Designer Death Match

My favourite cradle of aesthetics, Yatzer, is having a Composition Fight between two rugs.

What do you think?

While I like the linear quality and Asian look the letters give the bottom rug, and the stronger black seems more dramatic, the top rug has skull'n'crossboneses.† And probably a pig.

Pigs and skulls win every time.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Plurals of plurals are the bane of my existence.

To Lick or Not to Lick...

...that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the teat to suffer
The flings and nuzzles of outrageous insemination,
Or to take to trotters against a sea of fondles,
And by opposing, end them.

You thought I was kidding about pig sex, didn't you?†

----- Original Message -----

From: Kim
To: Marin
Sent: Monday, May 11, 2009 4:01:11 PM
Subject: Thought of You‡

So, I'm reading Bonk, right? And I'm on the chapter about artificial insemination of pigs, right? (I'll save the discussion of "uterine upsuck" for another time.) And appears this paragraph:

[A] training video . . . includes a shot of a[n] inseminator lying on a sow, his chest pressed against back. With one hand, he reaches down beneath her to rub her mammaries and squeeze her teats. One of the less prominently known similarities between pigs and men: They both fondle breasts. No other animals on the planet do this.

Do with this what you will. No information is good or bad on its own; it's how we use it that makes the difference.

Kim


Ears... bleeding

Nose... glowing

Head... exploding

Like a geek in an Apple store,§ I don't know where to begin.

Do I go with the "men are pigs" angle? Do I go topical with a swine flu thing? Then there's the whole "lick the pig" schtick... surely I'd be remiss if I didn't give a nod to licking the pig. And don't get me started on why we haven't yet discussed "uterine upsuck".¶ Or how badly I need a copy of "Bonk."

So let me simply leave you with this thought:

Similarities between men# and pigs continue to pile up.†† Is it a conspiracy of the vast pork products industry that the clear fact that people are descended from pigs rather than chimpanzees has been buried for so long?

[SUMMARY: All my science comes from Mythbusters.]

Ay, there's the rub.‡‡


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): I'm giving myself more credit for grace than I deserve. I'm sure when you read there was going to be pig sex in a later post, you yawned and got yourself another cup of coffee.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Kim and I could probably publish a book filled with our "Thought of You" emails. We think a lot of each other.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): "Kid in a candy store," too hackneyed. "Pardoned prisoner in a whorehouse," too on point.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Which, as Dave Barry says, would be an excellent name for a rock band.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And here I mean "mankind."

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Pigs are said to be clean and intelligent and solicitous of their young, but more importantly people apparently taste a lot like pork -- long pig : people :: veal : baby cows -- and any time the Mythbusters need a human body analog, they use a pig carcass.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): You can't imagine how impressed I am with my own use of Shakespeare today.

Sometime You Lick the Pig, Sometimes the Pig Licks You

TTHFCIF




I think this is a really good way to start a Friday.

OK, OK

You caught me.




I'm actually a spork-wielding pig-licker.

With wings.

A Pig You Can Knit

I am NOT making this up.

These even look like fluffy,white sheep.

Does anybody else wonder what sort of interspecies hanky-panky is going on in Hungarian barnyards?

Yes

Photo courtesy AFI†


Batman and‡ Wonder Pig.§

I've asked the nephews to keep an eye out at Target.¶


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): I didn't know Action Figures Insider existed until I found Batman and Wonder Pig elsewhere. Ya gotta believe me.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Pig leash not included.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Apparently, Wonder Woman was turned into a pig through (I'm guessing) some sort of pissed off demigoddess Circe confrontation.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Exclusive home of Justice League Unlimited action figures. I only know that because AFI told me so. Ya gotta believe me.

This is My Pig Nose

A funny perfume story: I've learned not to use my right wrist when reviewing perfumes.

All day, it sits on my glow-in-the-dark pig rest,† and the pig rest has taken on all my perfumes. So my right wrist smells entirely different from my left wrist, and not at all like the perfume I put on that morning.

[SUMMARY: I'm making my own perfume.]

A funny knitting story: I've only knit one sweater before‡ and it was top-down and seamless, so the Vampirates sweater with set-in sleeves is new territory.

This was never more obvious than when I knit up the first sleeve and tried to figure out how it would fit into the armhole and realised§ I hadn't knit the shoulder cap.

I had to un-bindoff and finish the thing properly.

[SUMMARY: When dorks knit sweaters.]

