Secret Pal 12 Question 9

In many communities, "the fair"† is a great place to visit and spend time with your family. It's also where many have entered one product or another (jams, cakes, even knitting)...

Have you ever entered your knitting (or anything else) in the fair?Would you ever consider it?

The first question is easy: no. I've never even been to a fair -- not the kind that has pie-baking contests and knitting displays, in any case.

The second question begs a little explanation and a tiny story.^

See, there's no Denver County Fair.@ There is a Colorado State Fair, but it's all the way the hell in Pueblo‡ and I've never found a compelling reason to go to it. My extremely limited understanding of the Colorado State Fair revolves around two things:

1. It's all about livestock and D-list musical acts% and, while I like looking at livestock, I don't want to drive 120 miles to Pueblo to do it, and
2. I once kuyped the cow from Colorado State Fair advertising to make Brother a fantasy baseball logo.§

Honestly? I read Stacey's account of entering her Lizard Ridge¶ in the North Carolina State Fair last year and my interest was piqued.

North Carolina has its Fair in a very reasonable October.+ Colorado's is in August.# So when I checked into it in October, prompted by Stacey's adventure, there was very little information. It was all gone until next year. Um... this year.

This question wound me up again, so I did a little research†† and found... there's still very little information.‡‡

So I emailed Debbie at the Colorado State Fair. If I find anything interesting,§§ I'll pass it on. As it stands, I'm sure it's too late to do anything for this year, as the Fair starts August 22.¶¶

Shame. It woulda gotten me out of the city for the DNC.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): [sic] The superfluous quotes are making my teeth itch. I don't want you to think I chose them.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): You can check. I'll wait here.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): There's *always* a story, isn't there?

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): 120 miles. And I'd have to get past the temptation of all those fossils and scenic byways, knowing it was hot, dusty, small-town Pueblo at the end of the trip.




%FOOTNOTE (percented): I freely admit this may be completely off-base. Though a quick glance at the concert package for this year's Fair tells us I may be closer than my ignorance should allow.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): All his fantasy teams are Cult of the World, COW for short. The Cult of the World cheer is, of course, "Moo." Also? This year's logo? No cow. Thus:




In case you were wondering, my fantasy team is the Beasts of Burden, or BOB for short. The BOB mascot is Donkey. The BOB cheer is the Outkast song, "B.O.B." BOB likes long walks on the beach, boys with a sense of humour, vodka and kittens. You're welcome.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Did I mention I'm going to finish my flippin' Lizard Ridge this month? I've entered the WIP Wrestling event in the Ravelympics. Yes, I am that dork. Of course, if it's anything like Greco-Roman wrestling, I get to grapple with sweaty menz. Dontcha wish your dorkness was hot like mine?

+FOOTNOTE (plussed): Just sayin'.




#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Just sayin' again.




††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): We're all about accuracy here at the Rickety Blog.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Question: In this day and age, why wouldn't you post everything you have on your website? Why have information available only by booklet and only by emailing someone? OK, end rant.

§§FOOTNOTE (tilt-a-whirl!): Like it's all knitting or there's no knitting and we need to stage a protest.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (are those alpacas at the Fair?): And even if I got a wild yarn up my ass, y'know... Ravelympics.

All New! All Fibre!

Knitting. Ah, there is knitting to be had. Knitting to be bad.†

First, I was taken out rather unceremoniously‡ in Hat Attack. At least I reached my stated goal not to go out in the first round.




This is the hat that killed me, gleefully knit by Ravelry's llamamama. She also sent some lovely Scharfenberger's dark dark chocolate, so that helped take the sting out. Also? Cat for Scale LURVES this hat. He nuzzles and burrows and gets this dopey look on his face. I'm pretty sure the hat is 100% wool, but he's treating it the way he treats alpaca.

[SUMMARY: Like mother, like son.]

