Six Little Updates, All in a Row

Thursday, I got to that magical point†:






This, my knitting friends,‡ is the last vestiges of the mass dick warmer% phase of the Six-at-Once project.

[SUMMARY: Those who cannot do, warm.]

Over the weekend, I turned six heels§:




Soon, these will be viable, wearable socks.¶

[SUMMARY: Send in the clowns -- the circus is in full swing.]

This is SO still a knitblog.#


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Like the mystical time between dark and the first greying of dawn, this represents that goose-bumpy place where phallic becomes footie.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): And guy friends. Guys may be nominally interested in the on-beyond-dick-warmer process.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I know I seem abnormally fixated on the phrase "dick warmer," but it's still one of the funniest things anyone has ever said. Particularly about knitting.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Wedged in around spending seven hours trying to maintain a conversation with Brother's increasingly-deaf and hearing aid-resistant grandmother. It is a testament to the ultra-simple short-row heel that I could so easily finish six heels despite the schedule constraints.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Except maybe the blue ones, which are about 3/4 of an inch shorter than the other two pairs. I hadn't thought to allow for what the different stitch patterns might do to the length. Lesson learned. But those socks may have to go to someone with smaller feet than mine. I'll keep you posted.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Just wait 'til you see the O's I'm going to F in the next couple of days and the fish I'm about to knit. And the joyful resurrection (just in time for Easter!) of the "Father's Day (2007)" Arrrgyle socks, since I just figured out how to knit intarsia in the round. Aw, yeah, boyeeee... It's gettin' knitty up in here.

Things I Learned in 2008

Journalistically speaking, it's "lede," not "lead."

Page views still go up every time Tommy makes an appearance.

Intarsia in the round is way harder (or lumpier) than it looked in my head.

The 2008 Broncos aren't worth the knitting they're printed on.

I am a medical rock star.

There are more heels on heaven and earth, Marin, than were dreamt of in your philosophy.

You can put a skull on almost anything.

There is still room in this world for new poker games.

There are no Ns in "dilemma." Yet, there is no particular shame in believing there is.

Perfume is educational.

I want to go to Slovenia. They have pig stamps.

I have a trees vs. forest problem. It's really easy to ignore the big picture when one little, nagging, tiny ping keeps echoing through my head.

If you build it, they may not come anyway.

I'm not as smart as I think I am.

It may take more than one year to make saint.

I really, truly love my job. And my career.

Going dancing is a young person's game.

Open access to up-to-the-minute news is not necessarily a good thing.

Politics can be fun.

Cat for Scale is deaf -- or maybe victim of extreme ear wax. This probably doesn't affect his life much.

Life is too short.

Hans is a really good sport.

Locomotivation

Which means nothing.†

I just kinda liked the word and thought it would look cool popping up over there on the right with the other blogtitles.‡

Here's what I have for you today:

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Like that's news.

[SUMMARY: And the grapes would be sour anyway.]

It's probably largely due to my complete lack of clarity. Two things everybody should know:

1. Secret Pal sent me enough roll-on patchouli to glaze the streets of Denver and keep the hippies happy... and keep me in a state of half-lidded sexual limbo for weeks. Thank you, Secret Pal! I'll be getting more batteries on my lunch hour!


2. The next Vampirates sweater will not be for Tallest, Hairiest Nephew's brother... it will be for Brother. Capital B. As in my brother. As in 6'2" and I wish he'd stop working out so I wasn't contemplating a township of black stockinette.§ That's why I need your support for the idea I can finish it in four months.¶

See? If I just took the marbles out of my mouth, y'all would know what I was talking about.

[SUMMARY: You get what you pay for.]

I'm sure my blogvalue will drop like a Pinto's transmission when the blogiverse gets word that Hans isn't here today.#
*************
Indonesian Patchouli - Yakshi (oil - from Secret Pal)

Marin says: Proving that, like roses,†† different patchoulis have different scents. I'm loving the idea of discovering new concepts out of old ideas.

This version educates me in notes I'd only vaguely noticed and never really put a name to before: licorice, bitter chocolate, benzene.

Usually, patchouli has an black soil base with an overlay of twigs and leaves and tiny, white flowers. This has nothing botanical that I can suss out. It's deeper, rounder and blackter than usual,‡‡ and the scent clings tightly to my wrist... I can't smell it when I'm typing, but the scent doesn't fade even after hours of wear, which makes it kind of personal.