A funny book story: I came back from the bathroom¶ at 4:00 this morning to find Cat for Scale lovingly licking the edges of the pages of the second Vampirate book. I wash my hands before I read it,# so I don't think there's residual food anywhere.

Weird little cat.

[SUMMARY: Weird little household.]

I believe that covers that covers all the major hobbies. Except drinking.††

We're clear for the day -- I'm going to go wash my pig.
*************
Clair de Musc - Serge Lutens (edp)

Marin says: Perfume. Kind of non-descript and remarkable only in that it had no alcohol or aldehyde edge and an undefinable sweet smell.

I've had conversation recently that musk may not be quite the animal/sexual smell I thought it was -- everything I've smelled that says musk lately seems to be sweet like baby powder. Not my cup of tea.

The Perfumed Court says: A floral-woody-musk fragrance with notes of delicate orange blossom and white iris from Tuscany.

Hans says: Definitely soapy, but a particular soap... *sniff*

Dove. *sniff*

Dove lotion bar.††


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): With 45 hearts!

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Green Gable.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Only two days later!

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): That damned pee-every-time-I-roll-over thing.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): It is, technically, someone else's book. And he hasn't even seen it yet, so I have to keep it neat and clean.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I think I will now have a drink.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I actually don't have a footnote. Just wanted to say hey to Lyda, who was worried when there were no footnotes yesterday. I know she has a system and everything.

The Zen of Fried Things

TTHFCIF

I was listening to XM Comedy on the way in this morning, and Jake Johannsen was riffing on toilets in China that are, for all purposes, porcelain holes. He speculated that there is a factory in China that makes... holes.

It took me back suddenly† to the first time I heard of doughnut holes. I was nine, Brother was four. Mom had driven to Tomball during the school day% to pick up a paycheck‡ and she was telling me that Brother had sat at the counter of the Woolworth's§ and eaten a dozen doughnut holes.

I laughed and laughed. First I thought it was some kind of expression, like, "tilting at windmills."

"Oh, that kid. He could sit and eat doughnut holes by the dozen."

Then I thought she was pulling my leg.¶ Hey, I'd heard the Burl Ives song. A doughnut hole is nothing. It's the place where the doughnut isn't. It's air. It's a zen koan of a lack of doughnut.

[SUMMARY: I was young, I was naive in the ways of doughnut holes.]

But the point is not doughnuts.# The point is nature vs. nurture.††

Dork is like gay: you're born that way. Nobody can make you a dork, nobody can make you *not* a dork. You are or you aren't.&

[SUMMARY: How zen.]

The doughnut or the hole.‡‡

*************
BPAL - Seraphim (sin & salvation)

Marin says: For an oil, this isn't bad at all. It's strange how much I like the very banal, very classic^ rose and sandalwood in the middle of this scent. It starts -- like most of them do -- with a very heavy incense smell.@ After a half-hour or so, it's very rosy, tempered by a good dose of sandalwood. I think I'd like it better if it was a bit more rose and a bit less sandalwood, but I kinda dig it. After a couple of hours, it fades to an old-lady aura. Not a bad smell, just not sexy or compelling.

ETA: But... OK, so with the oils, I dab a bit on my inner elbows and I put a healthy drop on my wrists.§§ Then I drip a little down my cleavage. Right this second,¶¶ the waft from my cleavage is intoxicating. To me, at least. I think the scent that doesn't get bruised on the wrist wrests## doesn't get so powdery.

I am so in love with myself right now.

Black Pheonix says: A perfume sacred to the highest of the angelic hosts: calla lily, wisteria, white sandalwood,$ Damascus rose$ and frankincense.

Hans says: That smells like baby powder.* You writing this down? Baby powder.
*************


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): With a ripple of the horizon and Wayne's World beedledeedledee noises.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Just to explain why I wasn't there myself.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): She stopped working when I was two, but was never one of those happy SAHM types. Dad wanted to provide, she wanted to nurse. She won.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Remember when Woolworth's had lunch counters? Remember Woolworth's? God, we're old.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Our family is known for its teasing, taunting ways. I come by it honestly.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): It rarely is.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Seriously.

&FOOTNOTE (ampersanded): I am Dork Yoda.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I'm not committing to which part of dork/not dork is the doughnut and which is the hole.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Not always the same thing, but in this case, classic seems banal.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): Is that frankincense?

