Monday, March 10, 2008

A Little Madness in the Spring... wholesome even for the King.
-Emily Dickinson

It is March, you know; madness abounds.

First, let us speak of Daylight Savings Time.

I'm pretty sure I can't say anything in general that every comedian and pundit on the planet hasn't already said, but I can hip you to a little Marin weirdity that will allow you to laugh at me on this fine Monday.

I have trouble getting all my clocks in the same time zone after a Daylight clock change. I know this isn't unusual, but team it up with the fact that some of my clocks don't get reset for years and also I have a tendency to set my clocks randomly fast,§ and the first week after any time change is fraught with hilarity and hijinks.

Like last night, home from a chill eveningat the Coral Room, trying to remember which clocks were set to last year's Daylight Savings Time and never reset and which were set to Standard Time, only haphazardly foreward, and going to bed much later than I intended.

Or this morning when I got in the car, automatically subtracted an hour and added six minutes,# then realised -- halfway to work -- that I wasn't getting in at 6:45, but 7:45, which isn't all that early.

My daily dose of self-righteous dwindled away.

[SUMMARY: Madness! Madness, I tell you!]

We ran into Rizzo and his girlfriend Emily at Vita last night (I know I said Coral Room up there, but all will be made clear when you read the footnotes).

Emily recounted a story in which her roommate spotted a guy in an alley a couple of blocks from their place. Emily described said guy as a, "Fully-nude, crouching masturbator."

"That sounds like birdwatching," I said. Then I started to giggle. "Isn't that the first sign of spring? First the Fully-Nude, Crouching Masturbator then the robin?"

[SUMMARY: I think I'm funny. Again.]

As an update to our continuing series, Out My Window, the odd arms on the top of the 1999 building are gone this morning. We never saw anybody doing anything with them or anything depending from them or anything. They just moved from the north side of the roof to the south side of the roof then disappeared.

[SUMMARY: Aliens!]

Also? They changed the billboard on Thursday to advertise apartments on or near the Auraria Campus. Hans and I spent some quality time critiquing and dissecting the new billboard, with Hans coming to the conclusion they'd posted it in the wrong place, as our little corner of Denver is not necessarily a high-traffic area for Auraria students.

Sure enough, we got in this morning and there's a whole new billboard. Glenwood Springs. So much more appropriate that Hans even visited the website.††

[SUMMARY: The power of advertising!]

And, of course, the real Madness in March,% the Selection Show is this Sunday. Pop your popcorn, chill your beer.

And remember: when someone offers you a place in the pool, just do it. You're just as likely to win picking cutest mascot or best team colours as sports knowledge and win/loss record.

That drives sportsdorks crazy.

[SUMMARY: Crazy! Crazy, I tell you!]

Saturday night? Kathryn and Angel-eek and Ange's friend, Morgan, came for dinner, knitting and a movie. Only we ate pasta and pie and drank three bottles of wine and never got to the knitting and movie portion of the evening.

Ah, well. The living room is clean, even if we didn't use it. That can't be a bad thing.

The yarn room is insane because I took all the yarn from the living room up and dumped it in the middle of the room.

It's kinda like squeezing a tube of toothpaste: you move the little bits out of the space at the bottom to the top until it builds up and explodes out the end. I fear this will happen to the yarn room.

[SUMMARY: Basic physics.]

Back to the living room being clean: I'm very excited because I bought an extra-special steam cleaner^ two weeks ago and I never had enough carpet available‡‡ to make it worth the assembly it somehow required.

Tonight I plan to steam clean the living room. I'll take before and after pictures.

[SUMMARY: Spring cleaning!]

You're *so* excited.

You wish you had my steam cleaner.

You wish you were me.

[SUMMARY: I am so delusional.]

FOOTNOTE (crossed): And rebounds. And squeaks its $220 endorsement shoes. Or am I the only one who notices the shoes squeaking at a basketball game?

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Some are a pain in the neck and some I just don't know how, so they sit all through the winter, an hour fast. Sometimes, if I'm distracted enough or tired enough or spacy enough, I forget it's an hour fast and I get where I'm going an hour and fifteen minutes early. 'Cause even without the hour thing, I'm fifteen minutes early for everything.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): F'rinstance, I'll see it's 9:31 on the Comcast clock and run upstairs to set my alarm clock. I'll set it for, say, 9:37 to allow for the time it took to get upstairs and get in position, then I'll close my eyes and randomly set it forward a double-secret set of minutes. I go back downstairs and knit or watch TiVi. Until I get an immediate telling of the time in the same room with my alarm clock, I don't know how far ahead I am and it keeps me running early in the mornings. Madness, I tell you.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Which wasn't so chill. They were doing a Lance Armstrong Team OceanGirl fundraiser with guest bartenders and a whole passel of people we didn't know, so we went to Vita instead. Then went back to the Coral. And Benny bought us a couple or four shots. And why would anyone do that on a Sunday night? I dreamed of werewolves and exploding buildings. In retrospect, it makes Monday at work a little easier to stomach when there are no werewolves in the basement or Slavic looking men putting high-tech explosives on the elevators.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Because I got the car during Daylight Savings and have never changed the clock, but it's lost six minutes in two years. You're welcome.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed):, if you must know. And he was dismayed by their book-with-and-save, which only gave $13 off a hotel stay/lift tickets/hot springs pool. We figure the pool pass (being the cheapest component, though more than $13) should end up being free or it's not really worth the discount.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): What's madder about March than that part of March Madness is in April?

^FOOTNOTE (careted): It does carpet and hard floors and furniture. Oh, my.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Read: visible.

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