On the other end of the fibre spectrum, I finished a birthday present for SusieQ, intrepid manager/bartender at the Coral Room. I told her I'd like to knit her a scarf. She said she wanted rainbow and she said she's allergic to wool.

Off to Michael's and the five-pound wad of crayon-coloured acrylic!

I knitted this out of Caron Simply Soft worsted, two strands held together, then used the double-stranding to sort of blend the colours. Two strands of red, then one red and one orange, then two strands of orange, then one orange and one yellow, etc.

She loves it and I have enough yarn left over to keep the nephews in stuff until they're too old for rainbows.§




[SUMMARY: You can use cheap acrylic for good or evil. I choose good.]

When I got the Noro sock yarn, I was all hype for an attempt at making Lizard Ridge socks. Of course, Lizard Ridge uses short rows, so -- of course -- it can't be knit in the round. So I knitted and knitted and knitted and no Lizard bumps were evident.




I sighed, determined maybe the colour repeats were too long or too short and frogged back to the heel, where I started knitting stockinette and simply enjoying the fading of one colour into the other.

Raise your hand if you see the problem.¶

I never switched to the other end of the ball of Noro. Like you're supposed to@ in the middle of every Lizardy pattern repeat. This is KEY in getting the Lizard Ridge to Lizard Ridge.

Ah, well. I still have the other ball of Noro sock yarn. I'll do that one right and let you know how it all goes.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of the Noro socks from a couple of weeks ago. As you can see, the colour changes are starting to catch up with each other and soon we will be able to see that the socks are not only related, but definitely from the same run of yarn.




[SUMMARY: Dork dork dork dork dork.]

Meanwhile, back at the other socks...

Don't despair, Brother. I fully intend to have last year's Father's Day present done before this Father's Day.




I have to admit to having dorked these as well. I've been blithely knitting long with the 80-stitch Arrrgyle pattern, not realising until a couple of days ago that each diamond is 40 stitches across and the whole pattern spans 80 stitches. Ah, well. I'm going to have to re-chart the skull and crossbones, but I don't think I'll frog the twenty rows of intarsia# to make it right.

Call it a modifcation to the design. Call it a deliberate one, if it's OK with you.

[SUMMARY: *ahem*]

And ANOTHER dork moment in Marin's knitting: Sylvia, Grand Purveyor of Fuzzy Crack, got the Schaefer Yarn catalog and in a moment of wool fume-induced euphoria, we decided to do a Mr. Greenjeans KAL.

What we didn't know at the time was that Schaefer only dyes in batches of ten or twelve, so if you don't order ten or twelve,†† you have to wait until someone else orders enough to make a full batch.

Two months later, I was kinda climbing the walls, dreaming of my greengreengreen yarn, stroking my size 8s in eager anticipation‡‡... and I came up with a brilliant idea: Ravelry.

Surely, a plea to the Ravelers could dig up someone dying§§ to own their own collection of Rafael¶¶ yarn.

Within a couple of hours of posting my plight, Sylvia emailed to say my yarn had showed up. Apparently, they dyed so much for TNNA or Stitches or one of those big fibre fests that they could send my yarn.




Isn't it... green?

I knit a gauge swatch and found I'm getting 5 stitches to the inch instead of the 4.5 the pattern calls for. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since I'm apparently a tight knitter, but I've never NOT gotten gauge before. And it was on my gorgeous new Colonial rosewood needles, so I didn't want to switch needle sizes, so...

I did some math. And I had already had a little heartburn over the sizing, not quite wanting the small and not quite wanting the medium. Turns out if I knit at 5 stitches per inch and knit like I'm knitting a large, it'll come out between a medium and a small,% which seems just about perfect to me.

NOTE: Keep this little story in mind. It'll turn up again in a few minutes. You might laugh.

Friday, in the Sheridan airport, I finished "Making Money," so I cast on Greenjeans and started knitting.

I find top-down raglan construction a little magical, the way the increases line up all smooth and neat...




...and, given my adventure in Maths Land, the magic of begin able to try it on before it's finished so I don't knit a whole freakin' sweater before I find out it's all wrong.