Yakshi says: Indonesian Patchouli finds its strength from the islands of Indonesia. Imagine the heavy, distinct scent wrapping you in a fragrance reminiscent of an exotic Balinese dancer. Fabulous fingers of fragrance evoking a strong, irresistible scent.

Hans says: *cricketcricketcricket*


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Unless you read it as "lack-o-motivation," in which case you'd be on the right track. Heh. Track... trains... locomotive... sorry.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Because it is better to look good than to write good, darling.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Not that there's anybody I'd rather knit acreage in stockinette for.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Particularly given that I haven't been able to get two teeny-tiny little Arrrgyle socks done in nearly two years.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Funny Hans story: He just called to ask me to look up a couple of wells for him, as he wasn't finding the information he was hoping for at the county courthouse in beautiful downtown Lusk. Turns out the boss sent him to the wrong county. Now Hans has to drag his sweet ass (his words) to even beautifuller Douglas, Wyoming, where the wells actually live.

If I get to Reno next week and find I was supposed to be in Honolulu...

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Speaking of roses, I am currently reading The Emeperor of Scent by Chandler Burr, and there is a footnote in the book (yay, footnotes!) that every variety of rose has a distinct scent all its own.

Summertime and the Livin's Breezy

In the adrenaline rush that comes from believing I have superpowers, I finished frogging† the Father's Day‡ Arrrgyles at the bar last night.§




[SUMMARY: Knitting content two days running. This may be a record.]

On the way home,¶ I stopped off at the newish Red Trolley ice cream shoppe# to sample their product.††

I feel kinda bad for them because they opened around the same time as Little Man -- media darling and neighbourhood hot spot -- but they're just not getting the same buzz.

I like Red Trolley better.‡‡

The adorable dreadlocked blonde girl who waited on me was nice as could be, the ice cream was outstanding and the shoppe is just darned cute -- marble and wood, kinda like an old-fashioned soda fountain.

[SUMMARY: Packaging counts.]

Besides, they have these cups that fit perfectly in the modified-for-American-sodas§§ cup holder in CLCWWW.¶¶




And you get a cookie.

And they're closer than Little Man.

Besides, I always cheer for the underdog.##

*************
Neil Morris Signature Collection - Gotham parfum

Marin says: *sigh* Again, anything oil-based has that heavy smell of smoke, incense, amber, myrrh... whatever it is, it doesn't make me all that happy. The smoky damp cloud on my wrist started out, once again, reminiscent of toilet paper or Ti-D-Bowl to my nose.

I'll admit it's mellowed around the edges over the hours and deepened and flowered. It smells like a California redwood forest near the ocean -- cedar and salt-spray, and I do like that part. If I hold my nose a couple of inches from my skin, I get a hint of rose.

Oils are still just too warm and thick for my liking. Is there some way to cut this stuff to suit my aesthetic?

The Perfumed Court says: One of Neil Morris Vault Scents%, Gotham is based on a memory of an October night in NYC - unusually warm and overcast and foggy, with a sense of mystery and things hidden in the dark.

Gotham has notes of Black Pepper, Yuzu, Rose,$ Narcissus,^ Amber, Pearl Musk, Myrtlewood, Tonka absolute, Labdanum, Russian Leather, Redwood,$ and Ambergris.

Neil Morris says: My inspiration for Gotham was a stroll along a street in Manhattan on what could only be described as a summer evening except for the fact that it was late October! It was unusually warm and overcast evening. It was a bit foggy and the atmosphere had a sense of mystery and of things hidden in the night. All in all a magical evening.

Gotham opens with Top Notes of Black Pepper and Yuzu that merge with Heart Notes of Rose and Narcissus. The Base Notes include Ambergris, Myrtlewood, Russian Leather, Amber and Labdanum.@

Hans says: Psyche! Hans says nothing! Hans is out golfing the Mountain Course at the Broadmoor and can't come to my wrist right now. We'll have to try back later.
*************


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Well, some sort of mentally challenged frog with a limp or something. It goes "rip-it, rip... bam. knot! *shuffleyank* *snap!* rip-it, rip-it, rrrrrrrrrrrreeekk! fuck! KNOT!..."

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): *cough2007cough*

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Beer helped.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Well, only a couple of miles out of the way. In the opposite direction.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Charming neighbourhood ice cream stores that make their own ice cream every day in-house should always be honoured with a double-p-e spelling.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Y'know... in the name of fairness and letting the people know and stuff.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): In my vast experience of having tasted two flavours at each shoppe. But both the Red Trolley flavours were outstanding and one of the Little Man flavours tasted like potpourri. For the record: Red Trolley -- banana bread ice cream and bing cherry hazlenut chip ice cream. Little Man -- firecracker blueberry cinnamon (aka - potpourri) sorbet and ginger gelato.

