Friday, June 5, 2009

The Key to My Heart.. My Car...

...and one useless post box.


Surely you didn't think I was kidding when I said I was going to talk about my keys today.

These are them§:

Over on the left are the electronic swipey keys to the office, along with the key that opens the stairwell doors if I decide to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

Then there's the carabiner that holds it all together.

That brass key on the right is the post box key.

Of course, there's the magical key that affords me access to the Cutest Little Car in the Whole Wide World.#

And Vlad.†† Vlad is a Kamibashi string doll that protects me from harm when I'm out past my bedtime.‡‡ And the real reason behind this blogpost.%

[SUMMARY: Blame it on the vampire.]

A month or so ago, I was making small talk with The Peach after my weekly dinner with Dad, and she noticed Vlad and asked about him.§§

I explained his function, and that Brother gave him to me a couple of years ago in my Christmas stocking. I also mentioned that I was kinda hoping that he'd protect me from work, as represented by the electronic swipey keys.

"Just a minute," said The Peach, disappearing up the stairs.

She came back in a moment with a small box containing what looked like stitch markers.¶¶

"Pick one. They're evil eyes I got in Turkey. They're for warding off evil. I think it would go very nicely on your keychain."

[SUMMARY: If one superstition is good, two superstitions is twice as nice.]

So I did. And I'm waiting for the day the evil eye goes after the vampire, who goes after the swipey keys and the whole thing combusts in my purse in a cloud of string and plastic.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Let us not speak of it.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): And don't call me Shirley.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Grammatically untenable, I know, but I like the way it sounds.


#FOOTNOTE (pounded): But does not allow me access to the office, as tested earlier this week.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Vlad didn't used to look like a homeless vampire dancing a grapevine, perhaps to someplace where he could wash the grime off his face.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Vlad does NOT sparkle.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I've wanted to tell the story of how my keychains will explode my purse some day ever since this incident. Once again, I am *that* dork.

§§FOOTNOTE (the talk turned odd): Vlad is actually quite a conversation piece. I'm starting to wonder if he's become remarkably odd looking and I just don't see it because I'm used to his decrepitude.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (those could be stitch markers, if you squint): All roads lead to knitting. Some take the scenic route.

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