I dropped by Sylvia's on Saturday and discovered I'd done the knitting equivalent of starting in on dinner before everybody has their food. I've never been in a KAL where anybody actually AL'd. Everybody just kinda goes their own way, occasionally asking questions or sorting out pattern translation issues.

Oops.

But I'm so intrigued and so stoked I can't stop. I don't knit it a lot, not obsessively, but I've added nine or ten rows to what you see here.

Sylvia gets her yarn very soon. I'm trying to be good.

[SUMMARY: I lied in the footnotes. It doesn't just sound cool, I *am* knitting to be bad.]

Let's move from WIPs to USOs,## shall we?

Partly because I'm a notorious joiner and partly because I want to learn how to do the leaves because they might fit in with a scarf I'm half-assedly designing, I ordered the Vintage sock kit.




I truly love the way the pattern is printed on heavy paper, on half sheets††† and held with a ring. I'm tempted to go get the whole thing laminated to keep it pristine.

Next, I became enamoured of the Silk Ribbed Camisole from Vintage Knits, so I went in search of the perfect yarn to make my own.

I came up with this:




The deep, rich red -- poorly represented here -- will be edged with the mossy green. The problem? It is a completely different gauge than the yarn called for in the pattern.

For the record? The yarn called for in the pattern is discontinued. I *had* to improvise.

So I spent one night in Sheridan at the little hotel writing desk with a calculator and a notebook, revamping the pattern to (hopefully) fit the fibre.

NOTE: Keep this little story in mind. It'll turn up again in a few minutes. You might laugh.

I've never ordered from elann.com before, but I found their new collections so exciting and afordable I decided to give them a whirl to knit the monkey version of the Punk Rock Backpack‡‡‡ from Stitch 'n' Bitch for Dr. Doom's birthday.




I'm a little worried the two browns aren't different enough. I guess we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

Meanwhile, in tracking down the right yarn for Stacey for her part in the Black Valentine thingie, I ran across some Shibui sock yarn I needed. No, I didn't *want* it, I *needed* it.





Isn't it lovely and soft and beachy? It's called Pebble, but I'm going to love it and hug it and name it George.

And I FINALLY got some Black Bunny yarn. For ages, I've been visiting every time I see Carol is updating, and I always show up a little late, when there are colours I already sort of have or only laceweight left or something.

But this time, oh, this time was special. This is a bamboo/merino sock yarn and it feels as misty soft as it looks. The colour is Bamboo Shoots and it is now named George II.




I got all turned on by Eunny Jang's Ladylike Gloves and went looking for fun yarn to knit them and came across this Habu silk.




I have no idea if it will work properly, but I think it's hellacool, so I'll give it the old college try.

Last, but not least, I got this gorgeous creature at Sylvia's. It's Red Rocks Fiber Works Aspen Sock in Artichoke.

One of these^ is going to eca for *her* participation in the Black Valentine thingie.





I've been waiting for something good for the Waterfall Sock pattern I bought from Knit Spot last summer, and I think this is it.

[SUMMARY: Superconsumer! Just doing my part to boost our flagging economy! Just wait 'til the dyes come in this week!]

Now, let's chat a little about my sudden surge into the world of mathematics and knitting.

WHAT THE HELL DO I THINK I'M DOING? Do we remember who we are talking about? Little-miss-can't-count-to-four wants to re-size whole patterns? I fear a fiery, fiery crash is in the offing.

You wanna know something funny? I was invited to join a Ravelry group called Woolly Thoughts Fans, dedicated to geeky mathematical knitting pursuits (pis, Fibonaccis, etc). It's kinda like when I get penis enlargement offers and I wonder who these people have been talking to that I'm on their mailing list.

