Long Time No Lick

Couldn't you just slurp 'em up?

*************

Heat is not my favourite medium.†

But the little yard outside the Baptist church I can see from my window currently sports a crew‡ of landscape maintenance technicians§ and one of them has his shirt off.

Let's just say this boy should ALWAYS go shirtless.

Hey, you have your boys of summer, I have mine.¶

*************

Sunday night at family dinner, I mentioned the crane in Houston that broke free and killed its oppressors.#

Brother gave me that... Brother... look.

Dad began to wax eloquent on cranes, and Brother said, "You have a crane thing? Is that where she gets it?"

"No, this is years of observation."

Heredity. Cranes are in the blood.††

*************

Speaking of nature vs. nurture. Sort of:

A couple of weeks ago, Dr. Doom said, "AntiM, I wish I was a girl."

So, y'know, partly worried that one of my favourite nephews was experiencing gender identity pains and partly worried about what this would do to his childhood, I said, "I'm sorry to hear that. Why do you wish you were a girl?"

"Because girls get to like princesses and I love the princesses only boys aren't supposed to like princesses."

Caught halfway between laughing and crying, I said, "Boys can like princesses if they like. There's not a thing in the world wrong with liking princesses no matter who you are."

So I was at Target Sunday and, on a whim,‡‡ I checked on the pink aisle to see what they had in a Disney Princess. Lo and behold, they had a set of Disney princess action figures. There was only one set left. I bought it and decided to give it to him right away.§§

It should be noted for those of you who may think the Dr. Doom appelation is inappropriate for such a sensitive little boy that there was a princess death match at dinner and Ariel kicked some major ballgowned ass.¶¶

*************

Soldier Boy called yesterday.

If you cast your mind back, the last time he called, I called back to say, "I need time to shave my legs. Please give me notice next time."

So the message, "I'm in Denver for a couple of days and thought maybe we could get together for a beer. I know the last time I talked to you, you said you need time to buff and polish, so I'm callin' to see if we can get together tomorrow or Wednesday. Maybe get some munchies."

I think it's heartening to know he listened. I think it's even more heartening that he remembered something from that long ago.###

*************

I gave in.

At lunch, I bought this:




The fact that there are vampires and scent## surely make up for the fact that when I couldn't find it in Fiction and Literature or Sci-Fi/Fantasy and asked at the information desk, I had to be led to the teen section.†††

*************

I also bought this:




I believe knitting is waning fast as a fad.

I looked at my local grocery store.‡‡‡ I looked at Borders. I found one lone copy of Knitscene at Barnes & Noble.

While I was at B&N, I checked the knitting section to see if there's anything I need.§§§

The knitting section is less than half what it was a month ago.

When I was looking for a picture of the cover to post here, I found that neither B&N online nor Amazon.com is carrying Knitscene anymore.

I suspect there are a lot of that particular type of snob¶¶¶ who will purport to be thrilled not to have to cope with amateur hour at the local yarn store anymore, but if knitting is no longer the It hobby, I think we'll see less books, less yarn, less patterns.

More isn't always bad. Popularity isn't always a curse.

*************

Finally, let's take a sniff at today's perfume: Guerlain Aqua Allegoria Angelique - Lilas.

This is my *ahem* Danielle Steele scent.%

And it smells like lilacs. For a long time, it smells like lilacs. It smells like lilacs right out of the bottle and keeps on smelling like lilacs. I thought for fleeting moments I got a whiff of grass, but it always went back to lilacs...

...until about 3:03 this afternoon, when it softened into a cedar-tinged light musk, which I really rather like.

Huh.

I love the smell of lilacs when it arrives in the spring. Around day three of lilac season, I'm done. That first whiff is a harbinger, a soft, sweet sign of the season. The fifty-first whiff is a blanket of sweet I can't get away from.

I feel the same way about orange blossoms in Scottsdale.

Damn, I'm picky.

The Perfumed Court says: "Lilas creates a sensual blend of soft floral notes, bright green notes,* and subtle musk$ notes. With notes of pink peppercorn, jasmine, Seville orange,^ angelica,= lilac,@ ylang ylang,& cedar$ and heliotrope."

