Friday, May 11, 2007

Too Much is Never Enough

(was that a Tattinger champagne commercial?)

Looky what I got last night at Sylvia's House of Fuzzy Crack:


It was a reward for knitting five rows on Stupid Blanket.

OK, so I hadn't actually *started* those five rows when I rewarded myself, but I am a creature of integrity and some discipline and I followed through even though I got the carrot long before I towed the donkey cart to market.

Also yesterday (*ahem* you'll begin to see a pattern of excess here shortly), I went to Barnes & Noble because I just got paid and I need my fix, dude.

I got one of these:

Stunning book. Lovely patterns.§ You really should get it.

and one of these...

I honestly don't know why. I love socks, but I tend to be pretty pedestrian in knitting them. Perhaps that's as good a reason as any to have hundreds of thousands of exotic sock patterns on hand, should I ever wish to drop everything and knit exotic socks. I could burst into an exectutive action sock knitter at any moment because I have the tools.

And jam.#

and I got one of these...

At lunch, I also went to Knit Picks and ordered one of these and a set of these and one of these and enough of this†† to make this.‡‡

Oh, and this, this, this and a tin of these from Stitch Diva.

Let's see, if I push the weekly beerfest to Wednesday, move the bathwhore meetings to Saturday afternoons, push the Sex Toy romp back a couple of hours... I should be able to sleep some time in 2009.

[SUMMARY: Books and knitting: two great addictions that taste great together!]

I also got this:

...which is the Book Club book for May.

OK, Knitketeers, I have a mission for you. I have placed the Book Club book on the shelf over the fireplace (mantel, for short), thus:

Said mantel is in the living room, thus:

Now, come, oh... May 18 or so when I decide I should actually *read* the book, if I panic and whine and question my sanity, I'm putting it in y'all's capable hands to REMIND ME WHERE THE FUCKING BOOK IS.

I am determined to break the cycle of paying each and every author *twice* for his book. No matter how good the book is, I'd rather not pay double. And I see no point in tipping authors. It's not like they'll comp you a drink if you tip them well enough often enough. Y'all understand.

So remember: book on mantel, mantel in living room.

[SUMMARY: There is more than one type of book problem. I have them all.]

Also remember: Mother's Day Sunday. Love your mother. Kiss your mother. Cherish your mother. Fete and pamper and appreciate your mother.

I can't give you any better reason than to tell you how much I miss my mother.

[SUMMARY: Word to your mothers.]

FOOTNOTE (plus!): As always, the roving is far purpler than it looks here. I thought the camera had recently gotten purple (remember how excited I was? Good times, good times...), but it turns out it's like those HBO specials where they run it for a weekend and you get all excited 'cause you think you're really pulling one over on the fucking cable company and getting HBO for free and it turns out it's just a tease and all the purple leaks out of your camera overnight because you didn't pay your purple bill.

FOOTNOTE (plusplus!): I have a really clear picture of that process in my head. Was anyone else following the analogy?

§FOOTNOTE (esssss!): Not all garters and underwires, either -- there's skirts and really, really cute tops. Seriously, check it out.

FOOTNOTE (peeeee!): Mwahahahahahah!

#FOOTNOTE (nooooo!): Seriously, rent... no, don't rent -- BUY -- Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill. Jam will take on a whole new meaning for you. And you may be eligible to join the Red-n-Marin Secret Dash Clever Jam & Flag Society.

All will be clear once you embrace your inner Izzard.

††FOOTNOTE (bonus!): In amethyst.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (woo-hoo!): It's a Rowan pattern, but I like what Vanessa did with hers, and it's what the Yarn Harlot is doing, so I'm copying because I'm a joiner with no imagination. Except the purple. Vanessa and Stephanie didn't do purple.

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