Reunion

Have you ever run into someone, say, in line at the grocery store... someone you haven't seen in ten or fifteen years?

In the two or three interruptable minutes you have, you try to catch up.†

That's how I feel right now.

It's not really that anything major has happened that anybody needs to know about. That would be easy. It's that this blog isn't about major things. This is about teeny, tiny little muses of fluff. There have been a LOT of fluff muses in the last *mumblemonthormoremumble*.

[SUMMARY: Facebook lifestyle‡ got me down.]

I really wish I could share some of the funny, witty, clever, wicked, brilliant thoughts I've had,§ but I only remember them for about four hours¶ and they're all gone now.

So let's start with knitting, since once upon a time, this was STILL A KNITBLOG.

I finally finished the last two of the six-at-once socks.# I wear them often.†† I'm mostly pleased with how they look, but I have to admit that the Shibui sock is so tightly twisted that it's noticably rough on the feet. I know they'll last longer than nice, soft socks, but I think I'll be seeking nice, soft sock yarn from here on out.

I am currently knitting a fabulous sweater‡‡ for Dr. Doom. I'm so excited about it I'm practically vibrating, but I think I'll wait until it's done so you're all surprised and stuff.

[SUMMARY: Blah blah knit blah blah blah knit knit blah.]

I get to go on an airplane next week. The payoff for being allowed to fly on company dollars is that I have to go to Houston. And answer questions from potential buyers at an auction. Two days of misery, but did I mention I get to ride an airplane?

[SUMMARY: The glamourous life of a petroleum landman.]

I gently declined to spend Thanksgiving with my family and ordered my dinner from a local gourmet market. I shopped Old Navy at noon, had some dinner and went to the Broncos game by myself.§§

TRAGIC NOTE: This dreck has taken me two days¶¶ to slog through. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think we should all cut our losses and look at something shiny. Tomorrow may be a better day.

To make up for it, please help yourself to one free holiday song download every day in December from Amazon.com.##


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): All the while wondering if you should mention or avoid that night backstage with the tangled scrim and the masking tape.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): We can blame Facebook for part of this. Facebook sucks a lot of time out of me. I'm trying to learn to control it, but it's been a long road to recovery.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): You just *know* I've had dozens of brilliant, clever thoughts.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Old... feeble...

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Though I didn't bind off loose enough and they get stuck partway up my calf and slouch there.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Despite the binding and the slouching.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): And just discovered last night that in adding an inch under the arms when I put the sleeve holes on holders, I added an inch to the body of the sweater and am now trying to figure out a way to take it in by two inches that will 1) make it look like I meant to do that, and 2) be removable so he can wear it an extra year if he wants to.

§§FOOTNOTE (a fine turn of events): And have discovered that one or both of the following must happen for the Broncos to win: 1) I must go to the game by myself. 2) Van Walker can not be advertising his Bronco Slappy bandwagon fandom for his beliked Broncos on Facebook.

It has *nothing* to do with the team.

For those of you scoring at home, the Raiders should beat the Broncos by about 83 points, since I'm taking three people to that game.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (bock bock): And there aren't even any chickens.

##FOOTNOTE (murder by numbers): I'm not getting anything for this -- I just heard about it and thought I'd share.

Herringbone: That's What She Said

I should be embarrassed to post this.†

If I had any pride% at all...

[SUMMARY: The crux of the biscuit.]

'Cause, see, I finished these socks, what? A month ago? Maybe more?‡

There is one tiny mitigating factor: I was waiting for Kim to get them§ so I didn't step¶ on her glory.

You've been on the edge of your seat this whole time, right?#

[SUMMARY: Socks? What socks? There were socks?]

Here are the pictures I took of Kim's socks in the garden.††






Note the clever calf shaping‡‡:




Public Service Announcement:

Hey, knitters! Toe-up socks are fun and practical and you know all the cool kids are doing them. Just remember, like big boobs and patriotism,§§ the ability to try on socks as you go only works if you USE IT PROPERLY.

[SUMMARY: Do as I say, not as I knit.]

You're welcome.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Since it would be even more embarrassing to reveal that I lost my camera in my own recliner for a panicky twelve hours, I'm calling this the lesser of evils and going with it.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Pride is a SIN. A BIG one. We saints-in-training have no truck with that sort of thing.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Who's counting?

