Monday, March 24, 2008

Where My Peeps At?

First, I want to share my Powerball winnings from last week with you:

Well, not actually share the money, but share the jolly fun of getting a 52¢ return on a $6 investment.

I probably would've shared if I'd won a bazillion dollars too. The picture would have been more impressive.

[SUMMARY: This is as close to Barney as I'm likely to get. Enjoy the moment.]

I'm guessing most of you saw this some time during the Easter season§:

Matt replied when I forwarded it to say, "I think it would be even funnier if they were smoking candy cigarettes and pushing chocolate coins in their little Peep g-strings."

I wondered then just how far I would go for the joke. Would I invest in Peeps and chocolate coins? To what lengths would I go to track down candy cigarettes? How exactly would those blobby little Peeps chickens hold chocolate coins? Could I find a disco ball the size of a tangerine to take it that one step beyond?

Two days later, I got the invitation. We were going to make Peeps dioramas.

[SUMMARY: When good things happen to bad people.]

Apparently, this is a trend sweeping the nation. The Denver Post ran a contest. As did the Washington Post. And the Chicago Tribune. Hell, go Google "peeps diorama," pull up a chair and spend the day.

Several things you should know about hosting a Peeps Diorama Party:
  1. Everything is sticky. A readily available source of soap and water is a must.
  2. Glue guns. Lots of glue guns.
  3. Sharpies don't write on Peeps.
  4. Sticks. Sticks of all sizes and shapes. You don't know how useful sticks are until you don't have the stick you need to make the hairdresser Peep perform a comb-out on the Madonna Peep.
  5. This is theoretical, but I think having coordinating coloured sugars would be good. All Peeps begin as conjoined sextuplets and the separation leaves ugly scars. A little Peep spackle would aid the aesthetic.

Here are a couple of my favourites:

My cousin Hannah...

Made this Peeps skate park entitled "Peep Park." Note the air the purple Peep is getting off the half-pipe. Totally rad.#

Note the extra-special Marin Peep.††

The youngest of our crew (Lisa, I think) made this Peep Sea Fishing display:

And, me being me, I was partial to Peeps in Space‡‡:

Me? I went a little different route.§§

These embiggen real nice. Go ahead, look.¶¶ You know you want to.

Of course, it wouldn't be Easter without the traditional Easter skull in the verdant veil of spring##:

By the way? Peeps are disgusting. They go very well in hot chocolate, however.

[SUMMARY: More fun than marshmallows should be allowed to have.]

Hmmmm. I bet they'd toast up real nice and festive too.

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Again, maybe not so much in the "give you money" way as the "see what I got" way.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): I may have even converted it to qiviut (I know how to spell "qiviut") just for fun.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Some directly from me. And I think this is a lesson learned: don't give you email addy to the crazy chick with the pig-licking fetish.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Isn't she cute? She also had these pink and pink and grey high tops with raspberry-coloured laces... I considered jumping her in the parking lot and blaming it on local hoodlums.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Or possibly tubular. I'm forty, people. I don't know what skatepunks say these days.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): She has a pony tail. That's how you can tell she's me.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I was too busy scraping the marshmallow film off my jacket, feet and eyelashes to make all the Peeps in Space jokes I wanted to. And the "Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those Peepers" bit. And the "I only have eyes... eyes... eyes... for you" bit. And the Jabba the Peep bit. And I'm sure something about Uranus. Possibly also something rhyming "penis" with "Venus," though only once the kids had their backs turned.

§§FOOTNOTE (swirled like the beak of a Peep chick): You are so surprised.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (bunny ears!): Why else would they call them "Peeps"?

##FOOTNOTE (dead Peep eyes): I'm probably really lucky the owners of that backboard didn't come to investigate my flash. It wasn't the best neighbourhood.

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