Hans says: *sniff* *eyeroll* *pause*

"I rather like that."

He cocked his head, beckoned with his fingers for me to hold my wrist up again, took a deep whiff and said, "Fruity!"

I guess Hans could smell the orange.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): At least when it comes to weather.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Three guys. I could mow this lawn, trim it and blow the lawn schrapnel off in less than an hour. Three guys? I am, of course, mostly bitching because I only got to watch the Young and the Shirtless for about ten minutes.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I made that up. It sounds really PC, doesn't it?

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Let's not talk about the Rockies just now, shall we? Concentrate on the pretty boy with the pretty chest.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): I'm developing my own theory on the Mass Crane Collapse of 2008.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Wouldn't it make a fantastic nature vs. nurture study?

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Much surrounding princesses is whimsical.

§§FOOTNOTE (turn around when you're two, turn around when you're four...): Justifying my psycho-auntdom, who knows if he'll still be into princesses at Christmas?

¶¶FOOTNOTE (and the winner is...): I like to think this is because Ariel is a redhead.

##FOOTNOTE (pounded like the ego of a 41-year-old in the teen section): Thank you, Secret Pal.

†††FOOTNOTE (three times a vampire): I really thought the guy said the books were in "thirteenth century." Wishful thinking.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (railroad tracks to nowhere): Which not only didn't have Knitscene, but isn't carrying knitting magazines at all anymore.

§§§FOOTNOTE (yarn over): Read: anything I don't already have.

¶¶¶FOOTNOTE (three needle bind-off): You know the type -- the ones who get sputtering mad over the phrase, "Not your grandmother's knitting" or the designation "hip."

###FOOTNOTE (oh, the pounding I could have had!): Though disheartening that he apparently got booked up for the couple of days he's here. We talked for a bit and he kinda said, "Nobody ever comes to visit me in Vail. I try to touch base every time I'm in Denver. Talk to you later." Does *anyone* know the Boy-to-Girl translation of this? Other than, "Marin is not getting laid any time this week"?

%FOOTNOTE (percented, because four of anything is anathema): From "Zoya," the first Danielle Steele book I ever read, about a Russian noble who was friends with the royal family and had to flee in the face of the Revolution. Zoya and the royal daughters wore Lilas and it was used to denote a trip down memory lane for the post-Revolution portion of the book. For the record, I checked another Danielle Steele novel out of the library, hated it and never read Danielle Steele again. I re-read Zoya every couple of years just 'cause it's a good yarn.

*FOOTNOTE (asterisked, ibid): Where? WHERE ARE THE GREEN NOTES? I'm pretty sure I like green notes.

$FOOTNOTE (moneyed, ibid): Ha! Got one!

^FOOTNOTE (careted, ibid): Lookie there. Hans was right. I knew he'd redeem himself for the very flippant "diaper" comment.

=FOOTNOTE (equaled): I wouldn't know an angelica if it bit me in the ass. Isn't angelica that stuff that makes yarn sparkly?

@FOOTNOTE (atted, ibid): Duh

&FOOTNOTE (ampersanded, ibid): There's ylang-ylang in this? Wow. Maybe ylang-ylang isn't the spew of the devil I thought it was. Out of fairness to ylang-ylang, most of my experience with it is in the form of bubble baths from Whole Foods that are supposed to be sexy. Oh, yeah. I'm that girl.

Frickin' Stock Show

OK, the sheep is a sheep and we all think that's pretty cool, but "pretty cool" is the tip of the iceberg† in describing the blistering cold that comes with the National Western Stock Show & Rodeo.

Every year. Every SINGLE year. It's like some weird childhood myth all bulked up on reality 'roids.

You know how you remember every afternoon that year you got a swimming pool it rained -- not just rained, but thundered and lightninged^ -- but if you actually talk to your parents or check the National Weather Service charts, it only rained once every two weeks in that rainy, rainy year, and was, in fact, considered one of the worst drought years in the history of your history? 'Cause all you can remember is the days you couldn't swim because of the thunderstorms? Even though there were only apparently two all summer?