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Turns out that was completely in my control too.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Hahaha! Get it? Socks... step... :D

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): And judging by the series of thuds echoing around the world, holding your breaths too!

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): In the neighbour's garden. They have more green stuff. I was going to explain that I have a red bush, but I know how your mind works and I was trying to avoid the off-colour comments.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I had the forethought to worry about calves, but not an inkling about ankles.

§§FOOTNOTE (still reeling from the depths): How profound, Mr. Wizard.

.-.. .. -.-. -.- - .... . .--. .. --. †

Lest you think I never think of knitting anymore, I am in the process of graphing the Bat Conservation International logo for a nifty tam o' shanter.




And later this week, I'll post pictures of the pair of socks I finished a month ago.




And, FSM willing, the sparkly scarf I'm making from Nathan's brilliant stash contribution.‡

[SUMMARY: I'll keep you coming back for more!]

Meanwhile, I shall share some funny bits lurking in my files.

Like Tippi Hedren in marshmallows§:




And, of course, stupid sparkly vampire snark:




And a whole collection of Savage Chickens that made me snarf%:








Speaking of chicken, I started my birthday with chicken 'n' waffles, a taste treat much lauded by Snoop Dogg, so I felt I had to try it.¶

I am currently developing recipes to make chicken 'n' waffles not quite so much heart-attack-waiting-to-happen.# It's really all about the tobasco and maple syrup, so fat content should be negotiable.

More birthday magic later this week too!

[SUMMARY: I took a couple of marketing classes in college.]

As long as we're talking about food, I just received word from Lucretia-once-Tia that I won a year's supply of Blue Bunny ice cream on a contest on her blog.

[SUMMARY: Don't stand near me. Lightning is about to strike.††]

Yep! It's a staccato blast of pig-licking today. Who knows what cohesiveness or cleverness tomorrow may bring?‡‡


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Genuine Morse Code! Fun for the whole family! Translation: Lick the pig.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): While I try not to go overboard with WIP pics, I think Nathan should see that his generous gift is going to good and glam use. And it will pad the blog the way only sparkly, sparkly pictures can.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Don't look, Jackson! And don't click the link!

%FOOTNOTE (percented): The last one is, of course, especially for Lyda.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I want to be Snoop Dogg when I grow up, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): I'm thinking non-fried fried chicken and Kashi toaster waffles.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): I'd like to thank Juno for pointing out that, contrary to my grip on kharma, I will not be struck by lightning to balance out all the good stuff that's happening, but that there is special birthday kharma that allows good things without ass-biting returns.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Yeah, most of you can lay the odds on that, but you never know. I may experience a flash of brilliance.

And the Winner Is...

Kim!†

Kim, I have your address. I'll finish the socks tonight and ship you off an increasingly festive package‡ by the end of the week.§

Promise.


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Picked randomly by Hans.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Since I've been building it through many holidays and seasons. *ahem*

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Hey, I finally got Sarah's package out last week, ensuring that Ben won't outgrow his present before it even gets to him. I'm feeling cocky.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed):

Some Cinderella

So you know how knitting is: you have a dozen things going on,† you finish an object, you share with your friends, but there's so much going on beneath the surface.‡

I've knit a few BSJs§ since the last time we visited the knitting, and a fish¶ and a bomb,# but I've been diligently working on my six-at-once socks too. You just haven't seen them.††

[SUMMARY: In which I ask you to take a leap of faith.‡‡]

The herringbone pattern, which takes much more yarn than the lace patterns, is nearly done.§§ I am, in fact, a half-inch into the ribbing. And I'm was really proud of myself because I could kind of tell it wasn't quite as stretchy, so I incorporated some truly elegant calf-shaping.¶¶

Last night, I tried all the socks on.##

The herringbones are almost too narrow for my duck feet and totally too narrow to get around my heel.

SO... it seems like a good time for a contest of some sort.

[SUMMARY: In which I dangle bait.]

The sticky part is 13" around††† and I truly believe that with a little Crisco and a pair of pliers, I could get the socks over my heel.% It's *that* close to working. The socks are knit to a women's 8 1/2 size and would work for a slighly larger or quite a bit smaller length.

