"How nice," you may be thinking right about now.
Step back, funk soul brother;$ it *came* that way.
She sent me an EMPTY CHOCOLATE BOX.‡
For the record, my father and the Wicked Stepmother recently went on a two-week Hawaiian cruise.
I had dinner with Dad upon their return, and he told me Peach got me a present, but she drank it before she got home.
Yeah, she thinks she's as funny as I think I am.§
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Henceforth to be knows as The Wicked Stepmother. You'll understand here in a second.
ETA: $FOOTNOTE (dollared): Now I can't get that song out of my head. I earwormed myself.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): And when the Brothers Grimm write about my life, you'll be my witnesses.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Apparently it runs in the family... and we're not even blood. For those of you scoring at home, there was actually a bag of Godiva Gems waiting in the back seat of the car. Y'know... don't cry for me, Valentina.
12 comments:
I have got SO many ideas for revenge gifts right now...
Pass 'em on, friend - I told Dad this was only going to escalate and I need GOOD ammo.
Okay. You are the only person I know who could make something this infuriating this funny.
First: does she read this blog? We don't want to blow the vicious surprise.
Thank you, Kim. If the Godiva hadn't been forthcoming, I don't know if I could have overcome the disappointment coma.
No, Jeffe, we're safe here. Give it your best worst.
Don't feel so bad. The inside of the box looks like a toxic waste symbol. Those candies weren't that great, I'm guessing.
My first thought was that it looked like a nuclear warning sign in a Valentine's box. So sorry that WSM is so toxic.
I fear I put out the wrong vibe: the WSM isn't that bad. It's all in a joking spirit. I appreciate all your support, but it really is supposed to be funny.
Plus, I don't want to feel mean when I give her the empty Tiffany box for her birthday.
Sooo slow on the uptake. That's me. By the way, I have a number of attractive empty boxes for a variety of products should you need one in the future.
Love the Tiffany concept!
Other ideas, depending on how cruel you wish to be:
Mother's Day. Opportunity for major bait and switch. Very sweet picture frame "To Mom" where you add in STEP with appropriately doctored photo.
Easter: Cadbury eggs, the clever giver could drain the eggs of delicious cream. Or, with a delicate touch, the Cadbury foil could be rewrapped around an empty plastic shell. Many candy opps like this.
St. Patricks Day? Bottle of Jamesons, replaced with colored water.
Sometimes, Jo, I outthink myself and get too subtle. I wouldn't take that on yourself.
I really, really like the plastic egg wrapped in a Cadbury foil. I could put a slip of paper inside, like some sadistic fortune cookie, that says, "Wicked Stepmothers always get their comeuppance." - the Brothers Grimm.
heeheeheeheehee
Love the sadistic fortune!
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