Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Dangerously in Duh

WARNING: Extremely graphic phrasing to follow. If you thought the anal bead conversation was too much, you may want to click over to I Can Has Cheezburger? now.

Go! Save yourself!

For the rest of you perverts:

You know how at Yahoo (and Comcast and probably just about every email client out there) they have a "report as spam" button that you can click to... well, report email as spam? And how they ostensibly use this information to discern patterns and words and such to better serve you, their email-loving public, and your need for no spam?

Discern this,§ Yahoo:

Massive cocks spearing eager young sluts. See these dick sluts take a pounding and get fucked every way possible.

This is an ACTUAL SUBJECT LINE# from one of the many spectacular porn spams I have received. The elusive and wily spammers are certainly coming up with clever and subtle ways to circumvent the filters, aren't they?

Right now, I have a mental image of someone straining beach water through a tennis racket and saying, "I don't understand why it's all so gritty."

In cheerier news, FAIK Kelly is back and I'm so relieved. I thought she'd been eaten by a manatee.

Um... sorry you got caught in the eager young sluts post, Kelly. Timing is everything.

Knitting tomorrow. Even some pictures. Pictures of a boy knitting.

Oh, yeah, I got your attention now.

Now go write me a Duh Song...

"And I don't know how you do it... making duh out of nothing at all."

FOOTNOTE (crossed): I may be using the term "email client" wrong. I never fully understood what that term meant, so I assigned it the Marin definition of "the thing that brings me my email." Please don't write to tell me how stupid I am.

FOOTNOTE (double-crossed): Duh. Speaking of duh, have you seen the Hyundai Big Duh campaign? Brilliant. You know I'm a complete dork, 'cause I'm about to send you to the Hyundai Big Duh page.

(which has music, by the way -- turn the volume on your work computer down)

Look for the little "Compose Duh Song" picture on the right side of the screen and you can go compose your own... well, Duh Song. Duh.

Huh... you can substitute "duh" for "love" in many song lyrics and giggle like a fool. At least I did:

"You'd think that people would have had enough of silly duh songs. I look around me and I see it isn't so."

"Duh is in the air, everywhere I look around."

"...but here in my heart I give you the best of my duh."

"...I'm dangerously in duh with you."

"...I know I've found in you my endless duh."

Who says you can't tickle yourself?

§FOOTNOTE (swerved): I'm grabbing my balls and talking in a heavy Brooklyn accent, a la "I got your discernment right here."

¶FOOTNOTE (paragraphed): Imagine how this will up my Google hits. Hi guys! No eager young sluts here! Nobody here but us knitters!

#FOOTNOTE (pounded like an eager young slut): You shoulda seen the content of the email. Mostly, I wanted to correct the grammar -- well, then shower -- so I don't think it was a very effective marketing campaign.

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