Friday, September 28, 2007


TTHFCIF or out?

See, I heard they were in last year, but I never saw a single pair in the wild.

Then I heard they were in again this year.

Then I got this email from Nordstrom and there was a totally luxe, sexy (yes, I said it) pair of legwarmers-that-they-didn't-call-legwarmers featured.

Now I can't find the damned things to confirm.

Not that I would wear legwarmers simply because they might be fashionable, but the continuing trend of 80's fashions rearing their ugly heads fascintates me. Not to mention the fact that I can hear legwarmers are in for two straight years and never see a pair.

I actually had the thought that Vogue and Target and the TiVi told us legwarmers were in, and a collective "Meh" was heaved across the nation and NOBODY PAID ATTENTION.

Wouldn't that be something?

What if they held a fashion trend and nobody came?

But in my travels, seeking the wiley Nordstrom Legwarmer-That-is-Not-a-Legwarmer, I found some fibre trends you might be interested in. At least I found them interesting.

For instance, Old Navy:

Seriously. Knitted boots.

And mostly I ignore sweaters for this purpose, as my bent is not so much "what are the trends in fashion?" as "where is there knitted stuff I might be able to copy?" but this one was interesting. Would you rather have the bricks or the back of the bricks? It seems strained in its avant-gardeness.

And the colourway is called "grape jelly."


But for all that bitching, I kinda like the sweater.

And bags. Aren't there always bags? It seems these are bags for which I pretty much already have a pattern, though.

Now on to Nordstrom.

I searched high and low for the Legwarmers/Not Legwarmers, to no avail. Perhaps they are out already.

There are scarves, though. I quite like this one.

However, I'm pretty sure I've seen the first one of this pair on a couch in Wisconsin. And the second one... isn't that on the cover of the 1979 Vogue Knitting winter issue?

Juicy does knits. Juicy likes really long gloves. I like Juicy's really long gloves.

Juicy also apparently likes big pom-pons. I'm not so sure about that one.

Let's play a fashion version of duck, duck, goose.

There are three caps here. Do you know what kind of hats they are?

Newsboy... Newsboy... Cabby! RUN!

So if the daughter of a friend asks me for a cabby hat for Christmas, do I just knit her a newboy cap and hope it will suffice? Or is there a dire and embarrassment-mongering difference that will ruin her life if I get it wrong?

This next one made me giggle. I'm still fighting the cupcake in my bra, so... y'know. Cupcakes.

And this is wholly unremarkable -- one of those one-skein wonder things -- but Juicy thinks their knitted headband is worth $45.00. I'm guessing the profit margin after paying the Filipino kindergartner his $.002 and the $1.37 in yarn... aught plus aught, carry the aught... MANY.

Many profit margins.

Uh... no.

And this has nothing to do with knitting, but isn't putting targets on your boobs redundant?

Have a lovely weekend, ev'ry-bahdy!

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Last night was Book Club. It was also Karlyn's birthday, so we had cupcakes. Birthday cupcakes. The kind with a DQ-worthy swirl of frosting and confetti sprinkles. Y'all know -- like little NECCO wafers for your baked goods.

I didn't have one at Book Club, but I took one home. After eating my lovely supper soup, I indulged in a parti-coloured treat

Those of you who know me (or have been around this blog awhile) may have picked up that I'm fairly busty. What I probably haven't mentioned is that I also have a very short neck

[SUMMARY: Boobs!]

"But AntiM," you may ask, "why is this important? Have you gone off on another wild tangent? May I have your car keys?"

No, this is actually an important part of the set-up for today's punchline.

I wear almost exclusively v-necked tops. Things up around my neck truncate me something awful. I look like a weeble in a turtleneck. If I wear a mock turtleneck or a unisex t-shirt with a neckline up above my collarbone, I'm the Hunchfront of "Not your... damn!"§

Of late, I have developed a problem with food down my front. I must have improved my posture in the last three months or something, 'cause where I used to carry a snackload of food on the shelf that is my boobage, I now drop it clean down my cleavage via the handy V provided by my need not to resemble a troll doll.#

[SUMMARY: Boobs!]

So I finished my soup and dove into my cupcake.††

I am going to -- without shame -- blame this all on Cat for Scale.‡‡ I had to fight him off the whole time I was eating the cupcake% and I'm pretty sure that's why I ended up with half of it down my shirt.