I joined, of course.§§§

And I'll let y'all know how that all goes.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): OK, not really, but I like the way it sounds.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Mostly 'cause I was in Sheridan. Y'all know if I'd gone to the mailbox last Wednesday and found a hat, there would have been... lots of words. Plenty of ceremony. Histrionics.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Ooooh... dagger through the heart! Maybe one will be gay and will never completely outgrow rainbows.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Stacey, I'm pretty sure this is the point where you call me a hot mess and I can do naught but agree.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): And by, "you," I mean, "I."

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Yeah, this picture is a couple of weeks old too. I've been thinking of you guys for weeks and setting up to give you knit-it-and-make-it-all-better.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Four. We each ordered four.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): That's what she said!

§§FOOTNOTE (wound up like a skein of sock yarn): No pun intended. OK, maybe a little.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (gophers): It was in the kids' yarn section, so I think it's probably named after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I think.

##FOOTNOTE (pounded like a dollar): UnStarted Objects.

†††FOOTNOTE (cross my blog and hope to dye): I fold all my patterns in half anyway.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (in stitches!): Hereafter ever dubbed "Monkey Pack."

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Yes, I bought two. I'd already named mine George III... how could I let it go?

§§§FOOTNOTE (a veritable jacuzzi): Don't laugh. It could happen to you.

Sex, Baby

Let's talk about it, shall we?

I mean, those who can't† do... talk.^

This is sort of a mini sexual pig-licking,‡ as I have a couple of little tidbits I've wanted to share, but not enough for a full-blown§ post of any one subject.

Let's be honest. I've been looking for an excuse to drop these in casual blog conversation, but it turns out that's not possible and I'm getting impatient.

Besides, hey, it's been awhile... for talking, I mean. Y'all are going to think I'm doing nothing but knitting and nursing my fabulous TiVi career.

[SUMMARY: Slow news day.]

First, a little trivia:

You know how a lot of sex toys (see: The Rabbit) have animals and faces and all sorts of odd sculptural elements to them? They're not just molded for your pleasure, that used to be a way to get them past customs.

When Asian countries exported such things to the US, there was a time when they had to dress them up to justify calling them art or cultural items so they wouldn't get caught in the obscenity web at US Customs and the postal service.

Why are they still that way today? I'm guessing that once you know The Rabbit, that's what you look for in a battery-driven device. You don't want to switch to, say, the Buzzbuddy 3000 with no bunny ears and cheery faces.

[SUMMARY: I said "battery-driven device."]

*************

I have two documentaries to recommend to you:

If you have HBO and On Demand, find the Katie Morgan series. Seriously. I'll wait here.

Other than that, there is a half-hour HBO documentary¶ called "Katie Morgan: Porn 101." It's funny, charming, informative, interesting... you'll even stop noticing Katie's enormous, naked breasts after a few minutes.

I love Katie Morgan. I'll probably never see one of her movies because porn bores the daylights out of me, but I love this HBO stuff.

HBO also ran "Inside Deep Throat"# which is incredibly interesting% in a historical and sociological way as well as the more prurient titillation you might get from the subject matter.

For instance, it explores the way video technology has changed the quality of pornography, as they now crank out scriptless, plotless fuck-fests as fast as they can make them whereas there used to be some nod to a storyline and production values.††

It also speaks to the obscenities charges brought up against the producers and stars, the Meese Commission and the effect those trials had on the lives of those involved, the skin industry and the nation.

You know what floored me about that? Testimony behind the Meese Report was well within my lifetime. Not just my lifetime, but my conscious news-gathering memory (1986). Yet I don't remember it,§§ nor did I really know much about it until I watched this movie.

[SUMMARY: FILM. Not movies, not flicks... FILM. Really.]

*************

So I was watching re-runs of "That 70's Show" and saw insinuation of a pop rocks blow job.

Anybody ever try this? Care to report? How 'bout that Altoids thing that went around the email circuit a couple of years ago?

[SUMMARY: Education is not all dispersal of information; you must also gather information.]

*************

Did you know there is a MUSCLE in a guy's balls?