If you truly believe this would work for you, write a lovely sock haiku, put it in the comments ON THIS POST‡‡‡ and I will pick a random winner from the entrants on, say, Monday morning.

Let's say you have until 8:00 ay-em§§§ on Monday to get a haiku in.

[SUMMARY: In which I explain how your leap of faith could be clothed in very cute socks.¶¶¶]

Pass it on -- there's nothing I like better than a lovely sock haiku.###


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Maybe I'm projecting.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): My sophomore year in college, there a flurry of construction on the south end of Taylor Hall. Bulldozers, big flatbed trucks, smallish cranes and a pile of metal. After a couple of days, they left. And we waited to see what the pile of metal was going to be when it was finished. Turns out it was finished. It was a sculpture called Key Shift, about which the artist said (paraphrasing), "It gives the impression of a lot going on just beneath the surface." To which I replied, "Because there's nothing going on up here." Now every time I talk about stuff going on beneath the surface, I think of that. You're welcome.



§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I have the pictures to prove it.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Of course.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): We'll talk about that later, when the bomb is famous.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Probably because most WIP pictures are not so interesting.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I'm a saint-in-training. You can trust me.

§§FOOTNOTE (short on time, no cute names for the footnote symbols today): I mention the extra yarn requirements because it explains why they are going to be finished before their fellow socks. This is part of the vast educational bounty that is circus knitting.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (parapara): To fit my elegant calves.

##FOOTNOTE (poundpound): Because it's been cold enough for footy pajamas until just the last couple of days and 1) it is well nigh impossible to try on socks over pajama feet, and 2) you have to get practically naked to free your feet to eliminate that issue. Nothing wrong with naked, it's just inconvenient to go from footy pajama to footloose in any graceful and timely manner.

†††FOOTNOTE (triplecross): Not *that* kind of sticky, you perverts. Around the ankle AND the heel where socks get stuck if they're going to stick.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I want it on the record that I do not have fat ankles or cankle, but I think my roundheeled ways may be manifesting themselves in my sock fittings.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (triplewhateverthehellthosethingsare): Sorry to yell. Just making a point.

§§§FOOTNOTE (swerveswerveswerve): Mountain Daylight Time.

¶¶¶FOOTNOTE (three paragraphs): Like loaves and fishes, my friends.

###FOOTNOTE (three numbers): That's not entirely true, but to list the things I like better than a lovely sock haiku would ruin the moment.

EDITED: Because I wonked the footnotes the first time around. Like the footnotes aren't confusing enough. But now they should make sense -- or as much sense as they ever do.

Six Little Updates, All in a Row

Thursday, I got to that magical point†:






This, my knitting friends,‡ is the last vestiges of the mass dick warmer% phase of the Six-at-Once project.

[SUMMARY: Those who cannot do, warm.]

Over the weekend, I turned six heels§:




Soon, these will be viable, wearable socks.¶

[SUMMARY: Send in the clowns -- the circus is in full swing.]

This is SO still a knitblog.#


†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Like the mystical time between dark and the first greying of dawn, this represents that goose-bumpy place where phallic becomes footie.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): And guy friends. Guys may be nominally interested in the on-beyond-dick-warmer process.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): I know I seem abnormally fixated on the phrase "dick warmer," but it's still one of the funniest things anyone has ever said. Particularly about knitting.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Wedged in around spending seven hours trying to maintain a conversation with Brother's increasingly-deaf and hearing aid-resistant grandmother. It is a testament to the ultra-simple short-row heel that I could so easily finish six heels despite the schedule constraints.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Except maybe the blue ones, which are about 3/4 of an inch shorter than the other two pairs. I hadn't thought to allow for what the different stitch patterns might do to the length. Lesson learned. But those socks may have to go to someone with smaller feet than mine. I'll keep you posted.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Just wait 'til you see the O's I'm going to F in the next couple of days and the fish I'm about to knit. And the joyful resurrection (just in time for Easter!) of the "Father's Day (2007)" Arrrgyle socks, since I just figured out how to knit intarsia in the round. Aw, yeah, boyeeee... It's gettin' knitty up in here.

The Greatest Show on Earth%

I have a Finished Object.†

Remember how yesterday I said, "My camera is clear"? Well, right after I posted that, I went and mucked it up again with said Finished Object. Basically, the point of this paragraph is that I want credit for the FO, but I don't want to have to wait until I get it out of my camera and *show* it to you.‡

[SUMMARY: This is the problem with American society today.]

