Morbid Much?

Last in the series (we hope).

UPDATE: Yes, you can put specifics in a codicil (an adjunct letter of wishes for your estate) and keep the stash out of the valuation process. Now we're back to "Why was there no codicil to Mom's will giving me the cookie cutters?" I mean, I got them and all -- nobody was going to argue with 30 years of family lore -- but I would have framed that sucker and hung it in the kitchen.

Turns out I'm not the only one worried about the disposition of things muggles don't understand. While I was pondering the ramifications of single cat ownership vs. dying in a freak stair-climbing accident and the distribution of stash thereafter, Carol over at Knit-and-Run was contemplating the disposition of her blog and all her imaginary friends.†

I'm seriously considering having my brother's friend Jason work me up a website. You know, a real, pretty, antim.com sort of place.‡ When I do, he'll probably have the enviable task of giving my brother access to the inner sanctum of my blogworks should the need ever arise.

You will not be left unattended.

[SUMMARY: Death: the hardest job you'll never love.]

Meanwhile, there is one more estate-planning issue on which I think we need to touch.

Red knows that the second she hears of my untimely demise, her first responsibility is to race to my house and clean out the TOP DRAWER IN THE BEDSIDE STAND CLOSEST TO THE WINDOW. There is stuff my dad or aunts don't need to clean up. They don't even need to see that stuff. They'll be much happier not even knowing that stuff exists.

I urge you: get a porn buddy*/sex toy buddy/beanie baby§ buddy to Disneyfy¶ your environs before your stuffier relatives get their hands on your effects. I think you get bonus points in heaven for your thoughtfulness. Or, you know, you'll be setting up a friend to join you in hell, if you believe in that sort of thing.

[SUMMARY: How on earth do people commit suicide? There's a LOT of stuff to do before you die.]

Oh... and Red? You might check the little upper-left drawer in the dresser. If I have any sassy lingerie,# that's where it will be.

For your services, you not only get all the alpaca, you can have my vast needle collection too.$


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Really, I wasn't just thinking of myself and cat-eating-face implications and where-will-my-fibre go implications. I *was too* thinking of y'all. I just hadn't arrived at that part in the series yet. *ahem*

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Not that I need one. Oh, no. Mostly I covet.

*FOOTNOTE (asterisked -- don't hate me because I'm conventional): See: Coupling

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): 'Cause, y'know, if you have beanie babies, you may not want that to get out.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Like they did to Times Square. And Vegas. Sugar, sugar... white, clean and neat.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): No, I don't have any right now. Just the matching bra-and-panties thing, on which the jury is still out as to its efficacy with the stubblier sex.

$FOOTNOTE (moneyed): It'd be nice if you'd share with eca.