Let me drop some science on you:

The sac around each testicle has a thin layer called the cremasteric‡‡ muscle. It acts as a sort of thermostat/insullation to keep his cojones at the right temp for sperm production. Confession: I thought the concept of a guys testicles drawing up into his body was figurative. Turns out it was literal. The cremasteric muscle pulls them up and drops them down in response to outside temperature.

Imagine. Or did you already know all this? Am I the last to know? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Also? If you tickle the inside of a guy's thighs, the muscle has a reflex response and jumps a little, which could be amusing in a penis puppet kind of way.

[SUMMARY: Ask Dr. Science...]

*************

Has anybody else seen the Viva Viagra commercial? Why is it Elvis's estate won't sell the catalog to iTunes but will allow "Viva Viagra" to be played in blatant disregard for taste and good sense?

Could Viagra really provide more income than iTunes?

[SUMMARY: In which we ask the unanswerable questions.]

*************

Now for a tiny bit of knitting, so's y'all's heads don't collectively explode.

I have bound off Lizard Ridge. I have blocked two of the four strips and will block the other two... soon. If I get a chance, I'm going to pick up some Cascade 220 for the edging and joining tonight.

You may even see pictures before the month is up.

[SUMMARY: Still a knitblog!]



†FOOTNOTE (crossed): I don't mean physically, I don't mean I don't got mad skillz... just not the same without, say, a partner. For six months. But who's counting?

^FOOTNOTE (careted): And, y'know -- excite the forces of Google since we APPARENTLY can't excite red-blooded American males in person. Not that I'm bitter. Or frustrated.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): All due respect to Marvin Gaye, not exactly like sexual healing, but you could write a song about it. Besides, how often do you suppose I'll get a chance to say "sexual pig-licking" and get away with it?

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): *snort*

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Shortest. Documentary. Ever. Speaking of short films... has anybody seen the 30-Second Bunnies Theater films? I wouldn't recommend watching them en ouevre, as the novelty wears off in... oh, about 30 seconds, but funny when you run across them out in the wild.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): *gigglesnort*

%FOOTNOTE (percented): As opposed to the simple "interesting" from the paragraph above.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): And you find out that Linda Lovelace lived in one of the beige neighbourhoods in suburban Denver before her death in a car accident (also in Denver) in 2002. This may be more interesting to me than to you.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Is it just me or does that word seem dirty?

§§FOOTNOTE (jacuzzi jets!): Which may be because that was early in my college career and I was paying more attention to boys, booze and music than actual news.

Weekend Between the Pipes

For those of you not hockey-literate, that has nothing to do with the crack y'all might assume I've been smoking, lo, these past 10 months.†

Genius Sarah and I toddled over to the Pepsi Center early to "help set up." I use quotes because Annie and Sandi were really on top of it and didn't so much *need* us. But it did give us an opportunity to insist the security people at the Pepsi Center call all over the arena on their radios to get us clearance.‡

[SUMMARY: Wreaking havoc wherever I go...]

Sylvia sent a load of fuzzy crack and some fantastic prizes§ along, so we lugged those up to the Interweave Sticks 'n' Stitches% table at Section 317.

Mostly we just stood around for awhile, jawing and shifting from foot to foot. Sandi was hungry, so we went in search of our complimentary hot dogs at Section 354. "Why 354?" you might ask, when there were stands so much closer to the table at 317 and our actual seating in Section 312.

I'm guessing because you had to pass a lot of mini bars on the way and they hoped knitters wouldn't be able to pass up the chance to belly up to the bar. As I liked to say when subsequent knitters asked where it was,¶ "Go past the beer stand, two Tuaca bars and the margarita bar and it's on your left."

[SUMMARY: You know more about Pepsi Center concessions than you ever needed to know.]

Sandi, my new best friend, managed to escape my camera,^ but I snapped this lovely shot of my new best friend, Annie, and Sarah# just before the floodgates opened.




