Tuesday, March 10, 2009

White House, Black Bunny

There we were, Dad and I, sitting in his office chatting.

The conversation got to, "Peach asked me what I do when I'm in here by myself."

A thousand dirty quips bubbled up in my filthy little mind. I finally settled on, "Tell her you pick your nose, surf for porn, trim your ear hair..."

He chuckled, then said, "Do you know she actually asked me that?"

"The nose-picking thing?"§

"No. She asked if I searched for porn on the Internet. I told her, 'of course not,' and she said, 'Really? I thought all men did that,' but I said, 'I don't.'"

I chuckled, then said, "Sometimes you get porn even when you're not searching for it. I went to white house dot com once. Porn site."

Horrified look. "Really!?"

"Yep. The actual White House is white house dot gov, as it's a governmental site. White house dot com is porn. Also?"


"Black bunny dot com is a porn site. I am a consumer of Black Bunny Fibres and I typed in black bunny dot com one day and it's a porn site. I was at work. I had to clean out my history so they wouldn't think I was surfing for porn at lunch."#

Then he told me how boring porn is, I agreed and added strip clubs to that list.

He told me about going to a topless Mexican restaurant in Oklahoma City for a business lunch when he first started in the oil business.

I told him about the time I accidentally tipped a stripper a twenty instead of a one.

We both stared at the ceiling a moment.

"Strange topic of conversation," Dad said.

I said,†† "'What'd you do last night, Marin?' 'Oh, I had soup and salad with Dad, then we went for ice cream and talked about porn.'"

Just a little window on my life.‡‡


Seraphim - Ormonde Jayne (parfum? extrait?)

Marin says: The bit from Perfume Shrine (below) went on to make it about the luxury industry -- among other things -- and didn't touch so much on the fragrance itself. Which actually makes sense. I don't know if there's a better one-word description for Seraphim than "elusive."

The bergamot is a bright, lemony thing, but not overpowering and, unlike many citrus notes, doesn't flash and disappear. The rose adds a sort of aldehyde to the mix, but a restrained aldehyde that dances with the whole rather than clobbering it into sharp, powdery submission.

And the ylang ylang.

I always thought I hated ylang ylang because I've purchased a couple of bath products with ylang ylang% and it has an oily, dirty smell -- it reminds me of the Rabbit Path§§ we used to walk to school in the late summer when some sort of grass was drying and acrid. This I recognise for it's sort of petroleum tang, but that's barely there. As in any good fragrance composition, the notes support each other and sing together like a symphony. The ylang ylang complements the bergamot and makes the rose behave.

Then a dry-sweet woody thing creeps in... then musk -- not soapy and overwhelming -- and vanilla, very light, a touch of round and warm... and slightly dusty sweet coumarin... but I make it seem too linear. It is the most incredible tangle and flow of notes, all sweet and warm and bright like the perfume's namesake.

There are moments it's lemony kerosene¶¶ and others where it's rosey hay. Still others bring sweet, sun-warmed wood. As long as this review is already, I've barely begun to capture the ins and outs of Seraphim. Some perfumes I love for their education and for the fact that they unfold. Some I love just because they smell good to me. This I love for both.

Unfortunately, this was an extremely limited collectible edition## created for 20ltd by Linda Pilkington, the general genius behind Ormonde Jayne.

Fortunately, I have friends in high places, one high enough to have gained a bottle of this gorgeous stuff and bestow a wee vial on me.

Perfume Shrine says: ...surely such an elusive fragrance should have something important to say instead of putting question-marks all over the place.†††

Head notes‡‡‡: (Fresh flowery notes) Bergamot, Rosewood, Ylang Ylang
Heart notes:(Powdery) Rose, Violets, Iris
Soul notes: (Sensual) Musk, Amber, Madagascan Vanilla, Coumarin

Hans says: It smells a lot like something I've already smelled. But I'm having a bad nose day.@ Lemon. I get lemon scent. Lemon tone. A lemon finish. And that thing that's in a lot of perfumes... formaldehyde?§§§ Oh, yeah... aldehyde. Lemon finish. I get lemon lime vodka slurpee.¶¶¶

FOOTNOTE (crossed): His office is the only room used on the third floor of his fiancée's enormous house.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Said fiancée. Her actual name is Patricia, same as Mom's, so we don't call her that. You understand.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Because I think I'm funny.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): He really doesn't. Dad is genuinely puzzled by the whole fad.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): We both agreed if such a thing ever happened, it would be easy to blame it on my boss because he's good friends with the Senior VP here at my client's office and said VP would completely believe me if I told him I was only clicking through a link my boss sent me.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I did different voices for me and Hypothetical Co-Worker.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): You're welcome.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Because they're always labeled as "sensual" or "passionate" or some other version of "you're going to get laid tonight." I may be gullible, but even in the tub I'm doing my part in bringing sexy back.

§§FOOTNOTE (the waft): Doesn't that sound all Little House on the Prairie? The path is still there, but the field is mostly office buildings now.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (the notes): Not that I'm suggesting angels smell like kerosene. Any good saint-in-training knows angels smell like chocolate chip cookies.

##FOOTNOTE (the pounding of my heart): This is my way of saying, "You can't have none. Nyah-nyah-nyah."

†††FOOTNOTE (oh, hey -- that's Lent appropriate): Rabbit hole! I got it! It's like the olfactory equivalent of Alice following the rabbit down the hole! I almost didn't catch that elusive allusion.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (and that's train tracks): I was looking right at the notes as I wrote this, so I can't take credit for knowing what I'm talking about.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): Hans has a cold. Also, the most remarkable hat hair I've ever seen.

§§§FOOTNOTE (this is Hans's brain on NyQuil): I'm giving him credit for getting that close.

¶¶¶FOOTNOTE (march of the Seraphim): He's kind of joking. I was telling him about my one drinking adventure in high school. Not that I only drank once in high school, but this was actually IN high school. In the building. A friend got me a lime Slurpee with a slug of vodka which I drank during lunch. I didn't finish it -- it was a big Slurpee -- so I took it to Latin with me. I was incredibly fluent in Latin that day.

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