Lost and Flounder

-Bought the Book Club book a month ago. Lost it.**

-Bought it again. Read half. Lost it.

-Called Knit Picks yesterday over "missing" yarn. Gave wrong order number. Confused hell out of nice CSR, particularly when I continued to argue for a good three minutes over the dates involved:**

"But it couldn't have reached Denver on the 22nd -- you just ordered it on the 23rd"

"I don't know what you're looking at. Mine says it arrived in Denver on Thursday. And delivered yesterday."

"But the order was just placed Friday."

"Why you wanna fuck with the HKIC?" (no, I didn't really. Good thing since I was so thoroughly wrong.)

-Was knitting (Pink Magic) in the blank spaces at work. Made the same exact, stupid mistake EVERY FLIPPIN' ROW. Had to tink two stitches EVERY FLIPPIN' ROW. Have been working this pattern for weeks, almost a whole ball of yarn and still made the same mistake EVERY FLIPPIN' ROW.

-Got home last night at 5:00. Found book. Went to Book Club. Left book at home.

-Decided to knit/TiVi until an hour before Book Club. Planned to leave at 6:30 to allow that hour to stop by grocery store for provisions and travel to Book Club destination. Was smug and pleased when leaving at 6:20. Realised en route to grocery store Book Club at 7:00.**

-Went to Book Club. Took pictures. Left camera.

-Got in the car this morning. Got to parking garage. Had no wallet. Had to go home.

-Realised en route never went to bank for boss yesterday as promised.

-Went to drive-thru bank. Drove off without receipt. Had to go back.

[SUMMARY: I'm losing it, whatever it is, literally and figuratively.]

And it's snowing like a mother (I know that phrase doesn't make any sense) in Denver-ish, so the Snow Guys will be out in full force tonight.

*brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.scrape.scrape.scrape.* "Hey, Manny, why do you bang a blonde in the cab of a backhoe?"

[SUMMARY: And it doesn't look like I'm finding it any time soon.]

please send vodka

**FOOTNOTE (asterisked): If you look back, last month's book was also purchased twice. I purchased this month's book at that time, and have yet to find either original copy. Some people's socks go into another dimension. I apparently have book trolls.

**FOOTNOTE (asterisked): By the way, if you order from Knit Picks and obsess over your tracking information (*ahem*), when it says "DELIVERED" in big, scary letters (scary 'cause I know it *wasn't* delivered when it says DELIVERED), it doesn't mean delivered to you, it means delivered to your post office. There will never be an indication that the post office actually thinks they delivered your yarn to you. Yeah, I don't get it either. And I still don't have my yarn.

**FOOTNOTE (asterisked): Book Club has ALWAYS been at 7:00.

**FOOTNOTE (unasterisked): I did knit seven rows on the Stupid Blanket at Book Club (in the midst of the traditional book shower for the mother-to-be for whom the Stupid Blanket is being constructed). I made a mistake on one end that I have decided to leave. It won't be that noticable, it will save Bert (the baby) from the wrath of angry perfection gods and it will save me from frogging four rows of 150 stitches and finally putting my head in the oven.

or chocolate