Knitters started showing up in small droves, perusing the available goodies and walking away with new stash. And magazines. And patterns. And project bags. And Posh coupons.

Annie told us when we got there to grab what we wanted and I thought, "Well, I'll just wait and see if there's anything left that speaks to me. Let the other knitters have first crack."††

This would be knitters. Taking first crack.



Sarah and I manned‡‡ the table between the second and third periods, just in case there were additional donations to Warm Up America and it looked like locusts had descended upon the table. There were a few magazines and random patterns left, but the knitters had done a pretty good job of denuding the crops.

Which is OK. I don't need any more yarn.

[SUMMARY: Need is such a confining word.]

Hockey knitters at work and play



I also got to meet my new best friend, Brendan, my rock star contact at the Colorado Avalanche. Isn't he cute? He even asked after my Lizard Ridge.§§ Apparently, Brendan's brother-in-law¶¶ works at Interweave. Maybe in accounting.

[SUMMARY: Six Degrees of Interweave Press.]




Now, this one I'm sharing, despite its god-awful camera shake because it made me laugh. More than once.




I caught Genius Sarah in a yawn, but doesn't it look like she's harmonising with the guy behind her and the chick down front? And I love the look on the face of the girl in the lower right corner. Like she was caught doing something naughty.##

[SUMMARY: Everything's naughty with the wrong mindset.]

TiVi STAR UPDATE: eBeth, the SIL, caught my SupaStar appearance on the TiVi at the gym. For those of you not following along in the comments, she first recognised me by my HANDS. Which shows a dedication to the cause I find admirable.

Also? I can't help but wonder if I went to the gym more if it might not have been bigger publicity for me. Y'know... like people would look up and say, "Hey! Isn't that the chick who's on the treadmill every day? I spotted her on the free weights last week! Ooooh! Brush with greatness!"

[SUMMARY: I may have to revisit the New Year's Resolution thing to include going to the gym more simply for recognition factor.]

Happy Monday, y'all. It's going to be a long, long week -- the first time some of us have to work five full days in AGES.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): It refers to the goal... the area between the pipes that make up the frame on the net in hockey. Let it never be said I'm not wildly educational.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): They don't let people in more than one hour before the game (we were there at 5:30 for a 7:00 drop), but you see, we weren't just PEOPLE. We were VOLUNTEERS.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I know the Columbus Blue Jackets are also hosting a Sticks 'n' Stitches, for those of my peeps in the Greater Columbus Metro Area. There may be others -- check with your local teams. If your local teams aren't on board, maybe you should look into Sticks 'n' Stitches of your own for next season.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Lovely little project bags madly run up on her serger in the back room of Posh like Nikes in a Thai sweatshop.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Because I think I'm funny.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): It was Sandi's first hockey game ever, so Annie wanted to be sure she didn't miss the skate-around or the gobo-infused introductions. Annie's from North Dakota, so she knows how important the whole hockey *experience* is for a virgin hockey watcher.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Note Sarah, in true Genius fashion, sporting the Koolhaas hat from the Interweave Holiday Issue. I'm beginning to think a good reason to knit stuff for myself would be so I have something handknit to show off at knitting events. Or so I can suck up to the Interweave crew by wearing something from their publications.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): First FUZZY crack... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *sniff* Sometimes I crack me up.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Knittered?

§§FOOTNOTE (tempest-toss'd): He didn't know he was asking after my Lizard Ridge, per se... he just asked what I was knitting, made some appropriately non-commital appreciative noise and exhibited extra interest by grasping the concept that I would be sewing the strip together with other strips to make a blanket.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (gone clubbing!): Or brother. Or sister-in-law. I'm old and feeble and don't necessarily remember the details, but I KNOW Brendan has family at Interweave somehow.

##FOOTNOTE (pounding like a tequila hangover): Hand-in-the-cookie-jar naughty, not rug-burns-from-the-stairs naughty.

