. So maybe two points -- a half for each note. But a full point for patchouli.
Speaking of patchouli, I got a big ol' patchouli roll-on from Secret Pal out of the mailbox this morning. Thanks, Secret Pal!
This is a little less than half.† If you click on them, they'll get big.
They weave their way through the odd maintenance of the downtown fire hydrants‡ and the poorly-conceived parking lot price gouging.§
They tour the media blitz, the tourists and the fervent political pamphlet passers.¶
They skip across the political spectrum from scary to scary on the infrared and ultra-violet ends and a whole lot of in between.
We learned to look at motorcades as our daily due. We watched people hail taxis on street corners.# We watched the blossoming and fading of a whole new world of entrepreneurship.††
Pedicabs came from all over the country. Cops came from all over the state. Helicopters came from... well, presumably from hell and Channel 9.
Downtown was lousy with twinkle lights, bikes, bunting, celebrities,@ senators, balloons, buttons, hybrids, red carpets, pedicabs, riot gear, TiVi cameras, personal cameras, propaganda, flags, signs and just plain people.
Despite all previous apprehension,‡‡ it was a fantastic experience.
My icy, cynical heart is all warm and gooey about the way my city handled this. I was amazed at how polite and cheerful and civilised everybody was.§§ I was grateful the disruptive rioters didn't put up much of a front.¶¶ I was delighted with the energy.##
As dumb as it is, the fact that our very own 'hood, the walking villa with the great restaurants and friendly bars, the mecca of boutique shopping, made national news at more than one outlet for being a "can't miss" slice of Denverana%... well, I'm proud.^
I wanna do it again.†††
*************
Fetish - Neil Morris (Vault) - (edp)
Marin says: This is another one that feels a little like I shouldn't like it -- maybe a little too head shop, maybe a little too amber-and-vanilla. But I *do* like it.
I get a strong undercurrent of patchouli (the dirty kind). The waft is pure amber/incense, but it gets more complex if you get closer. There's a lot going on... copper? Vanilla? Something astringent?
Ooooh, an hour in, there's a good, solid dry wood -- not as sharp and tangy as fresh-cut pine, but maybe a weathered pine log.
Neil Morris says: A warm blend of Myrrh,$ Ambergris, Rosewood, Musk, Oud, Leather,$ Benzoin$ and Patchouli.$
The Perfumed Court says: ...Fetish has notes of Carnation, Benzoin Absolute, Rosewood, Musk, Ambergris, Leather and is a great dark scent.
Hans says: I definitely get a whiff of baby powder, but there's something else. Like... air. Rain air.
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): You're welcome.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): A few weeks ago, it was the new locking tops. Then on Monday, they opened them up then went out into the street to do something underground. I think it was very nice of them to test the system before the riots.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Usually $9 a day, the lot jumped to $25 a day. Nobody parked there except a couple of monthly parkers. It was $25 when Hans and I went to lunch. It was $25 when we came back from lunch. By the time we got up to our offices, it was down to $9 again. Lesson apparently learned.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I collected a LOT of pamphlets. I made a point of it. In fact, some of the pamphleteers were suspicious of my enthusiasm for their products.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): *Nobody* hails a cab in Denver. You call for cabs in Denver. It shocked the hell out of some of the cabbies. By the end of the week, they were responding like pros.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): And more Barack-rock puns than you can shake a donkey at.
@FOOTNOTE (atted): Alicia from the office was stalking celebrities. She had binoculars in the empty office that looks over to the Brown Palace. That's her celebrity sighting board in the pictures.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Read: bitching. Or, as we like to say, "Breezing."
§§FOOTNOTE (whirlwind political tour): People mostly watched where they were going, and when they didn't, they said, "Excuse me." I can't even get that at my local grocery store. It was totally impressive. I'm not a big fan of Obama, but I did feel a twinge of hope all my own.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (fists raised in triumph): More tear gas would have sucked.
