Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Monkey Business

I am not likely to ever get political here. I have my politics. You probably wouldn't like them.I don't care enough about either your politics or mine to make politics a rift between us.

So this isn't political, so much as news stuff. I just want y'all to keep that in mind. Don't assume that my using "shit" and "Democrat" in the same blogbit has anything to do with anything.

As some of you may be aware, the Democratic National Convention will be in Denver shortly.

[SUMMARY: Urgh.]

Civic Center Park will be an even scarier place than it already is.

Our office building will be locked, accessible only via key card all day, every day. Many companies have installed serious security systems in preparation for the onslaught of wound up, emotionally- and politically-charged people.%

Local businesses near the Convention ground zero have been notified they may be shut down, locked down or otherwise screwed with if security becomes an issue.

Denver Water puttered through downtown a couple of weeks ago and put locking caps on the fire hydrants.§

And the City Council passed an ordinance yesterday calling bodily fluids illegal.

OK, it's both broader¶ and more specific# than that, but it's funnier and more shocking the way I say it.

[SUMMARY: I think I'm funny. And sometimes shocking.]

So the radical fringe is officially banned from maintaining feces bombs in Denver.^

While this is oh-so-comforting, I'm torn between renting my house out for $1200 a night during this ordeal to get *something* out of it, and just battening down the hatches and skipping town.

Hermès - Un Jardin sur le Nil (Hermèssence)

Marin says: Started with a bitter green scent, like when you break some thick grasses and they have sap rather than just juice... reminiscent of the smell of multi-vitamins. It was so light that even though I didn't particularly like it, I was OK with it.

Then the roll-out started.

Oh, my gosh, this is a gorgeous perfume.

It's lightly floral†† (water lily? lotus?) tempered by a dry wood,‡‡ but the greenish scent lingered behind that. For a half-hour or so, it was like lemon verbena, with a hint of bitter and wood. Then it turned woody-grassy, but the floral lingered behind that. I've honestly never experienced a real "roll out" like that before in a perfume. I'm astonished and delighted.§§

Hermes says: A perfume of light and life, generous and sparkling. A bottle reflecting the shimmering green and ochre tints of the banks of the Nile River appreciated by women and men alike.

The Perfumed Court says: A fruity floral scent with notes of green mango,¶¶ lotus flower,$ aromatic rushes,$ incense## and Sycamore wood.$

Hans says: It smells like lemon!

FOOTNOTE (crossed): Don't paint us all with the same brush. It's funny to me that so many so-called liberals are so narrow-minded when it comes to Republicans, while Republicans -- long thought to be the narrow-minded ones -- are well aware that there are degrees and flavours of Democrats. Though one of the funniest politicist (is that the political version of racist?) remarks ever came from The Boy, back when we were actually dating instead of just fucking through the drunken nights of everybody else's celebrations*:

"So the president gave a speech last night."

"So I hear."

"You didn't watch?"

"Nope. I try to avoid Bush where I can."

"Huh. I thought you'd invite your Republican friends over and pop popcorn or something."

*FOOTNOTE WITHIN A FOOTNOTE (asterisked, as always): Wasn't that evocative? How come I can evoke about sweaty, ill-advised, illicit sex but I can't communicate what the hell water frickin' lily smells like to me?

Reminds me of the trophy for getting the lowest possible score in the bowling tournament (I threw a 67. Over two games. I'm a *terrible* bowler), which was inscribed, "Stick with what you know."

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Y'all know how I love to keep you informed.

%FOOTNOTE (percented): 'Specially oil companies, with their double-whammy of highly sensitive, proprietary information and their current target-worthy social position as Evil Overlords.

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): Five years of drought and never locking down the hydrants until the wingnuts come to town.

FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): In that it also encompasses cement, barricades, Super-Soakers filled with Kool-Aid and anything that can be used as an assault mechanism or barrier.

^FOOTNOTE (careted): You may think that goes without saying, but there was a news story a couple of weeks ago wherein police were tipped off to a home in Denver that was the site for the stockpiling of human waste for use at the Convention.

#FOOTNOTE (pounded): In that it specifies possession with the intent to harm or hinder. Funny note: Denver police have to prove whatever material was intended for sinister use in order to enforce the ordinance. If you have a bucket of human waste in a political crowd, what other use would there be?

††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Water lily? Lotus? Sheesh, I wish I knew what those actually smelled like rather than just guessing at what I think of as water lily or lotus.

‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): Y'know -- not sweet, heavy or wet like some woods... more like the woodpile out back than the depths of the rainforest. And not as distinctive as cedar.

§§FOOTNOTE (round and round and round she goes): For the record, this is one of the two perfumes that is the subject of the book I got from eBeth for my birthday (The Perfect Scent, by Chandler Burr.)

¶¶FOOTNOTE (stoppers!): They talked about this a LOT in the book. It may be that bitter smell I got to begin with. Then again, it could be the lemony smell. I don't know what a grove of green mangoes smells like. Is there an "E" in mangos?

$FOOTNOTE (on the money): Ha! Got one! And, yes, I'm counting aromatic rushes as sappy grass, taking full credit for blundering into lotus and surely sycamore is a perfectly adequate dry wood... even though I have no idea what a sycamore smells like. Or even looks like. I don't think we have sycamores in Colorado.

##FOOTNOTE (pounding like a perfume headache): Huh. *Never* got that. And I thought I was all sensitive to incense.

NOTE: In case you didn't get it, I'm really not against the Democrats as a group.

I'm against large, life-changing groups of people overrunning my world and I'm whole-heartedly against wing-nut protestors and feces-flingers, who will be out en masse at the convention. Normal, everyday Democrats are OK by me.

Some of my best friends are normal, everyday Democrats.

Please don't go all politco-guerrilla on me.

And I don't have to explain the title, right? Y'all get the clever reference?


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