It had *nothing* to do with my own messy eating habits.

Shut up.

I went up to the kitchen, stood above the trash can and shook crumbs out of my shirt.

[SUMMARY: Boobs!]

This happens every day. And every day, I am reminded of some basic laws of physics when I strip for bed and find several major food groups represented in my bra.§§

What was new and exciting last night was the dappled circus colours parading under my boobs. That's food colouring, my friends. It stains. The shower faded it this morning, but I still look like the victim of some vibrant and highly specific bruising.

Dork that I am, today I will occasionally pull my neckline out to look down at the artistry in my cleavage. I'm just tickled pink about it.

And purple.

And turquoise.

And yellow.

[SUMMARY: Boobs!]

And now I really should get back to work.

Happy Thursday, ev'rybahdy!

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Karlyn is on TiVi news here in Denver and is the closest thing to a celebrity most of us see on a monthly basis. Of *course* she got cupcakes for her birthday. We have to keep her happy in case we need emergency media assistance someday.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Trademark, New England Candy Company

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): As in, "Baby, those are not your... damn! Those are some titties hangin' off your ears!"

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Last three months or so.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Trademark, Russ Berrie, Jakks Pacific, Hasbro, Applause, Trollkins, Ace Novelty, Nyform and Mattel. Possibly others.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I know you know where this is going, but let me tell the story, K? I laughed myself silly last night and I don't want to be alone here, giggling to myself. Besides, it's funny in your head, but I've come up with some kick-ass verbiage and it'll make it even funnier.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): New favourite treat: green tea.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Cat for Scale loves him some frosting.

§§FOOTNOTE (we're talkin' curvy here, people): I take comfort in the fact that I could not only live off my own fat for 30 days, but in a push, could probably eke another two or three days out of the leavings in my bra.

§§FOOTNOTE (we're talkin' curvy here, people. Yeah, I said it twice.): Also? It may be my milkshake that brings the boys to the yard. It may be my lovely lady humps. I have come to peace with the idea that it may also be the in-flight snacks.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I Always Suspected...

...I just needed a six-question Innernets quiz to confirm it.

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity.

You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off.

And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave.

When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable.

Today, Tomorrow, the Next Day

Today I will be getting most of my calories from powdered coffee whitener.

Tomorrow is the absolute drop-dead on this werk project... at least for the first phase.

The next day is Friday. Then shall I drink.

I will miss you all. Don't mourn for me, but live my life as I would wish -- knit, drink, fuck, frolic.§ Stop to smell the flowers. Watch the Broncos. Eat some chocolate. Snorgle a younger man. Feel the sun on your face. Go eighty in a sixty-five. Fondle some cashmere. Take pictures of a crane. Gaze upon Christian Bale. Overextend your VISA at Etsy. And knit... knit like there's no tomorrow.

I can no longer do these things, but someone must carry on the traditions of our people.

Oh! And could somebody TiVo Ugly Betty for me?

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Should you need a soundtrack, The Alan Parsons Project's "Old and Wise" would be good here. Hey, if you can't go for the laugh, go for the drama queen.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): But not with my yarn (see disclaimer, below).

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Well, mostly the first two. I mean, if you're going for Authentic AntiM. If you're going for true wishes, go heavy on the second two. And while we're at it, I'd like a pony.

The preceeding blogpost was a hyperbolic enactment for dramatic effect. It in no way constitutes a legally binding obligation on the part of the the party of the first part ("Blogger") to die or in any other way disburse the contents of her estate to the parties of the second part ("Heartless Ghouls") whose only thought through that whole Norma Desmondesque scene was how to get to Blogger's stash first.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


...if you DON'T lick the Healthy Choice pre-formed, cafeteria-style plastic food container, is it still 270 calories?

...and Darn It, People Like Me!

I started out having an off day.

First I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. Got all the way out of the shower, had dried most of the body off and... *wham!* Realisation! Once I'd accomplished that monumental task, I forgot to put petroleum products back in my hair. I'm all fuzzy.

I used a LOT of four-letter words driving in this morning. I mean more than usual. I don't know that people were actually driving any worse, but I sure was feeling every bump in the road.

Everything about my job right now makes me feel incompetent.§

I have had no sex of the flesh-and-blood variety for 27-days-but-who's-counting.