##FOOTNOTE (Give us a pound! Make it 'splode!): Like NYC, only actively friendly. And sunny.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Pertaining to America = Americana. Pertaining to Denver = Denverana.
^FOOTNOTE (careted): The fact that it will probably boost housing values is just icing on the pride cake.
†††FOOTNOTE (not as cross as I look): Like a small child on her first merry-go-round ride: "Again! Do it again!"
$FOOTNOTE (on the money): I'm giving myself a lot of credit here. I'm saying the benzoin is the astringent part, the myrrh is a classic incense component and every time I think copper there's leather involved. So maybe two points -- a half for each note. But a full point for patchouli.
Speaking of patchouli, I got a big ol' patchouli roll-on from Secret Pal out of the mailbox this morning. Thanks, Secret Pal!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Hi, My Name is Marin...
(Hi, Marin)
...and I'm bad at dating.
(encouraging applause)
Not in a cutesy, "Oh, isn't dating just the worst... heeheeheeheehee," way, but I'm really and truly terrible at it.
I've been "dating" via the innernets for more than ten years and I'm just fucking awful.
When I go on that first date with someone I've been talking to on Match, I'm filled with apprehension and I render myself unable to talk.†
I grow to dislike and distrust myself, the guy who has to put up with me and -- really -- just about everyone in the world except the waiter who's bringing me a drink.‡
[SUMMARY: You can see why I'm single.]
I'm sure there are several guys out there who wonder how the vibrant, witty creature who intrigued them so on her profile could be the short,§ dull thing that lets the whole evening go one-sided¶ in two minutes flat.#
They probably think I paid someone else to write my profile.
When I have a chance meeting in a happy place,% it's all good. I can tease and flirt and sparkle and revel in my dorkness and my twelveness.
When I email someone for a week or two and set up a date, it feels like a job interview.
[SUMMARY: Guess what I did last night?]
On the plus side, I got to see a lot of DNC stuff -- pretty people in suits going to TiVi interviews, TiVi cameras on every corner,†† vendors selling Obama yearbooks for $40,‡‡ a dog in a baby sling dressed in an Obama photograph, white boater hats with red-white-and-blue grosgrain ribbons 'round the crowns.§§
Riot police in vans... on bikes... on motorbikes... on horseback...¶¶
Protestors and Democrat supporters dressed as hippies... dressed as prisoners... dressed as display racks.##
And the tear gas didn't start until I was back at the office to pick up my purse.††† Two nice security guards in the building apprised me of the spray-painting, window-breaking and the consequent tear-gassing and told me to be careful.
[SUMMARY: They like me! They really like me!]
So at least I have that going for me.
*************
L'Eau d'Hiver - Frederic Malle (edp)
Marin says: I'm anticipating a roll-out on this one. It's the one thing I really expect from a Jean Claude Ellena creation.
The initial blast was citrus, but a carmel scent came up from beneath that pretty quickly. Then something sharp, like menthol.
About a half-hour in, it smells like green wood‡‡‡ and carnation, a wet nature smell like woods after rain.
An hour in, it's wood and carmel.
Four hours down, it's very, very soapy. Meh.
The Perfumed Court says: An Oriental blend of bergamot,$ angelica, iris, hawthorn, jasmine, honey, carnation,$ white heliotrope, caramel$ and musk.
Hans says: Ooooh. That smells like licorice!§§§
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): And the closer I get to date time, the more I want to call in sick.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Charming, no? If it makes you feel any better, I rarely drink more than one on a first date. Surly, paranoid, uncommunicative and drunk. Line up boys, I *am* your dream date!
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Not height. I don't like about my height. But snappish. And monosyllabic. Can you imagine the girl who regularly uses the word "monosyllabic" being monosyllabic?
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): More than one guy has said, "Am I asking too many questions? Is there anything you want to know about me? Is there anything else I should know about you?"
Yes... I can't date.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): The exception that proves the rule is Soldier Boy, which explains why he calls every time he's in town. Psych 101: Soldier Boy was home for two weeks on leave and was returning to Iraq. Stakes were minimal. Expectations were limited.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Like bars, football games, BBQs or the book store.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): News teams from everywhere were getting background/stock footage of DNC crowds. I must've walked through two dozen view screens yesterday. Look for me on a TiVi set near you!
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Yeah, I don't know what an Obama yearbook is either. Or why it's worth $40.
§§FOOTNOTE (wafts): A look I find charming, though it reeks of political events and barbershop quartets.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (meerkats): It was really impressive when they all took off to do riot control last night. I know a lot of people think Denver is still a cowtown, but it's been a long time since horses have galloped down the streets here.
##FOOTNOTE (two pounds, two pints): You know how some people have so many bumper stickers on their cars you wonder if there's anything they won't honk at? There are human equivalents with t-shirts, hats, buttons and banners all over the place.
†††FOOTNOTE (scent strips): I didn't want to take it into the throngs. Just in case. I left it safe in my office.
‡‡‡FOOTNOTE(like tracks through my nose holes): Which is a bitterly green smell.
$FOOTNOTE (on the money!): Ha! Got one!
§§§FOOTNOTE (Hans twirls his hands as he ): Hans got to smell five minutes after I sprayed -- and I bet carmel and menthol smells a lot like licorice.
...and I'm bad at dating.
(encouraging applause)
Not in a cutesy, "Oh, isn't dating just the worst... heeheeheeheehee," way, but I'm really and truly terrible at it.
I've been "dating" via the innernets for more than ten years and I'm just fucking awful.
When I go on that first date with someone I've been talking to on Match, I'm filled with apprehension and I render myself unable to talk.†
I grow to dislike and distrust myself, the guy who has to put up with me and -- really -- just about everyone in the world except the waiter who's bringing me a drink.‡
[SUMMARY: You can see why I'm single.]
I'm sure there are several guys out there who wonder how the vibrant, witty creature who intrigued them so on her profile could be the short,§ dull thing that lets the whole evening go one-sided¶ in two minutes flat.#
They probably think I paid someone else to write my profile.
When I have a chance meeting in a happy place,% it's all good. I can tease and flirt and sparkle and revel in my dorkness and my twelveness.
When I email someone for a week or two and set up a date, it feels like a job interview.
[SUMMARY: Guess what I did last night?]
On the plus side, I got to see a lot of DNC stuff -- pretty people in suits going to TiVi interviews, TiVi cameras on every corner,†† vendors selling Obama yearbooks for $40,‡‡ a dog in a baby sling dressed in an Obama photograph, white boater hats with red-white-and-blue grosgrain ribbons 'round the crowns.§§
Riot police in vans... on bikes... on motorbikes... on horseback...¶¶
Protestors and Democrat supporters dressed as hippies... dressed as prisoners... dressed as display racks.##
And the tear gas didn't start until I was back at the office to pick up my purse.††† Two nice security guards in the building apprised me of the spray-painting, window-breaking and the consequent tear-gassing and told me to be careful.
[SUMMARY: They like me! They really like me!]
So at least I have that going for me.
*************
L'Eau d'Hiver - Frederic Malle (edp)
Marin says: I'm anticipating a roll-out on this one. It's the one thing I really expect from a Jean Claude Ellena creation.
The initial blast was citrus, but a carmel scent came up from beneath that pretty quickly. Then something sharp, like menthol.
About a half-hour in, it smells like green wood‡‡‡ and carnation, a wet nature smell like woods after rain.
An hour in, it's wood and carmel.
Four hours down, it's very, very soapy. Meh.
The Perfumed Court says: An Oriental blend of bergamot,$ angelica, iris, hawthorn, jasmine, honey, carnation,$ white heliotrope, caramel$ and musk.
Hans says: Ooooh. That smells like licorice!§§§
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): And the closer I get to date time, the more I want to call in sick.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Charming, no? If it makes you feel any better, I rarely drink more than one on a first date. Surly, paranoid, uncommunicative and drunk. Line up boys, I *am* your dream date!
