A nice piece of elephant:
[SUMMARY: The best punchlines are served up cold.%]
I went to one of those parties this weekend. I told the saleschick† I wanted to take a picture of the Perfect Jewel and exactly why. She thought it was funny, then told me I could just go to the website and steal their picture.
Once I got to their website, I was sadly disappointed by the enlargement options‡ on their photos. Thus, this isn't the greatest picture, but I trust you'll get the idea.§
%FOOTNOTE (percented): Ask the people in Jonestown.
I'm going to hell.
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Not her official title, and probably one of those accidentally anti-feminist remarks I tend to make, being not very sensitive and all.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): If you were selling vibrators, wouldn't you want wildly liberal enlargement options? For so many reasons?
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): 'Cause y'all are smart that way. Wouldn't a picture of a donkey be so appropriate right about now?