Monday, March 24, 2008

I'm Number Two!

Just wait 'til you see all the knitting what took place this weekend! There's engineering! Peeps! Drama! Math! Ribs! 100% baby alpaca!

They should have made a reality TiVi series out of my weekend! And my weekend started really early because I had Good Friday off and they closed the office at 3:00 on Thursday!

[SUMMARY: She exclaimed!]

Of course, the pictures are stuck in the camera for the moment,§ so you'll have to wait to share in most of the festivities. Damn it, *I'll* have to wait. And I'm off-my-rocker excited to show you my knitting pictures from this weekend.#

But since there are no pictures in Olympus Limbo for the Saturday night spelling bee, I can recount that particular tale.

[SUMMARY: A spelling bee story? With no pictures? REALLY?!]

The Coral Room hosted a benefit Saturday night for Kristen, who is undergoing cancer treatment, much to the detriment of her modest cash flow.††

There was a big raffle, for which I knit a lovely alpaca scarf and bought my fair share of tickets.

There were drink specials, for which I strayed from my usual glass of Evolution in favour of a chardonnay.

There was the guy who wanted to buy Kelley and I drinks for letting he and his wife sit in our seats to eat, but we asked him to put the cash in the Kristen Kitty instead.

The Platte River Killers played an acoustic set.‡‡

And there was the spelling bee.

[SUMMARY: Cancer takes a lot of effort.]

My first word? Fellatio.§§

There were about 25 people signed up. Most made it through the first round. Most didn't make it through the second round.

I made it to the fourth and final round, and somehow decided the U in boudoir was one vowel too many and lost to he-who-shall-be-known-as-Spelling-Champ, who spelled "aborigine."

I can spell aborigine.

Apparently, my French is a little rusty.

And I could've spelled it right if I'd written in out.

And I'm pretty sure I spelled "idiosyncrasy" correctly in the round before, even though the MC said I was wrong.

And the sun was in my eyes.


I did get some nice parting gifts, including a dictionary, a crossword puzzle book, a $35 gift certificate to the Coral Room¶¶ and some very accomplished kisses from The Spelling Bee Champ, who also got my phone number.##

[SUMMARY: What ego was damaged in the spelling be was totally spackled over in the aftermath.]

So all in all, a good night, though not the win I anticipated.†††

As a funny aside, the final gift in the prize bag was a "green"% light bulb from Wal-Mart.^ When I got home, I flipped on the torchiere (I can spell "torchiere") lamp that I favour over the blasting overhead light and it promptly blew.

I reached into my little bag, pulled out my little light bulb, shed a little light on the subject and went on my merry little way.

[SUMMARY: I fear I used my Kharmic Green Stamps on light and The Spelling Bee Champ will lose my phone number.]


I am studiously avoiding saying anything about my tournament brackets. Once again, I picked Duke to win it all. In fact, I filled out seven brackets for seven different pools and put all my basketball eggs in the Duke basket.

Unless the Kansas plane collides midair with the Memphis plane, with both falling to crush the UNC bus, the resulting firestorm taking out Tennessee, let us not speak of this again.

[SUMMARY: Krzyzewski is French for goddamnit.]

Shit. They should have given me Krzyzewski in the spelling bee. I can spell Krzyzewski.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Any Friday when I can knit for six hours and still start drinking by 3:30 is a good Friday in my book.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Note the clever (over)use of exclamation points to indicate I don't actually have the pictures to prove it yet, but I want you to be really excited.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Why? Because I was up until 1:30 this morning knitting, that's why.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): See: excited!

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Y'all have known me awhile now. I hope you are keeping this all in perspective (I can spell "perspective") and knowing deep in your hearts that this may be wayyyyy more exciting for me than for you.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): As in, "Despite having health insurance, this is costing her more than $1000 a month out-of-pocket."

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Kind of a departure. They're a metal band, complete with thrashy guitars and muppet voice.

§§FOOTNOTE (y'know... like when you swirl your tongue): To which I said, "If you can't spell it, you probably shouldn't do it." A lesbian (I can spell "lesbian") asked me to sign her autograph book with that quote.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (one Ps... no, wait! Two Ps! Could you use it in a sentence?): The winning prize package was exactly the same, only it was dinner for two at the Coral Room.

##FOOTNOTE (right in the kisser): Of course I did. I don't have so many knee-buckling kisses that I feel I can afford to snub the kisser. Or busser. 'Cause I can spell "busser."

†††FOOTNOTE (triple threat! Beauty, Brains and... uh... Boobs!): Ah, hubris (I can spell "hubris"). Hey, when my church gets off the ground, there will be a lot more saints and a lot less random smiting.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Which I put in convenient quotes so you'll know I don't mean it was kelly green or moss green, but enviroweenily friendly.

^FOOTNOTE (careted -- see? I can spell "caret"): I know, I know, but they donated. And they donated green, so it could be worse.

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