In the interest of fair play and full disclosure, two overnight changes to yesterday's Fallen Feet Report:
- According to an anonymous commenter I'm going to call "Kim,"‡ all the feet but one were right feet. This leads me to believe there is either a crazed, peg-legged man§ exacting revenge on Canadians for a foot lost in a lumberjacking accident¶ or that right feet are not screwed on quite as tightly as left feet.%
- And, wow... I really jumped the gun on this one. Yesterday's foot was a hoax.# So I have to back off the "rash of feet" claim†† and revise my estimate to "handful of feet."‡‡
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): "Get into the carriage, little girl..." Hey, Jeff and Todd almost fell out of their seats laughing in junior English when I did that joke.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Because it appears to be her IP address, or close enough.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Always go for the pirate.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): I know that's a terrible stereotype. It could have been a dog-sledding accident.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb (ha!) and say left feet are 20% tighter than right feet. Or 20% of left feet are tighter than their right foot counterparts. It's math. You can't argue with math.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Turns out it was an "animal paw." I'd like to know what animal paw had teams of forensic investigators stumped (no pun intended) all afternoon yesterday.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): 'Cause we now know a rash is six. And this is now less than six feet -- kinda like a disappointing internet date.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Heheheh.
§§FOOTNOTE (let's turn this news story around!): Anyone? Classic SNL.