§§FOOTNOTE (this'll turn your head): No lie. The big complaint out of the American market was that the Mini couldn't accommodate a Big Gulp. Ah, well. The gluttony of the masses allows for ice cream transportation for me. Thank you, gluttonous masses.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (aw, it looks like two little taste spoons): Where you can see I'm keeping the AC at 60 degrees, my tank is nearly full, I'm listening to a song called, "I'm a Vampire" and the Red Trolley is at an altitude of 5320'. Also, I haven't dusted in awhile.

##FOOTNOTE (how many I intend to gain taste-testing ice cream in the 'hood): Unless, y'know, it's the Raiders. Or my team happens to be the overdog. But all other things being equal, I'm behind the underdog all the way. Did I mention training camp started last week? And the dark days of summer are almost over?




%FOOTNOTE (percented): Actually, it's not. I went to the Neil Morris site to get the Neil Morris take on this Neil Morris creation and it turns out Neil Morris doesn't agree with the Perfumed Court. I'm going with Neil Morris on this one. After all, it is a Neil Morris Signature Collection scent.

$FOOTNOTE (moneyed): Ha! Got one!

^FOOTNOTE (careted): I have no idea what Narcissus smells like.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): I know you've read this all before, but I try to give the perfumer's rhetoric when I can find it.

Knitta's Paradise

It's a good day to be a knitter.†

For one thing, it's Tuesday, which means it's Drunken Knitting night. To make DK even better, it's Billy's Inn night.

I love Patrick Carroll's. It's three blocks from home,‡ it's right across the street from Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack and they've been really good to us.

But a year-and-a-half of the same bar menu wears on even the most intrepid knitter/gustafarian.§ Billy's has *wonderful* food¶ and better light and a marvelous patio, so it's a good alternative.

[SUMMARY: Still drinking, still eating, still knitting.]

And yesterday I got my prize winnings from Lyda Kay's Casting About for a Name contest.

You may already be following along with Karen's or Anna-Liza's prizes. Mine's purple and orange, like one of those lacquered and sparkled lowriders with flames and chrome and such.






See? Shiny!#

[SUMMARY: All my friends know the lowrider... la la la...]

This was my prize package, so there was a pig, of course.

And it came from Lyda, so there was a zombie, of course.




Tommy the Sith Apprentice Cat slipped in a handful†† of kitty toys, including plastic eggs. Note how the plastic eggs have ventilation holes. All the better to transport a vole?‡‡




[SUMMARY: Thanks, Lyda!]

Yesterday, I also got the CD insert from my Very Special Birthday CD. I didn't take a picture. I should have. There's something about seeing "marin birthday" as the first track that makes me all goosebumpy.

*************
NOTE TO SECRET PAL: I just *knew* I heard Judy Collins in there!
*************

[SUMMARY: Thanks, Secret Pal!]

AND... I finished the Dove Leaves scarf last night. And wove in the ends. And washed it and blocked it.§§





Yarn: Fiddlesticks Knitting Silk Sensation, in Dove
Needles: US4
Pattern: Wavy Leaves Scarf from Fiddlesticks Knitting

The pattern says it ends up about 46" long at ten pattern repeats. I did twelve@ repeats and blocked the living shit out of it to get 49".

It should probably be noted for those of you who missed it the first thousand times it's been brought up: I knit a little tight. This mostly affects length -- my stitch count in a row is usually spot-on. Thus the very tight, barely-blockable short scarf.

[SUMMARY: You know the words, sing along: Still a knitblog!]

Tonight at DK, I fully intend to finish the deconstruction of the Father's Day Arrrgyles.

As a matter of fact, I *do* think I have superpowers!¶¶

*************
Creed - Love in Black

Marin Says: You know those sugared violet candies? Or violet-flavoured Chiclets?## I suspect that's what the initial scent was (sneaking a peak at the list), though I got stuck on crayons or Play-doh and couldn't quite place what childhood item it evoked. It's pleasant but weird for a perfume. I absolutely love it a couple of hours in. I smell mostly clove, cardamom and cedar, with a touch of black currant and a hint of something floral.

The Perfumed Court says: Due to be released in the U.S. in September, we've brought this in from the Paris boutique, which is the only place it is available. Created as an homage to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, it has notes of night-blooming wilfdflowers from the Greek isles, violet from italy, Virginia cedar,% iris at the heart, clove,% Tonkin musk, blackcurrant% from France and Bulgarian rose. It is a beautiful, fascinating, feminine floral.

Hans says: "That smells like... um... urgh... I like it... let me smell again.

"Yeah, like crayons or something... that's not quite right... again?

"Bah... go with crayons. I'm not happy with it, but I can't find the right word. Say crayons mixed with Play-doh."

Later: "Is this a new one?

"Yeah, after the roll-out,^ I'm definitely getting violets."


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Really, aren't most days good days to be a knitter? Other than December 21st (when you're still deluding yourself you can get done if you can only knit 22 hours a day for the next four days and will probable end up with a dozen pet rocks or dancing flowers or whatever you can get in bulk at Wal-Mart at the last minute), at least?

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Which means I can drag myself home by my lips if the situation dictates it.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I think I just made that word up. I think I'm awfully clever.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): SPECTACULAR salsa, made fresh in-house.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And now that Low Rider song is going through my head.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Pawful?

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): F_ _ L D M _ _ _ _

"I'd like to buy a vole, Pat."

§§FOOTNOTE (two-ply for your comfort): What is wrong with me? I'm not a finisher, I'm a starter! My reputation as a knittease is at stake!

@FOOTNOTE (atted): For one... twelve! For two, I love the number thirteen, but this is a gift, so I didn't want to jinx anyone else's triskaidekaphobia. That would be a bad gift.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (two scoops, please): And I'm pretty sure I get Saint Points for that too.

##FOOTNOTE (better by the pound): Which I've only seen in Mexico. I bought about three hundred tiny little boxes of violet Chiclets when I was thirteen, studying Spanish in Mexico.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Ha! Got one! Also? Blackcurrant is one word?

^FOOTNOTE (careted): I hipped Hans to the lingo. He may become unlivable.

I'd Like to Knit the World a Sock...

By the way? The moral of yesterday's Nintendo post?

When the Nigerian prince emails and says, "Let's play some Nintendo," just do it.

*************

Sheesh. I think I have about 14 projects going right now.†

Some of them, admittedly, just need finishing.

*coughlizardridgecough*

*coughgrandma'sslipperscough*

Some of them are Brother's Father's Day socks from 2007. Turns out frogging intarsia isn't as easy as it looks.

Some of them are the blue scarf. You remember the blue scarf. I can't lay my hands on the blue scarf right this minute, but when I do, it'll be highly active.

[SUMMARY: Making "some" a singular since 2006.]

Some projects are the Sebring tank top, which has been dubbed the shirt from hell by all who come across it. There's something seriously wonky about the pattern -- even those who are getting gauge are ending up with knitted bits that are WAY too big.

Now, I'm not getting gauge. I never intended to get gauge. I couldn't find yarn I liked that would seem to get 6.75 stitches per inch, so I decided I'd just do the math.‡

Yeah, ask me how that worked out.

I wonked the lace panel on the first go 'round,§ but before I frogged it I tried it on. At my bust measurement point,¶ it was probably three or four inches bigger than me.#

[SUMMARY: That's fucking huge.]

It doesn't seem to matter if you're getting gauge like Bag Lady Kathryn and Genius Sarah, or if you're a Sesame Street reject like me. The thing is just too damned big.

So I'm now knitting the extra small on the pattern... it *looks* OK...




I did wonk the lace a little. Again. But I'm willing to live with it.




[SUMMARY: Third frog's the charm.††]

So remember when Dad knit the Christmas stocking?

Well, a knitter friend of his was so excited -- she actually thought it would be the start of a wonderful new hobby for him.‡‡ In that spirit, she got him the Knitting Pattern-a-Day Calendar. Which he was going to give to me. Until she got really hurt he'd give her present away.

So it sits on top of his microwave.

Dad being Dad, he actually keeps up with it, changing patterns every day. Which is how he found this one:

Rippling Dunes Socks



"Daughter,§§ I brought you some mail and some magazines and a hint."

I pulled the pattern out of the bag and he said, "I just thought that was really neat. I even like the yarn. Without the pink."

He pondered for a moment.

"I guess the pink would be OK."

It just so happened that I had purchased a couple of hanks of Shibui Sock in Pebble with the specific intent of making socks for Dad.

Look at that. It looks an awful lot like the yarn in the picture... only without the pink.

So I started those last week and made some pretty good headway on the trip to Wisconsin.




[SUMMARY: Headway on socks.%]

I'm also working on the Wavy Leaves scarf from Fiddlesticks Knitting.




And the Malabrigo lace in the gorgeous purple¶¶ sent by Secret Pal for my birthday.




I know it doesn't look like a WIP, but if you saw the number of projects I've cast on and frogged, you'd understand my insistence that it IS a work in progress and my demand that I get credit for it as such.

I've been searching for just the right lace pattern for a lovely scarf. I may have finally found one in the lost## Barbara Walker stitch dictionary. Further updates as the situation warrants.

So that's it, poppets. All the news what's fit to print.

[SUMMARY: Sing it with me: Still a knitblog!]

Happy Holiday! Drink responsibly!


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Like, actively going. Not like, "I have a bunch of stuff in the back of the closet and technically it's a work-in-progress, but let's face it, I'm never going to get jazzed enough about 40 acres of linen stitch enough to actually pick it up again."

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): I can hear you laughing.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Actually, I wonked it once and said, "Nobody will ever notice that." Then I wonked it again and said, "Nobody will ever notice it down there by the hem." Then I wonked it again and said, "If you squint really hard..." Then I finally got over my state of denial and frogged.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): You know... the BIG number.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Circus tent proportions.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Oh, if only it worked that way for kissing them...

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Dear Barbara, have you MET my dad?

§§FOOTNOTE (I get my curly hair from my Dad too): Yes, he calls me "Daughter." And I often call him "Father." It doesn't sound nearly as posh from our end. 'Specially since he just as often calls me "Gruese." Short for "Gruesome."

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Heh.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (straights -- you know, as opposed to circs): Purple so beautiful, even my purple-hating camera deigned to capture it.

##FOOTNOTE (pound it twice and it's twice as nice!): Lost to me. In trying to find my Sherman's Lagoon book (don't judge) last night, I discovered it under the bed.

Touch My Monkey

Go on... you know you want to.

In other intarsia news, I am frogging† Brother's Father's Day Arrrgyles. Not all the way... not even back to dick warmer. Just enough to get rid of the colourwork I've already done.

While I stand fast to the idea that you can do unstranded colourwork in the round, I am conceding you probably shouldn't.

After my test Arrrgyle and after the operative part‡ of the Monkey Pack, I believe it will go a LOT faster if I just work the picture portion flat.

I'm still debating with myself as to whether to try to do it completely flat, sew it into a tube, then graft it onto the sock part... or just start working back and forth on the existing sock, sewing up the back when I'm done.

[SUMMARY: Too many options, too little experience.]

And the red silk thing is holding steady at 5", no matter how hard I knit on it.§

[SUMMARY: Still a knitblog!]

Let's just be twelve today and not think of silly things like objects in the mirror that aren't as large as they appear and taxes and werk...


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Note to Brother: That's the "rip it, rip it" thing.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): That would be the monkey.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): So many opportunities for Brainless Twelvehood, I hardly know where to start...

Knitting!

Imagine!

First, can you believe I wasn't stricken by lighting† or smitten‡ by a wandering priest yesterday?

No, my friends, I'm still standing. Or, in the interest of full disclosure and complete honesty, sitting.%

Hey, I'm still going for sainthood§ and Carol mentioned "thought, word and deed," or some such nonsense, then Sarah chimed in to clarify how the title saint basically means the PTB at The Church ar 99% positive that person is in heaven,@ and it started to feel complicated, then I decided to start my own church, under which I can be a saint if I damn well please.$

[SUMMARY: So many rules, so little patience.]

I *have* been knitting, though you may not have guessed.

I've been knitting a little on the Noro socks. I've been knitting¶ on the Father's Day socks for Brother. They don't really look that much different than the last time you saw them... just a little longer.

Then there's Mr. Greenjeans:




Mr. Greenjeans even has CABLES now.#




And I showed you the silk for this:




Now it looks like it will be something someday.

The photography still doesn't do the red justice. It's beautifuller than you can imagine looking at it here. And, for those of you interested in such technical details, the Harmony needles totally rock silk. It's the perfect marriage of slidey and grippy.††

When I found out I was invited to the baby shower, mere days before the event, I decided to make a baby blanket because I am insane and believe I have superpowers. But I started the blanket Saturday the 1st and have only knitted two rounds since the shower on the 2nd and here it is, nearly done:




OK, so it mostly looks like a jellyfish,^ and when Mary pulled the unfinished product out of the bag,‡‡ the look on her face didn't say, "Oh, goodness, what a special and lovely blanket!" It said, "If that's the hat that fits the thing that comes out of me, I'm keeping my legs crossed. Forever, if necessary."

