Monday, April 6, 2009

True Dat

From: Marin
To: Brother
Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 9:45:48 AM
Subject: Immortal Revolutionary Songs

Mile-High Headlines for Monday, April 6
by Michael de Yoanna

NORAD Calls B.S. on North Korean Missile Launch
North Korean officials insist that they've launched a satellite into orbit around the Earth via a powerful, multi-stage rocket and that it is broadcasting "immortal revolutionary songs" praising communist leaders. Not so fast, says the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) in Colorado Springs, which reports that the rocket and its payload actually plopped into the Pacific Ocean (via the New York Daily News). The launch of the rocket, identified by U.S. officials as a Taepodong-2, is troubling because it also represents a step forward in the impoverished country's possible efforts to construct a nuclear missile that could strike the United States, writes The New York Times. Diplomats are debating how to address North Korea's action, according to The Washington Post. Such launches don't appear to be good for the planet's protective ozone layer either, according to a researcher with the University of Colorado (via The Los Angeles Times).


One of the many problems with communism? It's very hard to take it seriously when communist countries keep finding new ways to make caricatures of themselves.

"In glorious honour of our brave communist leaders, we have launched a satellite playing 'Hail to Kim Jong-Il,' 'Wayfaring Eternal President' and 'Shine On, You Supreme People's Assembly.' so all may know of the joy and power of North Korea. Don't look at that nuclear warhead! That's not a nuclear warhead! That's an XM Radio of communism!"

Oh, the satire could be endless.

From: Brother
To: Marin
Sent: Monday, April 6, 2009 10:12:14 AM
Subject: Re: Immortal Revolutionary Songs

How funny is North Korea, though?

I mean, this is clearly the scariest country on Earth, being run by a man with a -21 golf handicap. But it's scary for being communist - the ridiculous impunity with which they can deploy their natural resources and human capital is alarming. It would actually be less scary if they were lying, because to devote the sort of resources that they would have needed for such a project to broadcast "immortal revolutionary songs" approaches real Jonestown-level idiocy. Wouldn't it have been a fuckload more effective to offer the immortal revolutionary songs as free downloads on iTunes?

I hate to quibble, but does this thing really represent "a step forward"? Hell, [Tallest Hairiest Nephew] could build a rocket that could get a few songs from Korea to the Pacific Ocean. That technology, um, isn't new. To anyone.

No comments: