Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hi, My Name is Marin...

(Hi, Marin)

...and I'm bad at dating.

(encouraging applause)

Not in a cutesy, "Oh, isn't dating just the worst... heeheeheeheehee," way, but I'm really and truly terrible at it.

I've been "dating" via the innernets for more than ten years and I'm just fucking awful.

When I go on that first date with someone I've been talking to on Match, I'm filled with apprehension and I render myself unable to talk.

I grow to dislike and distrust myself, the guy who has to put up with me and -- really -- just about everyone in the world except the waiter who's bringing me a drink.

[SUMMARY: You can see why I'm single.]

I'm sure there are several guys out there who wonder how the vibrant, witty creature who intrigued them so on her profile could be the short,§ dull thing that lets the whole evening go one-sided in two minutes flat.#

They probably think I paid someone else to write my profile.

When I have a chance meeting in a happy place,% it's all good. I can tease and flirt and sparkle and revel in my dorkness and my twelveness.

When I email someone for a week or two and set up a date, it feels like a job interview.

[SUMMARY: Guess what I did last night?]

On the plus side, I got to see a lot of DNC stuff -- pretty people in suits going to TiVi interviews, TiVi cameras on every corner,†† vendors selling Obama yearbooks for $40,‡‡ a dog in a baby sling dressed in an Obama photograph, white boater hats with red-white-and-blue grosgrain ribbons 'round the crowns.§§

Riot police in vans... on bikes... on motorbikes... on horseback...¶¶

Protestors and Democrat supporters dressed as hippies... dressed as prisoners... dressed as display racks.##

And the tear gas didn't start until I was back at the office to pick up my purse.††† Two nice security guards in the building apprised me of the spray-painting, window-breaking and the consequent tear-gassing and told me to be careful.

[SUMMARY: They like me! They really like me!]

So at least I have that going for me.

L'Eau d'Hiver - Frederic Malle (edp)

Marin says: I'm anticipating a roll-out on this one. It's the one thing I really expect from a Jean Claude Ellena creation.

The initial blast was citrus, but a carmel scent came up from beneath that pretty quickly. Then something sharp, like menthol.

About a half-hour in, it smells like green wood‡‡‡ and carnation, a wet nature smell like woods after rain.

An hour in, it's wood and carmel.

Four hours down, it's very, very soapy. Meh.

The Perfumed Court says: An Oriental blend of bergamot,$ angelica, iris, hawthorn, jasmine, honey, carnation,$ white heliotrope, caramel$ and musk.

Hans says: Ooooh. That smells like licorice!§§§

FOOTNOTE (crossed): And the closer I get to date time, the more I want to call in sick.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Charming, no? If it makes you feel any better, I rarely drink more than one on a first date. Surly, paranoid, uncommunicative and drunk. Line up boys, I *am* your dream date!

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Not height. I don't like about my height. But snappish. And monosyllabic. Can you imagine the girl who regularly uses the word "monosyllabic" being monosyllabic?

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): More than one guy has said, "Am I asking too many questions? Is there anything you want to know about me? Is there anything else I should know about you?"

Yes... I can't date.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): The exception that proves the rule is Soldier Boy, which explains why he calls every time he's in town. Psych 101: Soldier Boy was home for two weeks on leave and was returning to Iraq. Stakes were minimal. Expectations were limited.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): Like bars, football games, BBQs or the book store.

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): News teams from everywhere were getting background/stock footage of DNC crowds. I must've walked through two dozen view screens yesterday. Look for me on a TiVi set near you!

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Yeah, I don't know what an Obama yearbook is either. Or why it's worth $40.

§§FOOTNOTE (wafts): A look I find charming, though it reeks of political events and barbershop quartets.

¶¶FOOTNOTE (meerkats): It was really impressive when they all took off to do riot control last night. I know a lot of people think Denver is still a cowtown, but it's been a long time since horses have galloped down the streets here.

##FOOTNOTE (two pounds, two pints): You know how some people have so many bumper stickers on their cars you wonder if there's anything they won't honk at? There are human equivalents with t-shirts, hats, buttons and banners all over the place.

†††FOOTNOTE (scent strips): I didn't want to take it into the throngs. Just in case. I left it safe in my office.

‡‡‡FOOTNOTE(like tracks through my nose holes): Which is a bitterly green smell.

$FOOTNOTE (on the money!): Ha! Got one!

§§§FOOTNOTE (Hans twirls his hands as he ): Hans got to smell five minutes after I sprayed -- and I bet carmel and menthol smells a lot like licorice.

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