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Not height. I don't like about my height. But snappish. And monosyllabic. Can you imagine the girl who regularly uses the word "monosyllabic" being monosyllabic?
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): More than one guy has said, "Am I asking too many questions? Is there anything you want to know about me? Is there anything else I should know about you?"
Yes... I can't date.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): The exception that proves the rule is Soldier Boy, which explains why he calls every time he's in town. Psych 101: Soldier Boy was home for two weeks on leave and was returning to Iraq. Stakes were minimal. Expectations were limited.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Like bars, football games, BBQs or the book store.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): News teams from everywhere were getting background/stock footage of DNC crowds. I must've walked through two dozen view screens yesterday. Look for me on a TiVi set near you!
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Yeah, I don't know what an Obama yearbook is either. Or why it's worth $40.
§§FOOTNOTE (wafts): A look I find charming, though it reeks of political events and barbershop quartets.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (meerkats): It was really impressive when they all took off to do riot control last night. I know a lot of people think Denver is still a cowtown, but it's been a long time since horses have galloped down the streets here.
##FOOTNOTE (two pounds, two pints): You know how some people have so many bumper stickers on their cars you wonder if there's anything they won't honk at? There are human equivalents with t-shirts, hats, buttons and banners all over the place.
†††FOOTNOTE (scent strips): I didn't want to take it into the throngs. Just in case. I left it safe in my office.
‡‡‡FOOTNOTE(like tracks through my nose holes): Which is a bitterly green smell.
$FOOTNOTE (on the money!): Ha! Got one!
§§§FOOTNOTE (Hans twirls his hands as he ): Hans got to smell five minutes after I sprayed -- and I bet carmel and menthol smells a lot like licorice.
Monday, August 18, 2008
It's Raining, It's Pouring
Despite the rain, I didn't get much knitting done Saturday.
You'd think the dark, raininess would be the perfect backdrop to a day of cosying up in the recliner with a ball of string, male swimmers on the TiVi and maybe a hot toddy of some sort.†
Just look at that knitting weather! And this is the sunniest it got all day!
[SUMMARY: Yes, I'm really talking about the weather.]
And the sharpest among you might put together the reason there was so little knitting:‡ I was at work. The lack of urgency by those providing the work has created panic on the back end§ and I was in the office on Saturday.
And Sunday.
And that's OK. Once in awhile, I like to do something that makes me feel really self-righteous like work on Saturday. And Sunday.
I always be sure to send a couple of emails out on the company account so people *know* I was working on Saturday.¶ And Sunday.
[SUMMARY: There's a Loverboy re-mix in there somewhere.]
Anyway, despite all the work, it was a refreshingly knitterly day.
I started out by going to the grand opening of the brand new Origins store in Cherry Creek. I'm not a subscriber to the Cult of Origin,# but they sent coupons in the mail -- one for $25 and one for a free medium whatever-you-want-to-drink from their coffee shop.
No purchase necessary.
As I drove in on empty streets, I figured the rainy weather might keep the crowds down.
Ha!
I got my tea and wandered around a little. The crowds made it too miserable to do any real power-shopping, which is good for me. I probably could've talked myself into a couple hundred dollars' worth of products if I'd had the time to lollygag around the store and talk to the nice salespeople.
So that was one nice thing. I got my $22.50 tube of moisturising body wash†† and stood in line.
And stood in line.
And stood in line.
[SUMMARY: Never underestimate the power of a free $25.]
And started to wonder if I was in danger of getting a parking ticket in the 2-hour space I'd nabbed.
And started thinking I should have called Tani to see if she wanted to stand in line because these things are tolerable with good company.
And started to think about giving up. At my per-hour wage, $25 didn't seem like that big a draw anymore. But there's that point where you feel you've invested too much time, or you're sure the registers are going to speed up any time or maybe the woman with the four kids is going to get tired of the whining and just GO...‡‡
Then the lady in line behind me started talking to me. Small talk. Then I held her place while she went and got some tea. Then she held my place while I went to the bathroom.