Oh, yeah, this day definitely started out on the wrong side of my emotional bed.

I see no reason to let it continue this way.

I am eating the best apple in the world (it's a Honeycrisp. If you haven't tried Honeycrisp apples, you really should).

Muppet fur is a delight to knit and goes very quickly.


I have all the knitting books, and I know how to use them.

The sun is shining and the air is clean and fresh from all the rain.

Christian Bale.

There is a crane right down the street and I can see it from my window.

Skulls are in. I can buy skulls at Kohl's, they're so ubiquitous.

Dark chocolate.

I remembered to bring my lunch today.

The new TiVi season is underway and Ted got a butterfly tattoo on "How I Met Your Mother" last night.


There's a Mini Cooper down the street with my name on it.

I have food, shelter, yarn, a job, friends, family, Colorado, freedom of speech, football, my sense of humour, a good mattress, the right to vote, a SPECTACULAR apple, my cat, this lamp...

Aw, fuck it.

I'm going back to Ravelry.


Ooooooh... I have Ravelry!

Hearts and flowers, la la la

Happy Tuesday, ev'ry-bahdy!

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Could be worse; could be raining.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Why, oh why would anyone go five miles an hour UNDER the speed limit with nobody in front of them and clear roads? If they're younger than 70? Driving a late model Honda Civic? There's no excuse.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I know the files are bad. THEY know the files are bad. But every now and then, the bad conspires to make me think it's my own lack of mad landman skillz.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I know, I know... but I was starting to get used to it and now I'm cranky.

TOMORROW: Summaries!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Good, The Bad and the Fuzzy

The good...

Milling fuzziness

The bad...

Hey, buddy, ya gotta a little schmutz...

The why would people do this to animals.

Oh, the humanity. Alpacity. Whatever.

And this was by far the best part of that abysmal game:

Spamalot was very funny and referential. Oh, so referential. I loved the mocking of Andew Lloyd Webber.

I don't want to say too much because I don't want to spoil it for Brother, who will be going this weekend.

[SUMMARY: And that's the weekend. Back to you in New York, Bob.]

Speaking of BOB...

A little fantasy football break, because y'all knitters will think this is funny:

Last week, when I won, I posted this message to the league message board§:

SUBJECT: I am a powerhouse...
MESSAGE: ...hear me roar.

If I suck next week, I'll be back to the meek little mousie thing% you all know and love.



A note from Jack (against whose team the mighty BOB was matched this weekend):

MESSAGE#: I think not... prepare for complete and total shame. I say Humbly And no not the type of deep remorseful shame all women (and by all I mean the 3 total, including certain jcpenny women’sunderwear circular Advertisements, in his life) feel when they have stooped so low as to have had Matt penetrate their sacred inner sanctum....

SUBJECT: re: bob
MESSAGE: Matt was in my yarn room?

[SUMMARY: It's funny. You know you want to laugh.]

By the way? When I got home from the game and post-game festivities,†† I found a follow-up from Jack that just said, "never mind."

See, I'm beating him 98-74 and I still have a player going tonight. Jack is done.

[SUMMARY: Put a fork in 'im!]

OK, yarnsters, I've done my best, but I can't fake it any longer. All I want to do is go file stuff over in Ravelry.

[SUMMARY: Y'all understand.]

Oh... and the work thing.

Happy Monday!

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Or for any of you who may yet see it and don't already know the entire script of Holy Grail by heart.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): They know me as about as meek and mousie as y'all know me. Don't worry, I still think I'm funny.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Beasts of Burden -- my team. Donkey from Schreck is my mascot.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): After the severe trouncing in Week 1, mind you. Fantasy football is nothing if it's not about the unfounded trash-talking.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Note the disrespectful use of all low-case letters. Actually, Jack may not be clever enough to subtly dis me like that, but I'll give him clever points because he's about to dig himself a clever hole out of which he cannot climb...

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): ...thus. By the way? sic on all that. I just cutted and pasted. And didn't edit a thing.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): read: a trip to the Corral.

SO Unfair!