This is like this, only everything you remember is true. You can have a fairly balmy November, a downright mild December and *BAM!* The second the Stock Show comes to town, the mercury plummets.

And by "you," I mean, "I."

[SUMMARY: Global warming, my ass.‡]

Those of you who live in the midwest or eastern seaboard know cold. And it's that moist, creepy cold that worms its way in through the very stitches in your clothing. It's a cold propelled by winds off the lake.@

But that's a relatively warm cold. If there is water in the air, it's warm enough that it hasn't all gone to ice. Not necessarily warm, but warmer than.

Here in the high desert, it gets bitter. Not the good bitter, like 70% cacao chocolate, but the nasty, biting bitter of a 40-year-old with no sex life, no romantic prospect and nothing but a spoiled cat to keep her company in these, her twilight years.§

Dry cold will hurt you.

Dry cold sands your eyes and turns your lungs to styrofoam when you try to breath. It frosts your nose hairs and aches your ears. Your face shrinks instantly like like time lapse photography of mud after a summer cloudburst in the desert. You go, "Waaauuuggghhhh!!!" when you exit your car.¶

[SUMMARY: Take that, dead horse!]

It gets too cold to snow.

So many people think I'm makin' shit up again when I say that, but it's absolutely true. A simplified version, but true. The colder the air temp, the less the capability of the atmosphere to hold water. Now, you can have snow at very low temperatures, but uplift factors and upper atmosphere issues come in.

In Colorado, we have no upper atmosphere. We have precious little atmosphere, period. So it gets really cold and the water that already wasn't there isn't capable of hanging around and it doesn't snow.#

Or it spits these minute, stinging ice pellets.††

Damned unpleasant, that's what it is.

[SUMMARY: Someone got up on the cold side of the bed this morning.]

I did wake up to a newsletter from The Brown Palace in my email today:


A Bull in a China Cabinet at The Brown Palace,
Friday, Jan. 25

Well, not really a bull, or a china cabinet, but this is as close as it gets. The National Western Stock Show's 2008 Grand Champion Steer will walk down a red carpet to be put on display during Afternoon Tea in the hotel's lobby. From 11 a.m. - 1 p.m., catch a close-up of the steer and have complimentary photos taken with him.


[SUMMARY: Every fucking bitter cold winter cloud has a silver lining.]

In even brighter news, I did go to the mailbox this morning% and send many thanks to Cheryl, for rewarding me -- simply for having the most tasteless neighbours$ -- with a shiny copy of "Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair."

And to Annie B, my new best friend at Interweave, for gifting me a book of my own choosing from the Interweave library for all my hard work‡‡ on Sticks 'n' Stitches. The "Knitted Tams" book bears closer scrutiny at a slightly later date, but let me tell you I'm excited about the principles it illustrates.§§

Speaking of principles, I also got Barbara Walker's "Knitting from the Top," and I'd like to thank Taos Books for not thinking just because other people are charging upwards of $100 for the book, they have to jump off that building too.¶¶

You'll also be pleased to know I brought my camera AND yarns and knitting books to the office to photograph them in daylight. You know what this means: I can knock off a thousand words for every photo I post.##

[SUMMARY: Tomorrow may be a better day.]

Besides, knitting pictures always make it all better.



†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Dude, I should write for Parade or one of those low-quality anti-journalistic fluff additions to the Sunday paper. Did you see that stilted opening? The tortured segueway? The bad, bad pun? Of course, I meant it all *ironically*...

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Yes, I'm pretty sure that's a word.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Well, not so much an ass as a sheep.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): There's always a lake.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Maybe I'm projecting.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Which I did. And scared the nice, normal guy waiting to cross at the light next to me.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): It has to be really, really cold to actually be "too cold to snow," according to my research, but I've also been in 40-below cold. See: Gunnison (my home town and college stomping grounds). Also? "Uplift" might not be a technical weather term. I think I got it from a Victoria's Secret catalog.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): No-see-ums for the ice age.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Yea, me!

$FOOTNOTE (moneyed): I'd like to thank the Academy and god and my parents and the Kislings...