Would you believe we were halfway through the line before she said, "I'd much rather be home knitting right now."
I said, "Me too!"
Then she told me how she was getting errands done in the morning so she could sit in front of the Olympics in the afternoon, and I told her I was heading to work and when I told her I'm in the oil business, it turns out she's from Oklahoma and worked in the industry for quite some time.
Then she said, kinda timidly, "Were you just joking when you said you'd rather be knitting?"
"Oh, no. I'd *much* rather be knitting!"
So we talked about knitting and the hours passed pleasantly until we got to the front of the line.%
Isn't the world a marvelous place sometimes?
*************
Omanthe Yunnan - Hermes
Marin says: So light.
There's some very light floral and fruit, but I can't tell what kind. It smells a little like carnation, but not as cold, and with something a tiny bit deepter and woodier on top -- not that this is a woody scent, but maybe leaves. Or bamboo. Which is what I think of every time I think of a watery wood.
It's incredibly light, but that very light cloud gusts in every now and then so I know it's still there. When I nuzzle my wrists, there's almost nothing, yet there's... something. I'm not sure if I'm in a zen place or I just don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
The Perfumed Court says: Tea, flowers$ and fruit.$ Osmanthe Yunnan is smooth and tart, with a lasting tea note that is perfect for occasions when you want an original perfume that is not heavy, but lasts.
Hans says: I like that one. It's light. It's... I can't put my finger on it. It's refreshing.§§
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): And you'd be right.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): 'Cause, y'know... you'd notice that was taken out my office window.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I am the back end. I'm always the back end. Some day, when I grow up, I want to be the front end.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Passive-aggressive, anyone?
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): I didn't know there was one until I was invited onto their mothership.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I don't know. It was an impulse. It was free.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): And by "you," I mean, "I."
%FOOTNOTE (percented): It also didn't hurt that Origins people kept bringing around Origins things to keep us entertained while we waited. There was the hand massage and the spearmint refresher stuff and these:
A trial-size tube of their most popular product, a sachet (it's zippered! I can use it again!) filled with lavender and roses and a blackberry bran muffin. That's all that's left of the blackberry bran muffin. I was hungry when I got to the office.
$FOOTNOTE (right on the money!): Ha! Got one!
§§FOOTNOTE (the world keeps turning): I'm giving Hans credit for that -- tea is refreshing, isn't it?
You'd think the dark, raininess would be the perfect backdrop to a day of cosying up in the recliner with a ball of string, male swimmers on the TiVi and maybe a hot toddy of some sort.†
Just look at that knitting weather! And this is the sunniest it got all day!
[SUMMARY: Yes, I'm really talking about the weather.]
And the sharpest among you might put together the reason there was so little knitting:‡ I was at work. The lack of urgency by those providing the work has created panic on the back end§ and I was in the office on Saturday.
And Sunday.
And that's OK. Once in awhile, I like to do something that makes me feel really self-righteous like work on Saturday. And Sunday.
I always be sure to send a couple of emails out on the company account so people *know* I was working on Saturday.¶ And Sunday.
[SUMMARY: There's a Loverboy re-mix in there somewhere.]
Anyway, despite all the work, it was a refreshingly knitterly day.
I started out by going to the grand opening of the brand new Origins store in Cherry Creek. I'm not a subscriber to the Cult of Origin,# but they sent coupons in the mail -- one for $25 and one for a free medium whatever-you-want-to-drink from their coffee shop.
No purchase necessary.
As I drove in on empty streets, I figured the rainy weather might keep the crowds down.
Ha!
I got my tea and wandered around a little. The crowds made it too miserable to do any real power-shopping, which is good for me. I probably could've talked myself into a couple hundred dollars' worth of products if I'd had the time to lollygag around the store and talk to the nice salespeople.
So that was one nice thing. I got my $22.50 tube of moisturising body wash†† and stood in line.
And stood in line.
And stood in line.