I had to set my fantasy league before running off to pick up my Broncos tickets and there was my invitation to Ravelry and I signed in and my name is TheAntiM and you can come say hi and make me your friend and all that and do you think the Harlot or Juno would let me be their Ravelry friend 'cause that would make my inner stalker very very happy but that's not the point because I have mere seconds before I have to be out of the house and I couldn't do more than barely dabble and I almost forgot to set my fantasy team not that that would be a tragedy since I didn't make any changes from last week but still I had to at least LOOK at it to determine that and if I had had to make changes I may have been late and that would have sucked but not as much as having a Ravelry me all set up and being completely unable to revel in my Ravelry and I really really do have to leave now so think of me languising at the game without my Ravelry.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Points for Python


So yesterday was Third Thursday, something the Merchants Association on 32nd Avenue thought up to answer the wildly popular First Fridays in the artier districts.

IRL Kelley and I were talking to Kristy, owner of one of our favourite shops§ and one of our favourite shop owners, and we asked her how long it had been going on since, well... in general, we're pretty connected to the consumer-driven side of the community, being the consummate consumers we are, but we hadn't heard of it until last month.

Turns out they've been doing it for a year or so. Kristy said something to the effect of, "It's stupid. Nobody comes."

I think they need better advertising. I've sat on a barstool at the Coral Room many a third Thursday, I'm sure, and watched the world go by and never, ever realised the festivity that was ostensibly going on.

First Friday never lives up to its hype, but at least you always know it's going on 'cause there always is hype. And because of the hype, it keeps getting bigger and starts fulfilling the promises of the earlier hype.

[SUMMARY: A shopkeepers goals must exceed his reach, else what is First Friday for?]

Anyway, I bought stuff:

Lauryn, whom you may remember from the highly biological necklace, had a trunk show at Studio Bead, so of course we went. And of course, I bought, 'cause Lauryn uses lots of rocks and, y'know... rocks friends.#

I'm pretty sure these are chrysocolla. I'm pretty sure Red will correct me if I'm wrong.

And when I was at Kristy/Christi/Kristee's shop, I couldn't leave this behind:

See the lining?

[SUMMARY: If yarn doesn't make everything better, surely skulls do.]

And just to drive home the point that this isn't a fashionista zone with shopping and hip little bits, still VERY MUCH a knitblog, the first strip†† of the Lizard Ridge, she is complete.

[SUMMARY: Pretty.]

We had a spectacular sunset last night, only sort of captured here.

[SUMMARY: Um... pretty.]

I'm starting to feel guilty about taking the Girl Colours Big Baby away from the cat. He spends so much of his spare time‡‡ with it. And doesn't he look content?

I wonder if he'd like a Kitty Pi...?

[SUMMARY: Spoiled. Rotten.]

Tonight, I see Spamalot, a show I had a remarkably hard time finding a date for. Male or female. Platonic or romantic.

FIRST: Several people§§ expressed an "I just never liked Monty Python" sentiment. Even more¶¶ expressed an "Only if John Cleese and Michael Palin are actually going to be on stage" sentiment.

What's a girl gotta do to give away orchestra seating to a Broadway smash hit?

You don't have to answer that. The topless scenario has already occurred to me, perhaps a little late.

SECOND: Did anybody else notice there weren't a whole lot of questions about the Pythons on the geek test. As I recall, The Holy Grail wasn't something the jocks did before big games. It was something we recited while hanging lights or before Movement and Mime class.

Why not more points for Python? Katzen in himmel, I could have been a supergeek with just a couple more points on my side.

[SUMMARY: We need a telethon.]


Tonight, Spamalot.

Tomorrow, alpaca show.

Sunday, Brocos v Jagwads.

And with that, I leave you to your Friday.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): I have no idea if there actually is such a thing.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Christy, Kristi, Christiee... at least I pronounce it right.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Starlet, where I got my Angry Little Girls F*@K! bag

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): OK, mostly Kelley's connected to the merchants and I'm connected to the Innernets, but between us we're a force to be reckoned with.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Name that movie!

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): A full 1/4 of the blanket, for those of you scoring at home.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Spare time... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Like the cat has a busy schedule and has to shoehorn in a little quality time with the blanket.

§§FOOTNOTE (how curvy? THAT curvy!): OK, so maybe just Kelley.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (double-dipping on the paragraphs): Mathematically speaking, the set known as everybody minus Kelley; by definition, a much larger group by at least 100% than just Kelley.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Guess What I Did at Lunch?

Need. Not want... NEED.

I need this card.

YOU need this card.


Ramble Redhead Jaxon's blog says sometimes.