Things I Learned in 2007

• It's not "rock seals and planes," it's "rocks, hills and plains."
• Page views go up every time Tommy makes an appearance.
• Never knit a baby blanket in linen stitch.
• Expired license plates are serious business.
• Estrogen is my friend. Sometimes friends abandon.
• Judy's Magic Cast On is... magic.
• Smile for the camera.
• Life is too short for bad friends, bad yarn or bad wine. Bad boys are another issue entirely.
• There is a fine-line difference between rap and hip hop, but I have to be in a room with you to explain it to you because there are hand gestures.
• You can never have too many T-pins.
• There is a Law of Conservation of Patience in my realm: patience can neither be created nor destroyed, only transferred. Thus, all the patience I may have exhibited in teaching Brother and Father to knit was eventually counter-balanced by an irrational blow-up at a customer service agent.
• No matter how much I pare back the nephews' gift list, I always end up getting them too much.
• Champagne can be a harsh mistress.
• Nothing bad ever happens to clean people (OK, I've known this one for years, thanks to my friend who works for DPD, but it bears repeating).
• Cars are cuter when they're clean.
• No matter how much you pay for kitty toys, they always play with the boxes. Figuratively speaking.

Taking the Time

No, seriously. That's what Lizard Ridge is doing to for me: taking my time.

I still love it. It's still utterly fascinating to watch the colours mix and blend and emerge from each other.†

I still get a little tingle of pride every time I successfully count to eight.‡

[SUMMARY: Lizard Ridge: helping knitters help themselves.]

Blocking kinda sucks,§ though it's magic, so worth the suckitude.

Blocking wires, which I thought would be a miracle cure for all my blocking woes, still require an assload of T pins. Fortunately, I am now the proud owner of an assload of T pins.

The cat wants to eat my entire assload of T pins, so a certain amount of camouflage¶ is needed.

[SUMMARY: There's a reason Brother calls him "dummy."]

ETA: I have finished three out of four strips, and 4.125 out of six blocks on the last strip. For those of you looking for statistics, that's 92.1875%* done. Close... so close.




I have for you a Ravelry love story, in the key of small world.%

On the Downtown Denver Stitch 'n' Bitch group, I "met" Angelique, who, having read I live mere blocks from Posh, a Yarn Boutique,^ said, "You must live pretty close to me. I live in the old Elitch's."

"Why... I live in the old Elitch's! You should come to Drunk Knitting night on Tuesday!"

And she did. So I met her without quotation marks.

We also found she's met my cousin, Tani, as they were the first two to move into their phase of the row homes as the little development was being built.

She's very funny and bright and didn't seem at all put out with the raucous and irreverent nature of our little clan.

Plus, she's a roadie for bands, so it really helps my Six Degrees of Separation quotient.

[SUMMARY: I'm coming for you, Kevin Bacon.]

In other news, I have entered# the Dolores Look-Alike Contest over at The Panopticon. Hey, there's ELEVEN skeins of Lorna's Laces, some Blue Bunny and Rabbitch fibres and all that glory and prestige on the line.

Besides, being a hopelessly straight girl, the closest I may ever come to the nervy, nauseating elation of coming out to one's family was answering -- when asked what happened to my hair -- "Dad, I just need to look as much like a cartoon sheep as possible."

Ah, if only Dad could see me in my faux sheepskin robe,†† lipstick-encrusted martini glass in hand, weaving the mesmerising Dolores fairy tale of Henry Kissinger backstage at the Met.

[SUMMARY: Welcome to my world. You may want to hold your breath and close your eyes.]

Never have so many chins given so much to a single cause.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): And I'd probably be done right now if I didn't spend a half-hour every single night tripping on all the pretty colours.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): That's four... times TWO!

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Nearly two hours for the first strip, and it was totally wonky and had to be redone. Mostly because that was before I discovered the Assload of T Pins Solution. Patent pending.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I threw a sheet over it. Hey, when your brain's the size of a walnut, camouflage is kinda relative.