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

§§FOOTNOTE (twister! ): And the pretty pictures.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (gophers): As in, "If all the other bookstores jumped off a building, would you jump off a building too?" For the record, it was a very reasonable $18.50, deemed to be in "very good" condition and is actually in brand new condition.

##FOOTNOTE (pounding like a Stock Show wind): I said, "can," not "will."

Weekend Between the Pipes

For those of you not hockey-literate, that has nothing to do with the crack y'all might assume I've been smoking, lo, these past 10 months.†

Genius Sarah and I toddled over to the Pepsi Center early to "help set up." I use quotes because Annie and Sandi were really on top of it and didn't so much *need* us. But it did give us an opportunity to insist the security people at the Pepsi Center call all over the arena on their radios to get us clearance.‡

[SUMMARY: Wreaking havoc wherever I go...]

Sylvia sent a load of fuzzy crack and some fantastic prizes§ along, so we lugged those up to the Interweave Sticks 'n' Stitches% table at Section 317.

Mostly we just stood around for awhile, jawing and shifting from foot to foot. Sandi was hungry, so we went in search of our complimentary hot dogs at Section 354. "Why 354?" you might ask, when there were stands so much closer to the table at 317 and our actual seating in Section 312.

I'm guessing because you had to pass a lot of mini bars on the way and they hoped knitters wouldn't be able to pass up the chance to belly up to the bar. As I liked to say when subsequent knitters asked where it was,¶ "Go past the beer stand, two Tuaca bars and the margarita bar and it's on your left."

[SUMMARY: You know more about Pepsi Center concessions than you ever needed to know.]

Sandi, my new best friend, managed to escape my camera,^ but I snapped this lovely shot of my new best friend, Annie, and Sarah# just before the floodgates opened.




Knitters started showing up in small droves, perusing the available goodies and walking away with new stash. And magazines. And patterns. And project bags. And Posh coupons.

Annie told us when we got there to grab what we wanted and I thought, "Well, I'll just wait and see if there's anything left that speaks to me. Let the other knitters have first crack."††

This would be knitters. Taking first crack.



Sarah and I manned‡‡ the table between the second and third periods, just in case there were additional donations to Warm Up America and it looked like locusts had descended upon the table. There were a few magazines and random patterns left, but the knitters had done a pretty good job of denuding the crops.

Which is OK. I don't need any more yarn.

[SUMMARY: Need is such a confining word.]

Hockey knitters at work and play



I also got to meet my new best friend, Brendan, my rock star contact at the Colorado Avalanche. Isn't he cute? He even asked after my Lizard Ridge.§§ Apparently, Brendan's brother-in-law¶¶ works at Interweave. Maybe in accounting.

[SUMMARY: Six Degrees of Interweave Press.]




Now, this one I'm sharing, despite its god-awful camera shake because it made me laugh. More than once.




I caught Genius Sarah in a yawn, but doesn't it look like she's harmonising with the guy behind her and the chick down front? And I love the look on the face of the girl in the lower right corner. Like she was caught doing something naughty.##

[SUMMARY: Everything's naughty with the wrong mindset.]

TiVi STAR UPDATE: eBeth, the SIL, caught my SupaStar appearance on the TiVi at the gym. For those of you not following along in the comments, she first recognised me by my HANDS. Which shows a dedication to the cause I find admirable.

Also? I can't help but wonder if I went to the gym more if it might not have been bigger publicity for me. Y'know... like people would look up and say, "Hey! Isn't that the chick who's on the treadmill every day? I spotted her on the free weights last week! Ooooh! Brush with greatness!"

[SUMMARY: I may have to revisit the New Year's Resolution thing to include going to the gym more simply for recognition factor.]

