Kelly, do you have them? Red? Did some loving, observant soul recognise the Dork That is Marin and save me from myself?
You wouldn't be the first today.
So I sent my billing in to the boss today so, you know, I'd get paid for July. He just called to say, "You know, for all your good work this year..."
I sat quietly, waiting for the other shoe.
"Are you waiting for the other shoe to drop?"
"Exactly what I was doing. I can hear the 'but'..."
"I told you to bill at a higher rate."
"No you didn't."†
"Yes, I did."
"When did you tell me that?"
"After your birthday lunch. We were standing around the table talking..."
"I have no doubt I just forgot..."
"Yeah, and then you wanted to go drinking and then you took some time off and you forgot all about it. But thank you. And you don't need to remember this conversation. In fact, it never happened. I'm going to snap my fingers and you'll forget everything."
"I'm pretty sure that's what you did to me the last time."
"And you'll cluck like a chicken."
"THAT'S how that happened. Now I *know* that's what you did to me last time."
"This is a first."‡
"Raise refusal? I'm sure it is."
"Have a good weekend, Marin."
"You too, John. Thanks for saving me from myself."
So I got a raise. A surprise, stealth raise. That I already knew about. But not really.
My budget is happy. I fear for my life.
[SUMMARY: This is way better than the cat snack story, isn't it? Redemption? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?]
†FOOTNOTE (crossed): Kids, don't try this at home. Arguing with the hand that signs the paycheck... well, y'all know what happened to Roy, don't you?
‡FOOTNOTE (truly double-crossed): It's actually not a first. He once sent me a Christmas card in which he told me to start billing at a higher rate, but it got stuck in a big pile of Christmas cards that I didn't open until... well, until he called and said, "Did you open your Christmas card from me?"
"I'm sure I must have."
"I think you need to go check."
Don't tell John this isn't the first time. It's not even the first time I've personally done it.
1400 words, five-and-a-half hours.