So I ordered some Sugar 'n' Cream from Herrschner's because I don't have nearly enough yarn and I really got a bug to knit washcloths... oh, some time last week.

Did you know Herrschner's has some really good yarn?

Why didn't you tell me?

Now, I've received my share of Herrschner's catalogs in my day. And, because they happen to be headquartered in my mom's hometown,§ I've been to the Herrschner's store. The impression that has stayed with me is "cheap."^ And possibly "totally craptastic version of Michael's."

I picked up the mail this morning and there was the package from Stevens Point.% I hit the office early and Googled Herrschner's to 1) be sure I was spelling it right,¶ and 2) get the URL to link here. What to my wondering eyes should appear? Debbie Bliss! Elsebeth Lavold! Louisa-freakin'-Harding!

Herrschner's has Rowan in their Miscellaneous section.

I did a couple of price comparisons, and some of them are downright astonishing: Debbie Bliss Alpaca Silk at about $5 a ball. It runs upward of $8 most other places I looked.# Noro Kureyon, not such a bargain at a very standard $8.50 a ball, but mostly good prices.

Maybe I'm finding a new niche. Maybe I can be the bargain knitter -- discount yarns, remainders, scratch-and-dent, limited selection, synthetic blends.

Then again, I'm pretty sure if I go that route I can't do muppet fur experiments just to do muppet fur experiments.

Or buy Cider Moon yarn just because they tell me there are only two skeins of that colour and I can be the only kid on my block with Hex socks.

Or panic and press the "charge my card" button just because the Fearless Fibers Seven Deadly Sins Sock Club only has two memberships left.

Or even *contemplate* knitting cashmere socks.


Nope. Not quite feeling that.

OK, so I'll just let you know when I find something good.

[SUMMARY: She used THAT many words to bring us back to square one?]

Speaking of Cider Moon...

Does anybody out there know what happened? What's happening? Will they ever come back? I feel like I've lost my new best friend.

[SUMMARY: When bad lawyers happen to good people...]

Speaking of knitting...

Have you seen the new Knit.1? Holy fucking cats...

While there's a cool Dia de Los Muertos doll family,†† there is a paucity of really good patterns and a plethora o' weird-ass, what-were-they-thinking stuff. Flip through it next time you're near a newsstand. It'd be good lunchtime entertainment.

[SUMMARY: Suddenly, a critic.]

Guess who just volunteered to help with the local Sticks and Stitches‡‡ this year?

[SUMMARY: Not too bright, but at least I'm in the loop.§§]

Lookie there. I did pretty good for someone who thought she had nothing to say and almost skipped today's blogpost.

You're welcome.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Colour me dork.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): That would be the C part of the OC thing.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Stevens Point, Wisconsin.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Not "good prices," but cheap. Cheap like a Furr's Cafeteria checkout girl in blue glitter eyeshadow and Barbie pink lipstick to match her shiny plastic high-heeled shoes.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): It was kinda like a letter from Mom.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Maintaining the high standards of spelling and grammar you've come to expect here at the Rickety Blog...

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Which would pretty much be Yarn Market and The Yarn and Fiber Company. Yarn and Fiber came in at the second lowest price at $7.65.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Thus:

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): NHL hockey with knitting. I don't know if it's league-wide or just in Colorado since, y'know, we have Interweave Press here. 'Tis a privlege to live in Colorado.*

*FOOTNOTE WITHIN A FOOTNOTE: The motto of the Denver Post.

§§FOOTNOTE (how curvy are you willing to go?]: Ha! Pun!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Anna-Liza made me do it.

i am a major geek


There are FAR too many questions about Latin and Trivia for me to escape unscathed.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): ...and 20-sided dice and Supergirl and theatre tech and computer hacking...


We have fibre.

Oh yes, we have fibre. Fibre in several forms. FO fibre. WIP fibre. USO fibre.

[SUMMARY: Fibre.]

First, the very cat-friendly Girl Colours Big Baby.

I couldn't keep Cat for Scale off this. I tried using the Boy Colours Big Baby as a decoy, but he didn't want Boy Colours, he wanted Girl Colours. When I finished it, I tossed it in the other recliner and he's been nesting in it every since.