§§FOOTNOTE (swirling from betwixt my boobs): When I use an EDT, I generally spray it all those places, then on the back of my neck, right near my hairline. Mostly because it's a very sensitive place for me and if anyone is going to nuzzle me, I want them to nuzzle me there.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (two little decants, all in a row): One o'clock in the afternoon... about six hours after application.

##FOOTNOTE (pounded like the M on my keyboard): Kim! The glow-in-the-dark pig with 42 hearts smells like a French whorehouse! In a good way!

$FOOTNOTE (right on the money): Ha! Got one!

*FOOTNOTE (asterisked): Hans usually doesn't get to the scents until they've been fading for a few hours. He skipped the rose and went straight to the old lady.

Knitta's Paradise

It's a good day to be a knitter.†

For one thing, it's Tuesday, which means it's Drunken Knitting night. To make DK even better, it's Billy's Inn night.

I love Patrick Carroll's. It's three blocks from home,‡ it's right across the street from Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack and they've been really good to us.

But a year-and-a-half of the same bar menu wears on even the most intrepid knitter/gustafarian.§ Billy's has *wonderful* food¶ and better light and a marvelous patio, so it's a good alternative.

[SUMMARY: Still drinking, still eating, still knitting.]

And yesterday I got my prize winnings from Lyda Kay's Casting About for a Name contest.

You may already be following along with Karen's or Anna-Liza's prizes. Mine's purple and orange, like one of those lacquered and sparkled lowriders with flames and chrome and such.






See? Shiny!#

[SUMMARY: All my friends know the lowrider... la la la...]

This was my prize package, so there was a pig, of course.

And it came from Lyda, so there was a zombie, of course.




Tommy the Sith Apprentice Cat slipped in a handful†† of kitty toys, including plastic eggs. Note how the plastic eggs have ventilation holes. All the better to transport a vole?‡‡




[SUMMARY: Thanks, Lyda!]

Yesterday, I also got the CD insert from my Very Special Birthday CD. I didn't take a picture. I should have. There's something about seeing "marin birthday" as the first track that makes me all goosebumpy.

*************
NOTE TO SECRET PAL: I just *knew* I heard Judy Collins in there!
*************

[SUMMARY: Thanks, Secret Pal!]

AND... I finished the Dove Leaves scarf last night. And wove in the ends. And washed it and blocked it.§§





Yarn: Fiddlesticks Knitting Silk Sensation, in Dove
Needles: US4
Pattern: Wavy Leaves Scarf from Fiddlesticks Knitting

The pattern says it ends up about 46" long at ten pattern repeats. I did twelve@ repeats and blocked the living shit out of it to get 49".

It should probably be noted for those of you who missed it the first thousand times it's been brought up: I knit a little tight. This mostly affects length -- my stitch count in a row is usually spot-on. Thus the very tight, barely-blockable short scarf.

[SUMMARY: You know the words, sing along: Still a knitblog!]

Tonight at DK, I fully intend to finish the deconstruction of the Father's Day Arrrgyles.

As a matter of fact, I *do* think I have superpowers!¶¶

*************
Creed - Love in Black

Marin Says: You know those sugared violet candies? Or violet-flavoured Chiclets?## I suspect that's what the initial scent was (sneaking a peak at the list), though I got stuck on crayons or Play-doh and couldn't quite place what childhood item it evoked. It's pleasant but weird for a perfume. I absolutely love it a couple of hours in. I smell mostly clove, cardamom and cedar, with a touch of black currant and a hint of something floral.

The Perfumed Court says: Due to be released in the U.S. in September, we've brought this in from the Paris boutique, which is the only place it is available. Created as an homage to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, it has notes of night-blooming wilfdflowers from the Greek isles, violet from italy, Virginia cedar,% iris at the heart, clove,% Tonkin musk, blackcurrant% from France and Bulgarian rose. It is a beautiful, fascinating, feminine floral.

Hans says: "That smells like... um... urgh... I like it... let me smell again.

"Yeah, like crayons or something... that's not quite right... again?

"Bah... go with crayons. I'm not happy with it, but I can't find the right word. Say crayons mixed with Play-doh."

Later: "Is this a new one?

"Yeah, after the roll-out,^ I'm definitely getting violets."


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Really, aren't most days good days to be a knitter? Other than December 21st (when you're still deluding yourself you can get done if you can only knit 22 hours a day for the next four days and will probable end up with a dozen pet rocks or dancing flowers or whatever you can get in bulk at Wal-Mart at the last minute), at least?

