Monday, March 26, 2007

Sex and Sticks and Strings

Oh, my goodness. That last post was a little unnecessary, don't you think? All the sex and the gambling and the drinking and the sex... unnecessary, I tell you.

Now let's look at pictures of my pussy.

F'r cryin' out loud, Mom...

Are the jokes worse or the photography?

[SUMMARY: I am channeling old, stale Steve Martin.]

On a more graceful note, there is knitting news (pictures at 11): I joined a knit along! I'm a dork!

Seriously, I want to knit Print O' the Wave so very much (hey! Remember last week when I had no interest in lace and didn't like shawls? Good times, good times...) and it scares me a little, so I figured I could use all the help I can get. I think we can all agree on that.

Let's start with my weird math on the pick-up stitches: I figured 240 stitches over 204 rows. Well, the math was halfway there. Almost. See, you do two panels of the thing and graft them together, but I was thinking they were grafted together side-by-side (which would give the hapless knitter 160 stitches x 204 rows). If I had looked at the handy photos of the finished product, I would have noted that it's grafted together end-to-end, giving me 80 stitches across and a whopping 408 rows to pick up 240 stitches.


*That* I can do.

Of course, I posted my bastardised version of the math on the POtW KAL (it's like being in the military, what with all the acronyms) board. I'm not sure if it's more a bad thing that I don't think before I post or a good thing that someone led me off in the right direction.

Anyway... I wanted to get the yarn and get knitting on the POtW (for which I really would like to find a better nickname, one not so reminiscent of DMZs and Jane Fonda. Unfortunately, the only other thing that comes to mind right now is that I think the town in one of the worst movies ever made, Pete's Dragon, was called Potowatamie) at SnB last week, but Sylvia doesn't have a ton of lace weight and nothing that spoke to me. So I ordered some Shadow from Knit Picks (in the Jewels Heather) and when it gets here... well, I worry about the fate of the Stupid Blanket.

Speaking of... I knit SEVEN rows on the Stupid Blanket during "Grey's Anatomy" alone yesterday (twelve rows in all). For those of you scoring at home, that's a mere 1400% (taking into account stitches per hour and presupposing I did the math right. If you find error in my calculations, please be aware I'm using knitter math) Grey's Anatomy to Top Model Marathon. I was in the zone. I wish you could have seen me (well, not really, I guess. Watching someone knit a single stitch over 1800 stitches would be stultifying).

For a brief while, I dearly loved the Stupid Blanket for letting me get away with so much.

Kinda how I feel about all y'all.**

[SUMMARY: Getting all prurient is mitigated by knit-talk. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.]

**FOOTNOTE (asterisked): Without the "brief" part, I mean.

**FOOTNOTE (unasterisked): This is my first Male Lady-free weekend in... months. Or at least weeks. To quote my brother (in re: not filling out a bracket for the first time in 112 years), "Mostly I feel naked and alone." Well, and safe.

**FOOTNOTE (also unasterisked): Short day at work today. Taking the tallest, hairiest nephew to Wings Over the Rockies.

**SPECIAL BASKETBALL FOOTNOTE (so unasterisked): Duke died in November. Kansas is out (Rock Chalk, damnit!). N.C. went down. My brackets and my March-lovin' soul are officially devastated. There should be a Red Cross fund it's so bad.

Hey, how are the Nuggets doing?

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