[SUMMARY: Never underestimate the power of a free $25.]
And started to wonder if I was in danger of getting a parking ticket in the 2-hour space I'd nabbed.
And started thinking I should have called Tani to see if she wanted to stand in line because these things are tolerable with good company.
And started to think about giving up. At my per-hour wage, $25 didn't seem like that big a draw anymore. But there's that point where you feel you've invested too much time, or you're sure the registers are going to speed up any time or maybe the woman with the four kids is going to get tired of the whining and just GO...‡‡
Then the lady in line behind me started talking to me. Small talk. Then I held her place while she went and got some tea. Then she held my place while I went to the bathroom.
Would you believe we were halfway through the line before she said, "I'd much rather be home knitting right now."
I said, "Me too!"
Then she told me how she was getting errands done in the morning so she could sit in front of the Olympics in the afternoon, and I told her I was heading to work and when I told her I'm in the oil business, it turns out she's from Oklahoma and worked in the industry for quite some time.
Then she said, kinda timidly, "Were you just joking when you said you'd rather be knitting?"
"Oh, no. I'd *much* rather be knitting!"
So we talked about knitting and the hours passed pleasantly until we got to the front of the line.%
Isn't the world a marvelous place sometimes?
*************
Omanthe Yunnan - Hermes
Marin says: So light.
There's some very light floral and fruit, but I can't tell what kind. It smells a little like carnation, but not as cold, and with something a tiny bit deepter and woodier on top -- not that this is a woody scent, but maybe leaves. Or bamboo. Which is what I think of every time I think of a watery wood.
It's incredibly light, but that very light cloud gusts in every now and then so I know it's still there. When I nuzzle my wrists, there's almost nothing, yet there's... something. I'm not sure if I'm in a zen place or I just don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
The Perfumed Court says: Tea, flowers$ and fruit.$ Osmanthe Yunnan is smooth and tart, with a lasting tea note that is perfect for occasions when you want an original perfume that is not heavy, but lasts.
Hans says: I like that one. It's light. It's... I can't put my finger on it. It's refreshing.§§
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): And you'd be right.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): 'Cause, y'know... you'd notice that was taken out my office window.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I am the back end. I'm always the back end. Some day, when I grow up, I want to be the front end.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Passive-aggressive, anyone?
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): I didn't know there was one until I was invited onto their mothership.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I don't know. It was an impulse. It was free.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): And by "you," I mean, "I."
%FOOTNOTE (percented): It also didn't hurt that Origins people kept bringing around Origins things to keep us entertained while we waited. There was the hand massage and the spearmint refresher stuff and these:
A trial-size tube of their most popular product, a sachet (it's zippered! I can use it again!) filled with lavender and roses and a blackberry bran muffin. That's all that's left of the blackberry bran muffin. I was hungry when I got to the office.
$FOOTNOTE (right on the money!): Ha! Got one!
§§FOOTNOTE (the world keeps turning): I'm giving Hans credit for that -- tea is refreshing, isn't it?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Secret Pal 12 Question 7
What is (are) your favorite place(s) to knit? and What supplies (besides yarn & needles) make the setting perfect for knitting?
First question:
I love to knit at the bars.† There's beer‡ and company and the distraction of dinner and beer.
I love to knit in my recliner in front of the TiVi. I saw a brain-scan study once where they showed a person's brain doing some puzzle activity,§ then that same person's brain watching TiVi,¶ then that same person's brain watching TiVi while knitting.#
I rest my case. I don't watch too much TiVi, I'm fighting brain rot on a daily basis.
And I particularly love knitting during football season. Curled up for hours in front of the TiVi, often with beer and company and the distraction of dinner and beer. So the best of all possible worlds.
Second question:
I'm going to have to say, "Beer and TiVi," Bob.††
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Patrick Carroll's and now the re-vamped Billy's Inn, new home of Cute Christopher. The lighting's better, the food is better, but it's a longer walk home from Billy's than Patrick's and Billy's isn't right across from Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack. So for now we're splitting our time.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Can substitute wine, vodka or hard cider.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Red and active!