You may be horrified that I let the cat nest in a blanket that will go to a tender and beloved baby, but the baby in question lives with at least three dogs and at least two cats and the blanket will be washed, of course, so... I didn't feel the slightest compunction about distracting the Quill Beast from, say, my circular needles or my dinner.§

If that bothered you, don't read the next bit. In fact, if you're in the middle of any kind of meal or tend to be squeamish, don't read the next bit. Fair warning.

The other night, the cat walked across my head, down my shoulder and hopped to the Other Recliner to cuddle up with the GCBB. He gave his balls a perfunctory lick, then began the distinctive *hglughglughglug* of a feline about to hornk something up.

"NO! Not the Blanket! That's for a BABY! Quill!"

But a cat in the middle of a good hornk doesn't so much pay attention.

He upchucked all over the corner of the blanket, sat there for a moment blinking at his work, then licked it clean.

(That was the gross part. All you delicate flowers who averted your eyes can tune back in now.)

[SUMMARY: Sorry Dave! I'll wash the blanket before I send it!]

And just in time for the Yarn Acquisition Report!

I got this lovely cashmere at Smiley's. Now, my Jersey girls# and various others in the know may be rolling their eyes at this point. Smiley's classically has yarn for the non-snob, frequently at ridiculously low prices.

Most of their stock is Lion Brand, Patons, et al, with a healthy dose of Yarn Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken, but rhymes with Dead Art. If you have to make something on a budget or something that has to be washed and dried or may be quickly outgrown, you can do worse than Lion or Patons, particularly at Smiley's prices.

They do carry some off-brand Italian luxury yarns for the snob in you.

A lot of the yarn at Smiley's is $1 a skein or $2 or $3... most is 30% - 50% off retail price. They tend to have limited colour selection, as a lot of their stock is discontinued or overstock or something.†† Some of it you probably wouldn't take if they offered to have Christian Bale hand-deliver it to you, but, again... worth checking in now and then to see if there's something you can use at half-price.

BTW... the fact that there was a personal thank you note from Frank on the invoice does not colour my feelings toward Smiley's at all. *ahem*

Back to the cashmere. This is a chained yarn, worsted weight, 50g/154 yards for $16 a skein. I got three of each colour (red and black). There isn't much halo on it, so it's a smooth softness, rather than bunny-soft like my cashmere sweaters. Lovely, nonetheless.

I figure I'll knit up a couple of lovely scarves for people I'm, frankly, not sure are going to be gift-worthy at Christmastime, but who cares? If you have a couple of "extra" cashmere scarves lying around, how are you going to bitch about that?

To sweeten the pot, each colour came in its own nice heavy plastic bag with the plastic handle that snaps together -- you know, like they give you at the Garden and Home Show to carry all your coupons and brochures. The Lizard Ridge‡‡ is currently travelling in one of my Smiley's bags.

[SUMMARY: Half-price cashmere. What more really *needs* be said?]

Last week during Landmanning for the Non-Landman,§§ I turned the heels on both of the debt socks for Brother (while he drafted the yarn, having nothing else to do).

Brother looked at them and said, "I love heels."

I was a little surprised, 'cause I didn't know he'd been paying close enough attention to appreciate the glorious geometric wonder that is heels, so I got abnormally enthusiastic and said, "Me too. They're magic!"

He looked at me for a moment with that reptilian smugness only a little brother can exhibit and said, "I like them because once there's a heel it's a sock, not just a dick warmer."

Apparently, being twelve runs in the family.

[SUMMARY: The bloodline is doomed.]

I have been fondling this yarn over at Syl's House of Fuzzy Crack for weeks. As long as it's been out, I've been cuddling it and nuzzling it and asking, "Syl, what would you make with this?" and asking, "Syl, how many skeins would you use for a scarf?"

I imagine Sylvia is delighted I finally bought the yarn and stopped musing on it in this altogether too wishy-washy fashion.

I started knitting it up last night. As expected, it knits up like Muppet skin and very, very soft. I suspect it has a really nice hand.¶¶

It's microfibre, and (like Big Baby) says to hand wash and lay flat, but I suspect (like Big Baby) you can actually machine-wash it and -dry it as long as you don't get too extreme in temperature or beat it on a rock to wash it. Once I've tested that theory on this yarn, I'll let y'all know.

It's kinda hard to see the characteristic of the yarn...

...'specially when I got all artsy and nature-girl about it...

