Small. Subdued. Except, as always,‡ for the Subdude.§
So I have small¶ pictures.#
Pictures of kids are necessary, since Christmas is muchly about the kids.
Pictures of cats are necessary, since if you purport to maintain a knitblog, you must occasionally post a picture of a cat.††
Pictures of Brother are necessary when he is sporting the very festive Batman pajamas.‡‡
Pictures of AntiM and her various adult relatives are NOT necessary§§ when they are adequately represented¶¶ by the Brother picture.
[SUMMARY: Rules were meant to be made up.]
I got skulls in my stocking, and I'm delighted.
Finally, wine charms I can get behind.
[SUMMARY: Wine charms that say "poison" could be very useful.]
I don't want to run down all the loot,## but I did get one very, very blogworthy gift from Jeff's mom:†††
Mrs. Berry% writes entertaining mysteries set in a small southern town. I thought I owned most of them, but it turns out there are a couple I was missing.
Turns out there's one that's NOT EVEN OUT YET that I'm "missing."‡‡‡
Excuse me... WAS missing.§§§
My elitist little heart just goes pitter-pat.
Check out the inscription:
The temptation to take a red pen to it and return it is fierce, but I do have some sense of propriety.¶¶¶
[SUMMARY: Don't look a gift book in the inscription.]
Tomorrow, more exclusive, inside news.###
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): You know... like the Sandra Boynton card. For the record, if you Google "wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose," there are 694 entries. 691 of them are blogheadings. I am an inadvertent sheep.
‡FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Except that first week he was off afternoon naps. We looked up in the middle of family dinner and said, "Where's Dr. Doom?" He had taken himself to bed. At 6:30. *That's* subdued.
§FOOTNOTE (swerved): If Tallest, Hairiest Nephew is the Dude, it follows that his little brother is the Subdude.
¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Size doesn't count.
#FOOTNOTE (pounded): Which you can click for big if you just can't get enough of the Batman pajamas.
††FOOTNOTE (ddouble-ccrossed): Rule 112 (c). For cat. Also? The cat is sitting with the Appalachian birdhouse the nephews got me for Christmas.
‡‡FOOTNOTE (doubble-crossssed): I said, "Oh, Dr. Doom, what a great present! I think your dad should go put it on RIGHT NOW, don't you?" That may explain the look on Brother's face.
§§FOOTNOTE (speaking of redundant): And, in fact, would be redundant.
¶¶FOOTNOTE (puts on his pajamas one leg at a time): Probably outdressed.
##FOOTNOTE (oounding home the point): Even my white fig diffuser and my George Hamilton autobiography. No, I'm not making that up... it's the adjunct to my very own copy of Zorro, the Gay Blade.
†††FOOTNOTE (three crosses to bear): Who has played bridge AND Scrabble with me and still clings to the belief that I can read. Bless her heart.
%FOOTNOTE (percented): She will *always* be Mrs. Berry.
‡‡‡FOOTNOTE (how do you diagram that?): I realise the usage is untenable, but I will give up all semblance of grammatical decency to get to the punchline.
§§§FOOTNOTE (§§§ubtle): That's me trying to be subtle.
¶¶¶FOOTNOTE (très, très, très... c'mon -- it's a multilingual pun. I don't have to finish it, do I?): I have no sense of propriety. I'm just trying to ensure I still have a place in Mrs. Berry's heart and a shot at sainthood.
###FOOTNOTE (pounding the celebrity beat): Me and Paris Hilton.
No comments:
Post a Comment