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Dark and cold!
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Even activer than doing a puzzle!
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Didn't see that one coming, did you?
First question:
I love to knit at the bars.† There's beer‡ and company and the distraction of dinner and beer.
I love to knit in my recliner in front of the TiVi. I saw a brain-scan study once where they showed a person's brain doing some puzzle activity,§ then that same person's brain watching TiVi,¶ then that same person's brain watching TiVi while knitting.#
I rest my case. I don't watch too much TiVi, I'm fighting brain rot on a daily basis.
And I particularly love knitting during football season. Curled up for hours in front of the TiVi, often with beer and company and the distraction of dinner and beer. So the best of all possible worlds.
Second question:
I'm going to have to say, "Beer and TiVi," Bob.††
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Patrick Carroll's and now the re-vamped Billy's Inn, new home of Cute Christopher. The lighting's better, the food is better, but it's a longer walk home from Billy's than Patrick's and Billy's isn't right across from Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack. So for now we're splitting our time.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Can substitute wine, vodka or hard cider.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Red and active!
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Dark and cold!
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Even activer than doing a puzzle!
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Didn't see that one coming, did you?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Ass
TTHFCIF
Ha! Made you look!†
I did laundry Monday night.‡ While folding my favourite pair of jeans, I noticed they were getting a little worn, a little thin, a little fragile. Right at the point of my butt.§ Right where the pocket gets pulled every time it's used.
[SUMMARY: This is the set-up.]
Last night, I went to "see a movie"¶ with Laurie,# and when we parted, I decided to run over to Old Navy and get a back-up pair against the inevitable demise of said favourite jeans.
[SUMMARY: This is the suspense.]
I got home and flicked on the TiVi to see the Grey's Anatomy season finale.
[SUMMARY: This is the lull before the storm.]
I was thinking about my new jeans, thinking about my old jeans... when I decided to feel my butt and find out exactly where that worn spot was.††
[SUMMARY: This is where the music swells.]
There was a hole. All the way down the side of the pocket closest to my ass crack. I wasn't feeling flannel-soft worn denim, I was feeling naked ass.‡‡
[SUMMARY: Crash! Freeze! Close-up!]
I spent a certain amount of time trying to determine if I could feel the air on my naked ass,§§ hanging out there, to figure if the jeans had *just* ripped,¶¶ but I never could make an educated guess.%
Hans swears he would be nice enough to tell me if I had a big ol' ass rip in my jeans.
I maintain he may not have noticed.##
[SUMMARY: My denial is comforting to me.]
So this brings about the age-old philosophical question: If jeans rip in an office and nobody notices, do I still make an ass of myself?
Next week: conducting the all-important Schroedinger's Ass experiment.
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): The weekly meeting of the Brainless Twelvehood Club will now come to odor.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): I knat all day Sunday and usually I do laundry while I'm knitting so I can pretend I'm doing chores. Apparently, I was too lazy to knit and let the washer run at the same time on Sunday.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): OK, yeah, my butt doesn't really have that many points, but you know what I mean.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): After skipping the movie in favour of happy hour, we have decided that "see a movie" is now code for "cheap drinks."
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Of Suburban Sedation Crew fame. Oh, come on... you remember the Suburban Sedation Crew. How 'bout this? Tommy's Aunt Laurie.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I was in the privacy of my own home. I've done worse in the privacy of my own home.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Thong.
§§FOOTNOTE (dangerous curves!): And got so distracted I had to rewind Grey's Anatomy. Twice.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (cheek to cheek): Probably due to some world-class La-Z-Boy wallowing.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Though I'm sure Cat for Scale was wildly entertained watching me pacing the living room, sitting, standing, waving my butt around, muttering, "Yeah. Yeah, I'd notice that. Wouldn't I? Wait... no. Maybe not. How cold was my office today?"