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Which means I can drag myself home by my lips if the situation dictates it.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I think I just made that word up. I think I'm awfully clever.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): SPECTACULAR salsa, made fresh in-house.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And now that Low Rider song is going through my head.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Pawful?

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): F_ _ L D M _ _ _ _

"I'd like to buy a vole, Pat."

§§FOOTNOTE (two-ply for your comfort): What is wrong with me? I'm not a finisher, I'm a starter! My reputation as a knittease is at stake!

@FOOTNOTE (atted): For one... twelve! For two, I love the number thirteen, but this is a gift, so I didn't want to jinx anyone else's triskaidekaphobia. That would be a bad gift.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (two scoops, please): And I'm pretty sure I get Saint Points for that too.

##FOOTNOTE (better by the pound): Which I've only seen in Mexico. I bought about three hundred tiny little boxes of violet Chiclets when I was thirteen, studying Spanish in Mexico.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Ha! Got one! Also? Blackcurrant is one word?

^FOOTNOTE (careted): I hipped Hans to the lingo. He may become unlivable.

A Pig of My Own

This was my desk:




See that yellow spongy thing next to my mouse?† That's a sample of Tempur-Pedic™ foam I got specifically to cushion my poor, abused wrist on long mousing days.‡

Then my life changed forever.

Kim, lover of Hugh Laurie, hip mom, charter member of the AntiM Imaginary Friends Community and one of the twelvest twelve-year-olds I know, sent me this§:




With a note with the secret twelvehood password:




The instructions are kinda funny, but I really love that a glow-in-the-dark pig with 45 hearts is suitable for professionals.




Awwwww... wookat da piggie...¶




So now my desk has changed. My world is brighter,# my outlook is better...




...and on slow days I can spend a lot of time doing this%:




A big, happy thank you to Kim, who had to wait while I proved my parents never taught me any manners at all†† by not letting her know I'd received the piggie and put him‡‡ to good use. So also a big apology to Kim. It is one of the coolest things I own§§ and I love it and thank you thank you thank you!


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): And, in the name of knitblog, notice the Knit Picks catalog peeking out from my legal pad.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): I thought it was a very clever solution, and when the Tempu-Pedic™ people send me sales mail, I just throw them away.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Marvel at the perfection. It's a pig. It cushions my wrist. It GLOWS IN THE DARK. And it has 45 hearts. I counted. Also note: it's part of a series. How bad do you want to see the rest of that series?




¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Did you notice how photogenic the piggie is?

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): It has to be... it glows in the dark!

%FOOTNOTE (percented): *ahem* I believe this makes two movies of Marin's hands manipulating novelty pigs. 1) It's probably already a world record, 2) if The Boy isn't careful, his name may change to Novelty Pig and 3) doesn't "manipulating the pig" sound naughty?

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): The discourtesy against Kim only compounded by the fact that I only check my mail about once a week.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Yes, him. Despite the 45 pink hearts. Pigs and spiders tend to be "hims."

§§FOOTNOTE (and then I got all turned around and...): And I have a big HD TiVi and a cat.

Turn On Your Pig Light♪

♪♪Let it shine wherever you are...♪



For the record? I had kinda anticipated putting this up Friday, but YouTube has gone all weird on me...

SEE... my camera used to download movies in some bizarre Olympus format (apparently) that Blogger couldn't recognise. There is a place in the Olympus software where it allows you to choose your formats, but all the formats you've ever heard of were checked and things were still going wonky.

SO... I had to upload from the Olympus software to YouTube, then share it to my blog via YouTube. Which worked pretty well for that first video I ever loaded onto the blog.

BUT... then YouTube started taking three days to get the videos to my blog, and it posts them directly, rather than putting them in draft form and allowing me to choose the time of posting.

THEN... I noticed there was an actual media player icon on my piglight movie, so I went to check and my camera is now downloading in AVI, so Blogger can totally deal with that. So I uploaded my shiny new AVI movie to the drafts and waited.

OF COURSE... YouTube chose some time this morning (apparently) to post the thing and now I have to explain all this to you so you'll understand why it's here on Thursday instead of Friday.

AND... we were going to chat about the Denver Dumb Men's League today, but it might have to wait for tomorrow and I may forget all the funny and insightful things I was going to say.

Fucking YouTube.