Happy Monday, y'all. It's going to be a long, long week -- the first time some of us have to work five full days in AGES.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): It refers to the goal... the area between the pipes that make up the frame on the net in hockey. Let it never be said I'm not wildly educational.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): They don't let people in more than one hour before the game (we were there at 5:30 for a 7:00 drop), but you see, we weren't just PEOPLE. We were VOLUNTEERS.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I know the Columbus Blue Jackets are also hosting a Sticks 'n' Stitches, for those of my peeps in the Greater Columbus Metro Area. There may be others -- check with your local teams. If your local teams aren't on board, maybe you should look into Sticks 'n' Stitches of your own for next season.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Lovely little project bags madly run up on her serger in the back room of Posh like Nikes in a Thai sweatshop.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Because I think I'm funny.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): It was Sandi's first hockey game ever, so Annie wanted to be sure she didn't miss the skate-around or the gobo-infused introductions. Annie's from North Dakota, so she knows how important the whole hockey *experience* is for a virgin hockey watcher.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Note Sarah, in true Genius fashion, sporting the Koolhaas hat from the Interweave Holiday Issue. I'm beginning to think a good reason to knit stuff for myself would be so I have something handknit to show off at knitting events. Or so I can suck up to the Interweave crew by wearing something from their publications.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): First FUZZY crack... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *sniff* Sometimes I crack me up.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Knittered?

§§FOOTNOTE (tempest-toss'd): He didn't know he was asking after my Lizard Ridge, per se... he just asked what I was knitting, made some appropriately non-commital appreciative noise and exhibited extra interest by grasping the concept that I would be sewing the strip together with other strips to make a blanket.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (gone clubbing!): Or brother. Or sister-in-law. I'm old and feeble and don't necessarily remember the details, but I KNOW Brendan has family at Interweave somehow.

##FOOTNOTE (pounding like a tequila hangover): Hand-in-the-cookie-jar naughty, not rug-burns-from-the-stairs naughty.

SupaStar!

TTHFCIF

So yesterday I was on TiVi. Local TiVi. Live and never-to-be-seen-again TiVi, but I was on TiVi.

Knitting.

With Sandi Wiseheart.

Yeah, that Sandi Wiseheart. Despite her demure, wholesome look on Knitting Daily, she can rock a glam lipstick and I suspect† worries she'll say "fuck" at an inappropriate moment.‡

You know -- my kind of girl.

[SUMMARY: Sandi Wiseheart is my new best friend!]§

This is all part of the Sticks 'n' Stitches¶ thing with the Colorado Avalanche.

See, back in August or so,# I emailed Interweave to see if they were doing it again this year. The lovely and talented Annie†† got back with me right away. I happily volunteered to help, an act that has garnered me my own personal Avalanche representative (Hi, Brendan!) and TiVi stardom.

[SUMMARY: I have no problem dropping names. Or pretending to be a TiVi star.]

Y'all *know* that when they said, "Anybody want to be on TiVi?" I was all over that. I hate having my picture taken, but I love being on video. Go figure. I guess my inner movie star just clamours to get out.

[SUMMARY: I have an inner movie star.%]

Annie sat in the "living room" with Mark, the host, and conducted an absolutely poised and charming interview,^ while Sandi, Mya and I knit in the "kitchen" in cut-away shots.

I didn't have a speaking part, but tried to convey a lot of emotion and back-story through my knitting. Also, I'm pretty sure I didn't pick my nose once, even though I never had any idea when the camera was on me.

When I got back to the office,‡‡ I had an email from Sylvia (purveyor of Fuzzy Crack) saying she saw me and my hair looked good.

We all know that's what's important.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Mostly because her pre-camera mantra included, "I do not cuss like a sailor... I do not cuss like a sailor..."

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Like on live TiVi.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Remember the old "my new best friend" schtick? Good times, good times.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Like Stitch 'n' Pitch, but with hockey.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Right after Stitch 'n' Pitch. I may be impatient, but as we all learned yesterday, that impatience will eventually benefit someone else with an equal and opposite patience.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): The TiVi face of Interweave yesterday and a star in the Knitting Daily galleries. She's adorable. The picture doesn't do her justice. And she's my new best friend!

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Her name is Tina. She only does the most tasteful of nude scenes these days, but has a deep, secret past as a soft-core porn star. Despite the rumours, she hasn't had any work done.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Despite, y'know, the pre-interview jitters.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Nothing makes the work day go faster than to take an hour-and-a-half off in the middle.