##FOOTNOTE (two pounds of ass in a one-pound bag): Hans is 6'4". He spends most of his time in front of me. And I wouldn't be at all hurt (*sniff*) if nobody even looked at my ass to notice if it was hanging out of my jeans.
Ha! Made you look!†
I did laundry Monday night.‡ While folding my favourite pair of jeans, I noticed they were getting a little worn, a little thin, a little fragile. Right at the point of my butt.§ Right where the pocket gets pulled every time it's used.
[SUMMARY: This is the set-up.]
Last night, I went to "see a movie"¶ with Laurie,# and when we parted, I decided to run over to Old Navy and get a back-up pair against the inevitable demise of said favourite jeans.
[SUMMARY: This is the suspense.]
I got home and flicked on the TiVi to see the Grey's Anatomy season finale.
[SUMMARY: This is the lull before the storm.]
I was thinking about my new jeans, thinking about my old jeans... when I decided to feel my butt and find out exactly where that worn spot was.††
[SUMMARY: This is where the music swells.]
There was a hole. All the way down the side of the pocket closest to my ass crack. I wasn't feeling flannel-soft worn denim, I was feeling naked ass.‡‡
[SUMMARY: Crash! Freeze! Close-up!]
I spent a certain amount of time trying to determine if I could feel the air on my naked ass,§§ hanging out there, to figure if the jeans had *just* ripped,¶¶ but I never could make an educated guess.%
Hans swears he would be nice enough to tell me if I had a big ol' ass rip in my jeans.
I maintain he may not have noticed.##
[SUMMARY: My denial is comforting to me.]
So this brings about the age-old philosophical question: If jeans rip in an office and nobody notices, do I still make an ass of myself?
Next week: conducting the all-important Schroedinger's Ass experiment.
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): The weekly meeting of the Brainless Twelvehood Club will now come to odor.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): I knat all day Sunday and usually I do laundry while I'm knitting so I can pretend I'm doing chores. Apparently, I was too lazy to knit and let the washer run at the same time on Sunday.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): OK, yeah, my butt doesn't really have that many points, but you know what I mean.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): After skipping the movie in favour of happy hour, we have decided that "see a movie" is now code for "cheap drinks."
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Of Suburban Sedation Crew fame. Oh, come on... you remember the Suburban Sedation Crew. How 'bout this? Tommy's Aunt Laurie.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I was in the privacy of my own home. I've done worse in the privacy of my own home.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Thong.
§§FOOTNOTE (dangerous curves!): And got so distracted I had to rewind Grey's Anatomy. Twice.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (cheek to cheek): Probably due to some world-class La-Z-Boy wallowing.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Though I'm sure Cat for Scale was wildly entertained watching me pacing the living room, sitting, standing, waving my butt around, muttering, "Yeah. Yeah, I'd notice that. Wouldn't I? Wait... no. Maybe not. How cold was my office today?"
##FOOTNOTE (two pounds of ass in a one-pound bag): Hans is 6'4". He spends most of his time in front of me. And I wouldn't be at all hurt (*sniff*) if nobody even looked at my ass to notice if it was hanging out of my jeans.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Really?
| HowManyOfMe.com | ||
|
The website explains there are 303,644,061 people in the US.
There are at least 88,799 last names and 5,163 first names in common usage.†
There are 1,518 people with my first name‡ and 972 people with my last name.§
As to how I don't exist?¶
There are 0 people in the U.S. with your exact name. While both names you entered were found in our database, neither was common enough to make it likely that someone in the U.S. has that name.
Just for your own edification, it apparently isn't actually linked to any census records or courthouse filings. They're just going strictly on odds.
Bastards.
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): They didn't explain exactly what they mean by "common usage." That there are at least two people who have that name? That more than 2% of the population has that name? And did they count the Anne Heche character on "Men in Trees," a show I watch for the sheer thrill of hearing a TiVi character say, "Marin, I'm worried about you"?
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): more than 99.99% are female. For the record, I know a male Marin.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Proving once and for all that my last name is even weirder than my first name.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): And I quote.
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