...but it has a row of these cool loops like your average terry-cloth bath towel (only a little longer) and a row of silky soft Muppet## fur behind that.

Here. This is what the Skacel website has, and they should know. It's their yarn:

If you click-for-big, I bet you can see the loops and everything.

[SUMMARY: Ah, techmology.]

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day, ev'ry-bahdy!

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Because I have two in the living room and one is patently mine. You'd think the cat would gleefully take over the other one when he's upstairs ('cause y'all know he has his own recliner in the basement). No, no. Through the perversity of cats, he wants to sit on top of my head on the back of MY recliner, sometimes sticking one thorny paw under the edge of my shirt to... what? Maintain control? Leave a mark? Warm his foot?

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Circular needles are the best cat toy ever.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): He has added raisins and pumpkin seeds to his list of favourite foods and trying to snack on a little gorp is now like trying to wrestle a well-oiled octopus with claws and a cold, wet nose.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I do not believe this was cause or even related to the act of barf that followed.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Hi Glinda!

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I'm totally blowing smoke here. It's just an educated guess, and not that educated at that.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Almost done with the first strip, thanks for asking.

§§FOOTNOTE (snakes eat their tales): When I was in college, I took a class called Studio Art for the Non-Artist. Now, I took a lot of art in high school and consider myself reasonably artistic, but the bent of the class was to give an art elective credit to, say, business majors. We dabbled in the shallow end of many media and theories, but it would have been nearly impossible to get less than a B in the class unless you just completely failed to go or do any art.

Every time I end up in a class or lecture that's too-too basic, I immediatly dub it "Something for the Non-Somethingist."

¶¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphs coming out of my ears!): Yeah, I still don't know what "hand" means.

##FOOTNOTE (pounded like a two-dollar whore): Yes, I've used the word "Muppet" several times now, exhibiting a redundancy and obsession extreme even for me. I really, really want to knit my own Grover. I need a lovable, furry pal.

Go ahead. Be twelve. Take that any way you want.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

To Be Fair...

...Ally is doing a remarkable job of sucking in our Onion Shattered Fantasies league. Give her a shout out next time you're over at her place.

My Crane: a Story in Photos

I think we've learned a valuable lesson from all this: my ability to count is only surpassed by my mad cinematic skillz.

At least we're out of the football thing for a few days. Now we can talk about me.

[SUMMARY: I don't know about y'all, but I'm all about some me.]

As you may recall, I moved to a new office last week. Several of my co-workers have commented on my stunning view of seven or eight major pay parking lots here in downtown Denver, but the real feature is this:

Yes, I can see a crane from my window.§

No, that's not a thumbprint. It was foggy and rainy and damp on Monday.^

Of course, there was Wednesday.

This is what it looks like at 5-fucking-30 in the ay-em:

7:30 am...

6:30 pm%...

[SUMMARY: The whinging never ends.]

And Mini Bonding in the parking lot.#

[SUMMARY: Neither does the dork.]

When I was in on Saturday (and don't think I won't whine about that if I feel the need), the red Cooper was there too. I wonder if the red Cooper lives nearby. I wonder if the red Cooper's driver would like to have lunch some time.

[SUMMARY: The red Cooper is my new best friend!]

On Thursday and Friday I had the RMMLF Mineral Title Examination seminar. A waste of time, resources, money, fuel,†† energy, space... honestly, the materials are good, but the live presentations left something to be desired. Most of them.

See, they kept every speaker to twenty minutes and they tried to keep most of it really, really basic. And they talked about LR2000‡‡ constantly.

Let me break it down for you, knitta style:

Say you shelled out $600 for a two-day knitting symposium. All your LYS owners and a couple of notaries from across the country were slated to talk about your craft. They give you a big ol' book full of tips and tricks and patterns.

Then they say, "If you've been knitting for less than a year, raise your hand." You look around. About four people have their hands in the air.

Then they say, "And how many of you have been knitting for more than ten years?" You look around and more than half the room have their hands in the air.

You may think at this point that they're going to say, "Well, then, we won't be teaching you to cast on, we'll assume y'all know the knit and purl and we'll get right into some theory and design and such. If you noobs have questions, track down one of the many OKE's§§ out there and they'll be happy to help you."

But no, they explain that you can see how mixed a group it is, and they're going to try to address issues that will be in the interest and purview of each level of expertise, but because that's so varied, everybody's going to get screwed.¶¶

[SUMMARY: Really. That bad.]

