Saturday, June 25, 2011

Mommy, Where Do Monsters Come From?

If you're very lucky, Monsters come from Jennifer by way of Nathan.

When the Monster Revolution comes, Jennifer and Nathan will be in the clear.

The rest of us should start tending our Monsters toward this end.

NOTE: If I were half-brained these days, I would've remembered to give Jennifer a shout out for being the creative force behind Cotton Monster and my new best friend. Better late than never?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


In stunning Technicolor™!

The Monster came to live with me just before Easter.% We spent a happy day playing with my new camera and these are the results.

We started with a glamour shot by the train yard.

A train came by. And the conductor *waved* at us. It may be the single greatest moment in Monster history.

LoDo§ from the wrong side of the tracks.

There was some construction we watched for awhile. They were assembling a crane.

Like this. O hai! Crane!

We headed west past the skate park to stand on the bridge over the South Platte.

A nice bicyclist thought I looked awkward holding The Monster at arm's length# to get a good river picture, so he stopped to help. Not a lot of monsters wave at train conductors and make new friends all in one day.††

It was time to get down to some serious art.‡‡ Like Common Ground, the picturesque stairway to nowhere.

We started on one side of the stairway.

Took in some rays.

Used all our America's Next Top Model training to work with our surroundings.

Played with camera angles.

Climbed the stairs, crested the summit and found a bunch of irritated, stoned emo kids hiding from the cold, cruel world there. Stepped over them and went down the other side.

Kiss the ground, we made it.

Took a moment in the shade.

"I win!"


Braved trespass charges§§ to sit on someone's front steps.

The Monster would like to conclude with a little Public Service Announcement.¶¶ Remember kids: the more you know...

%FOOTNOTE (percented): A gift from someone who knows I am fully capable of stuffed monster wrangling as an art form.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Canon G12, for those of you scoring at home.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Flowers make everything more glamourous.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Lower Downtown. Used to be a scary industrial area. Now the hub of tragic hipness and kids you want to throw off your lawn.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Which we decided to skip. You know how hard it is to get pot smoke residue out of a monster?

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Poor, sweet man; he didn't realise that "awkward" is just my natural state of being.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I can say this, as am now expert on monsters.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): No art is as serious as art you can climb on.

§§FOOTNOTE (boggle): Seriously - I opened a gate and went in for that shot. Totally worth it since I didn't get caught.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (magic wands): Let's just consider that proactive community service to balance out our prior trespassing on private property. Kharma!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The NFL Wishes Me a Happy Birthday

If they really loved me, they'd fix the labour dispute and let me believe in a 2011 season.

"Fantasy Football" is taking on sinister meaning.

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Evolution of Footnotes

I want to learn to do footnotes like they do on Grantland.

I know some of you would appreciate it.