*FOOTNOTE (asterisked): Oh, yes I did. That's 1/8 (.125) of a block plus four blocks out of six blocks out of 1/4 of the whole... let's see... ought plus ought, carry the ought... yep. 92.1875%. Not bad for someone who can't count to four, can I get a whut-whut!

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Not the Disney ride. Some people are scared of clowns (see yesterday's post). I find the insipid cultural diversity kids creepy.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): a/k/a Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): I had to break off right there to go actually send the picture so's I wouldn't be lying. Truth in journalism and all that.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): With leopard-print lapels!

Nizards to the Left of You...

Nizards to the right.
Nizards gonna gets you,
Cuz nizards likes to fight.
-from the Lobotomy Club Hymal†

Look! Camera and computer, together again!

Which is nice 'cause then I get credit for a thousand words per picture‡ and it's like I baked it all from scratch.

First, I have for you pictures of a vast raft of rampant consumerism. OK, you've seen worse.§ You've seen worse from me. But it's basically stuff I bought that came in the mail.

And first among mass consumerism is something I didn't actually buy, but in fact WON, which makes at least ten times cooler than if I'd bought it.¶ It's a SplitYarn case from Caro Sheridan, my reward for carrying the I'm a Square Rhinebeck Bingo bag all over the Dutchess County Fairgrounds.

I do have one a lot like this, only a slightly different size and red and pink. I love these colours.



[SUMMARY: I'm a winner!]

I also got my limited edition Ravelry shirt# and my limited edition Skull-a-Day shirt.††




Note the ongoing "limited edition" theme.

[SUMMARY: Sucker!]

I also got my Moo cards, which I dearly love. See, I have business cards, but there are some situations‡‡ under which I don't want to give my address or even my last name to someone.

I'm making this sound all logical and stuff, but really they're just cuter than Disney.




All of them have my phone number and email addy on the back, and most of them just say "Marin" on the front. If you look closely, though, you may be able to see such provocative covers as "don't lose this number," "for a good time," and the wildly saucy "you + me?"

Oh, yes... so practical.

[SUMMARY: Justifi-CA-tion!]

The Moo people got me for life, though, with this receipt:



And now, fellow fibre freeks, the Lizard Ridge update that prompted the ritual singing of the Nizard song at the top of this post:

7 & 8

9 & 10

11 & 12

Huh. Where did my pretty picture of Strip 2 go? Would y'all check under the bed and behind the fridge and let me know if you see it?

Anyway...

Strip 3


13 & 14 & 15

16 & 16.5

[SUMMARY: Pretty Nizard... and I'm sure there's a Chameleon joke in here somewhere too, for those of you playing along in the comments.]

For your knitting entertainment, Brother joined us at Drunken Knitting night. The emotions ranged from

to

If you think those are disturbing, you should see the look I got right after the flash went off.

[SUMMARY: He can't hit a girl.]

And they were hanging Christmas lights downtown. Christmas light-hanging guys don't use cranes, but they do have colourful ladders.

And apparently some of them are hams.§§

[SUMMARY: And the gods bless us, everyone!]

Leaving to take Dad to the eye doctor. He promised to feed me, so I gotta do it.¶¶

†FOOTNOTE (crossed): That's not a misspelling. Not anymore.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Let's see... nineteen pictures at one thousand words per picture... ought plus ought, carry the ought... ow! my brain! three... four... many... an assload...

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Oh, American guilt.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): The fact that I actually have purchased one of Caro's cases at Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack should in no way influence the cool factor of also having won one.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Where My Stitches At?

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door.

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted - nevermore!

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Mostly involving alcohol or dim lighting.

§§FOOTNOTE (two hurricanes fighting under a blanket): Note the guy in the navy blue sweatshirt taking a break from untangling strings of lights to get his picture took.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (three wood, five wood?): No, seriously, I would have taken him anyway. In fact, the appointment was originally at 8:00 in the morning and there was no lunch involved. I'm just a good daughter. But he's still going to feed me.