*ahem* No need to note I haven't done a significant thing since the shower.

[SUMMARY: I work best on a deadline.]

The brightest new star in my demented constellation is this:




Guess what that is. Go on... guess.


***


***


***


***


***


Give up?

Four socks at once.

See, the Tallest, Hairiest Nephew expressed a desire for socks. I decided Easter would be a good occasion, but I feel I should probably make socks for Dr. Doom as well. I can do two socks at once, why not four?

And that's only sort of a rhetorical question. I asked myself that question yesterday then spent a certain amount of spare time drawing diagrams, doing maths§§ and doing those hand gestures and squints to indicate I was thinking in three-dimensional space.

I had to rip the first try out because Tallest Hairiest Nephew's socks start with 18 stitches and Dr. Doom's socks start with 16 stitches.¶¶ I got them all mixed up and was adding random stitches here and there.

We're OK now. I'm going to have to keep a close eye on the toes.

But once I hit the feet, it'll be smooth sailing.

Until I get to the heels.

But then the legs will be all good again.

I can do it. Can so.

[SUMMARY: Cleopatra...]

Hey! Guess what! Still a knitblog!

Now with added saints!


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Though my near-perfect record of laughing uncontrollably in church -- sometimes during the Lord's Prayer -- should have long given lie to the idea of divine retribution.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Smote?

%FOOTNOTE (percented): It is a werk day, you know, so I'm exerting myself as little as possible.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Back when Annie and I were both old and single (before she got married and ruined it for everyone. And by "everyone," I mean, "me"), we had a running collaborative tale about our pathetic childless, husbandless states. I was St. Marin of the One-Cup Coffee Maker and I was doomed... um, *destined*... to forever be "Aunt" to hundreds of unrelated children, the "extra woman" at dinner parties and a collector of cats and dolls. Trust me, it's not nearly as funny (nor tragic) now.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): And if y'all are interested, I highly recommend James Morrow's "Only Begotten Daughter," a book in which Jesus Christ has a 20th century step-sister and the only criterion for hell is that someone else thinks *your kind* goes there.

$FOOTNOTE (moneyed): I think I'm funny.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): You can't imagine how slowly the colourwork portion of the Arrrgyles is going. I knit and knit and knit for hours and only get two rounds done. Elves. I need elves. Y'know... like The Sockmaker and the Elves.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And gets to do its photo shoot on a *very* clean carpet. Which is a tortured way to segueway into the explanation that I did take before and after photos of the carpet, but they don't look that much different. Trust me... IRL carpet is shiny. Photo carpet wouldn't impress you.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): The little-known eighth and ninth dwarves.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): And not a pretty gift bag. I put it in a King Soopers bag and tied the handles in a knot. Mary didn't even know it was a gift; Tani had to nudge it toward her and say, "This is a present too." So you can imagine how that compounded the confused dismay she felt when she opened the homely little bag and found... a blue acrylic jellyfish.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Cat for Scale was nowhere to be seen when this picture was taken (it was too early and he'd crawled under the covers for a little nap before his mid-early-morning snack). It's currently about 30" in diameter. I'm not even sure how big it SHOULD be to be an effective blanket that will still fit over a carseat (the benchmark mothers have hipped me to). I think I'm going for 36". It seems like a nice, round number. Or maybe 39" because it's a multiple of 13 and that appeals to my prickly dark side.

§§FOOTNOTE (tidal pools of jellyfish...): I know, I know, but I keep thinking someday I'll wake up and the maths thing will click... kinda like when I was playing the oboe.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (little stocking feet): Yes, thank you, it has occurred to me that Dr. Doom's 19-stitch feet and THN's 23-stitch feet will require slightly different jump-off points for the actual feet (to correspond with the slightly different ending points for the toes), and that it will take me slightly different lengths to get to the heels... I'll burn those bridges when I get to them.

All New! All Fibre!

Knitting. Ah, there is knitting to be had. Knitting to be bad.†

First, I was taken out rather unceremoniously‡ in Hat Attack. At least I reached my stated goal not to go out in the first round.




This is the hat that killed me, gleefully knit by Ravelry's llamamama. She also sent some lovely Scharfenberger's dark dark chocolate, so that helped take the sting out. Also? Cat for Scale LURVES this hat. He nuzzles and burrows and gets this dopey look on his face. I'm pretty sure the hat is 100% wool, but he's treating it the way he treats alpaca.

[SUMMARY: Like mother, like son.]