Then they tell you that, in the interest of keeping on schedule, they're only going to let each person (even the Yarn Harlot) speak for only twenty minutes.

The first seven people tell you^^ is a really excellent resource and you should familiarise yourself with it. They tell you it may take some practise to get the hang of it, but it has lots of good information. Each one tells you this for twenty minutes.

[SUMMARY: I'm not kidding. That bad.]

Thank the katzen in himmel you have your knitting.##

I can't tell you how it happened,††† but the running jokes over the two-day lawfest were "meth lab" and "LR2000."

I was working on Brother's socks. After a few rounds, he was drafting out my yarn for me. I said, "Thanks!"

He said, "I don't have anything else to do."

[SUMMARY: Seriously. That bad.]

Hell week is over, technically. I'm still helling, but at least I'm not helling at 5-fucking-30 in the ay-em.

[SUMMARY: There is no statute of limitations for whining about being at the office at 5-fucking-30 in the ay-em.]

And tomorrow, there will be yarn pictures.

Y'know... to make it all better.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Why does everything look so much worse on the Innernets? On my monitor, my pictures are crisp and clear and my video doesn't look like it's raining on my camera.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): I reserve the right to go fantasy dork on you. It's my blog and I'll dork what I want to.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): It may not be great for my professional career that every time someone says, with that little edge of sarcasm, "Oh, you got a window. Nice view," I get all squirmy and go, "Oh, but look at the crane! I have a thing for cranes."


"Oh, yeah."


"Well, good for you then. We'll see you later."

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Last Monday. OK, yesterday too. It's good -- I like rain and fog anyway, but if your Monday is drippy, at least you don't feel like you've lost your weekend to the rain gods.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Yes, I'm still whining about that. I figure I've got another two or three weeks of dropping the "5-fucking-30" thing into casual conversation.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): All the same day. I'm not done whining yet.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): The same bemused construction worker has walked by every. single. time. I've taken a picture of the red Mini. He's started giving me a wide berth and won't make eye contact anymore. Would it make things better or worse if I explain the Mini Bonding thing?

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): And, y'all know, I'm in the petroleum business. I'm usually a great advocate of keeping-Marin-busy-and-in-sock-yarn-through-irresponsible-use-of-hydrocarbons.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Land Records 2000, the Bureau of Land Managment's dbase system wherein we find much of what we may need on federal lands and minerals and other groovy information on surface authority, patented lands, mining claims, USGS resurveys... you know. Stuff you use every day.

§§FOOTNOTE (is it curvy in here, or is it just me?): When we (Brother and I) were down on the Ice (Antarctica), freshman workers were Fingies (FIN-jees), or FNGI, which stood for "fucking new guy on the Ice." Second-years on up were OAE's, or Old Antarctic Explorers. So OKE: Old Knitting Explorer. Yeah, that may have been too far to go to explain an inside joke that you will never have to know again. Of course, you realise I will now have to drop OKE regularly enough to make the last 100 words worthwhile. My blog, my rules.

Do I seem abnormally surly to you today? Must be the sunny weather and nine-hour workdays.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (seriously paragraphed): I may be paraphrasing.

^^FOOTNOTE (carets are good for your eyes): This is our LR2000 analog, for those of you scoring at home.

##FOOTNOTE (totally pounded): This applies equally to the fictitious knitting symposium and the actual Cirque du Mineral Law.

†††FOOTNOTE (it's looking like Calvary Hill around these parts): Not because it's a secret, because I don't really remember. There was also moss involved. I *really* don't know how that happened. Old. Feeble.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Ride 'Em Cowgirl!

Y'all have dirty minds.

I was talking about the charming tradition of running Thunder after Bronco scores.



I just had a Beavis moment.

Bronco Sunday

The theme for today is Horse.

Italian horses...

An old Colorado horse...

Giant dancing field horse

Horse afire

2007 season opener


I never want to be late to a sporting event 'cause I love to sing the Star Spangled Banner. When our flag is still there, I always tear up.

Mom is with me. At least her shoes. Yeah, that can bring a lump to my throat too.

When lightning strikes... why does it never strike the Raider fan?

Placekicker's tee in the Giant's Playground

Face mask in the Giant's Playground

And guess what. I'm going back next Sunday.