I do have a couple of works in progress I can share with you.

In the ongoing three-ring circus that is my knitting whimsy, I have started the Six-at-Once sock project.§




Before I even cast on, I realised the biggest pain in my ass was likely to be skein maintenance,¶ rather than any issues of technique or pattern.#

Kris, the best thing that's happened in my knitting world since circular needles,†† suggested putting each pair of skeins in its own Ziploc bag, cutting the corners out of the bottoms to feed the yarn, then untwisting as needed.‡‡

Elegant. Brilliant. All hail Kris.§§

[SUMMARY: Kris completes me. Well, my half-a-mind, in any case. I come up with the wild-ass schemes. She tells me how to actually do them.]

You may recall that the Four-at-Once project encompassed two pairs of socks of the same yarn with two different sizes.

This time, I am using the same breed of yarn for each sock,¶¶ all three pairs of socks the same size,## but with three different patterns, all from Carol Jean's "Knitting Socks with Handpainted Yarn".

For the blue/green:




For the brown/purple:




For the pink†††/green:




I'll update when I turn the heels and they cease to be dick warmers.‡‡‡

[SUMMARY: Ya-dah-d-da-d-da-ya-da-d-dah.§§§]

For my next trick, I will be needle felting.

The backstory: Brother and eBeth have made presidential candidate ornaments for the family Christmas exchange at least once. This, we feel, qualifies as a tradition.

So when Brother was grumbling about what he was going to do for this year's family gathering, I offered up a Barack Obama needle felting kit I got at Fancy Tiger during the DNC.

Not only did he make it, he deemed it the most he's enjoyed a Christmas project in years.


{photo courtesy of Tani}


So in trying to find a suitable handmade gift for the Glam Rock swap,¶¶¶ I took a page from Brother's book and decided to make a needle felted person from the following materials. Note the glitter:




Yeah, I'm being a little cagey about who it is. Partly because I'm toying with the idea of offering a prize### to the first person who can Name That Rock Star and partly because if it doesn't work out, maybe it'll look enough like someone else that I can pass it off.

[SUMMARY: Hedging my bets.]

Knitblog Plus -- now with 17% more fibre!


%FOOTNOTE (percented): This is not nearly as bragadocious (is that a word?) as it sounds. I'm merely trying to convey the circus-like atmosphere surrounding today's offering of projects.

†FOOTNOTE (crossed): You are so excited.

‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Is this any kind of behaviour for someone who wants to be promoted to saint?

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I took this picture on Sunday morning (pre Jello shot). Since then, I have finished the toes and done two rounds of pattern on each sock. Yay, me.

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I say, "realised," like I had a brilliant idea. Actually, it's muscle memory from the last time, when keeping four balls of yarn under control was by far the hardest part of the project.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): It's been well established I think there isn't a technique I can't do or a pattern I can't master. I'm going to be found strangled by my own knitting someday.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Kris found me the right yarn when I was paralysed by indecision in the Noro department at Posh. The Chypre Scarf might have been clown barf without her.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I can't help thinking I should've been able to come up with that on my own.

§§FOOTNOTE (maths just make my li'l ol' head spin): Kris can think in three dimensions. Three dimensions gives me nosebleeds.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (that's only two; I scoff at two socks): Shibui Sock in Orchid, Earth and Marine. I had no idea I'd gone so... tree hugger with my colourways.

six socks flowering
awash in an ocean blue
and grounded like mud

##FOOTNOTE (it's all in the numbers, baby): That would be me-sized. We'll see if I finally get a pair of handknit socks (or three) to call my own.

†††FOOTNOTE (put three feet in front of the other three): I feel I'm selling it short just calling it "pink." Maybe !!!PINK!!! is more apt.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (barbellous): I wonder how many more times I get to use that before Brother starts demanding royalties.

§§§FOOTNOTE (let the music dance around you): I'm singing that circus song. You know... the one that goes, "Ya-dah-d-da-d-da-ya-da-d-dah."

¶¶¶FOOTNOTE (one half of one big sock project!): I know. I'm a sucker for some of these swaps.

###FOOTNOTE (I got your number): Like your very own handmade rock star.