On the other end of the fibre spectrum, I finished a birthday present for SusieQ, intrepid manager/bartender at the Coral Room. I told her I'd like to knit her a scarf. She said she wanted rainbow and she said she's allergic to wool.

Off to Michael's and the five-pound wad of crayon-coloured acrylic!

I knitted this out of Caron Simply Soft worsted, two strands held together, then used the double-stranding to sort of blend the colours. Two strands of red, then one red and one orange, then two strands of orange, then one orange and one yellow, etc.

She loves it and I have enough yarn left over to keep the nephews in stuff until they're too old for rainbows.§




[SUMMARY: You can use cheap acrylic for good or evil. I choose good.]

When I got the Noro sock yarn, I was all hype for an attempt at making Lizard Ridge socks. Of course, Lizard Ridge uses short rows, so -- of course -- it can't be knit in the round. So I knitted and knitted and knitted and no Lizard bumps were evident.




I sighed, determined maybe the colour repeats were too long or too short and frogged back to the heel, where I started knitting stockinette and simply enjoying the fading of one colour into the other.

Raise your hand if you see the problem.¶

I never switched to the other end of the ball of Noro. Like you're supposed to@ in the middle of every Lizardy pattern repeat. This is KEY in getting the Lizard Ridge to Lizard Ridge.

Ah, well. I still have the other ball of Noro sock yarn. I'll do that one right and let you know how it all goes.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of the Noro socks from a couple of weeks ago. As you can see, the colour changes are starting to catch up with each other and soon we will be able to see that the socks are not only related, but definitely from the same run of yarn.




[SUMMARY: Dork dork dork dork dork.]

Meanwhile, back at the other socks...

Don't despair, Brother. I fully intend to have last year's Father's Day present done before this Father's Day.




I have to admit to having dorked these as well. I've been blithely knitting long with the 80-stitch Arrrgyle pattern, not realising until a couple of days ago that each diamond is 40 stitches across and the whole pattern spans 80 stitches. Ah, well. I'm going to have to re-chart the skull and crossbones, but I don't think I'll frog the twenty rows of intarsia# to make it right.

Call it a modifcation to the design. Call it a deliberate one, if it's OK with you.

[SUMMARY: *ahem*]

And ANOTHER dork moment in Marin's knitting: Sylvia, Grand Purveyor of Fuzzy Crack, got the Schaefer Yarn catalog and in a moment of wool fume-induced euphoria, we decided to do a Mr. Greenjeans KAL.

What we didn't know at the time was that Schaefer only dyes in batches of ten or twelve, so if you don't order ten or twelve,†† you have to wait until someone else orders enough to make a full batch.

Two months later, I was kinda climbing the walls, dreaming of my greengreengreen yarn, stroking my size 8s in eager anticipation‡‡... and I came up with a brilliant idea: Ravelry.

Surely, a plea to the Ravelers could dig up someone dying§§ to own their own collection of Rafael¶¶ yarn.

Within a couple of hours of posting my plight, Sylvia emailed to say my yarn had showed up. Apparently, they dyed so much for TNNA or Stitches or one of those big fibre fests that they could send my yarn.




Isn't it... green?

I knit a gauge swatch and found I'm getting 5 stitches to the inch instead of the 4.5 the pattern calls for. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since I'm apparently a tight knitter, but I've never NOT gotten gauge before. And it was on my gorgeous new Colonial rosewood needles, so I didn't want to switch needle sizes, so...

I did some math. And I had already had a little heartburn over the sizing, not quite wanting the small and not quite wanting the medium. Turns out if I knit at 5 stitches per inch and knit like I'm knitting a large, it'll come out between a medium and a small,% which seems just about perfect to me.

NOTE: Keep this little story in mind. It'll turn up again in a few minutes. You might laugh.

Friday, in the Sheridan airport, I finished "Making Money," so I cast on Greenjeans and started knitting.

I find top-down raglan construction a little magical, the way the increases line up all smooth and neat...




...and, given my adventure in Maths Land, the magic of begin able to try it on before it's finished so I don't knit a whole freakin' sweater before I find out it's all wrong.

I dropped by Sylvia's on Saturday and discovered I'd done the knitting equivalent of starting in on dinner before everybody has their food. I've never been in a KAL where anybody actually AL'd. Everybody just kinda goes their own way, occasionally asking questions or sorting out pattern translation issues.

Oops.

But I'm so intrigued and so stoked I can't stop. I don't knit it a lot, not obsessively, but I've added nine or ten rows to what you see here.

Sylvia gets her yarn very soon. I'm trying to be good.

[SUMMARY: I lied in the footnotes. It doesn't just sound cool, I *am* knitting to be bad.]

Let's move from WIPs to USOs,## shall we?

Partly because I'm a notorious joiner and partly because I want to learn how to do the leaves because they might fit in with a scarf I'm half-assedly designing, I ordered the Vintage sock kit.




I truly love the way the pattern is printed on heavy paper, on half sheets††† and held with a ring. I'm tempted to go get the whole thing laminated to keep it pristine.

Next, I became enamoured of the Silk Ribbed Camisole from Vintage Knits, so I went in search of the perfect yarn to make my own.

I came up with this:




The deep, rich red -- poorly represented here -- will be edged with the mossy green. The problem? It is a completely different gauge than the yarn called for in the pattern.

For the record? The yarn called for in the pattern is discontinued. I *had* to improvise.

So I spent one night in Sheridan at the little hotel writing desk with a calculator and a notebook, revamping the pattern to (hopefully) fit the fibre.

NOTE: Keep this little story in mind. It'll turn up again in a few minutes. You might laugh.

I've never ordered from elann.com before, but I found their new collections so exciting and afordable I decided to give them a whirl to knit the monkey version of the Punk Rock Backpack‡‡‡ from Stitch 'n' Bitch for Dr. Doom's birthday.




I'm a little worried the two browns aren't different enough. I guess we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

Meanwhile, in tracking down the right yarn for Stacey for her part in the Black Valentine thingie, I ran across some Shibui sock yarn I needed. No, I didn't *want* it, I *needed* it.





Isn't it lovely and soft and beachy? It's called Pebble, but I'm going to love it and hug it and name it George.

And I FINALLY got some Black Bunny yarn. For ages, I've been visiting every time I see Carol is updating, and I always show up a little late, when there are colours I already sort of have or only laceweight left or something.

But this time, oh, this time was special. This is a bamboo/merino sock yarn and it feels as misty soft as it looks. The colour is Bamboo Shoots and it is now named George II.




I got all turned on by Eunny Jang's Ladylike Gloves and went looking for fun yarn to knit them and came across this Habu silk.




I have no idea if it will work properly, but I think it's hellacool, so I'll give it the old college try.

Last, but not least, I got this gorgeous creature at Sylvia's. It's Red Rocks Fiber Works Aspen Sock in Artichoke.

One of these^ is going to eca for *her* participation in the Black Valentine thingie.





I've been waiting for something good for the Waterfall Sock pattern I bought from Knit Spot last summer, and I think this is it.

[SUMMARY: Superconsumer! Just doing my part to boost our flagging economy! Just wait 'til the dyes come in this week!]

Now, let's chat a little about my sudden surge into the world of mathematics and knitting.

WHAT THE HELL DO I THINK I'M DOING? Do we remember who we are talking about? Little-miss-can't-count-to-four wants to re-size whole patterns? I fear a fiery, fiery crash is in the offing.

You wanna know something funny? I was invited to join a Ravelry group called Woolly Thoughts Fans, dedicated to geeky mathematical knitting pursuits (pis, Fibonaccis, etc). It's kinda like when I get penis enlargement offers and I wonder who these people have been talking to that I'm on their mailing list.

I joined, of course.§§§

And I'll let y'all know how that all goes.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): OK, not really, but I like the way it sounds.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Mostly 'cause I was in Sheridan. Y'all know if I'd gone to the mailbox last Wednesday and found a hat, there would have been... lots of words. Plenty of ceremony. Histrionics.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Ooooh... dagger through the heart! Maybe one will be gay and will never completely outgrow rainbows.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Stacey, I'm pretty sure this is the point where you call me a hot mess and I can do naught but agree.

@FOOTNOTE (atted): And by, "you," I mean, "I."

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Yeah, this picture is a couple of weeks old too. I've been thinking of you guys for weeks and setting up to give you knit-it-and-make-it-all-better.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Four. We each ordered four.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): That's what she said!

§§FOOTNOTE (wound up like a skein of sock yarn): No pun intended. OK, maybe a little.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (gophers): It was in the kids' yarn section, so I think it's probably named after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I think.

##FOOTNOTE (pounded like a dollar): UnStarted Objects.

†††FOOTNOTE (cross my blog and hope to dye): I fold all my patterns in half anyway.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (in stitches!): Hereafter ever dubbed "Monkey Pack."

^FOOTNOTE (careted): Yes, I bought two. I'd already named mine George III... how could I let it go?

§§§FOOTNOTE (a veritable jacuzzi): Don't laugh. It could happen to you.